Author: BJW Woods

Best way to start a week is by NOT running to the bus stop in such a manner that you slip on the ice and fall right on your hands and knees, to result in scraped and hacked up & bleeding kneecaps and skinned palms and a re-twisted ankle (yes, that’s right…third time’s the charm)

Twisted it the 1st time back in ‘91 while I was in tech school. It happened when I walked down a flight of stone steps outside of the campus security building, and I figured the second to last step as the last. Hey, as a child, I was always told to carry my head high.

The second time was just this last spring, again, walking to the bus stop, only the sidewalk crack was to blame. This time was the kicker though, ’cause my reason for skipping into a jog around the corner was because in the dark not-quite light of the a.m. I saw the lights of a bus as it barreled toward the end of the block. Now you’d think I’d have taken a better look, but no…ran anyway.

When I fell, I had the wind knocked out of me literally. And I didn’t just fall down on the sidewalk, it was that awful old black asphalt pavement that sort of falling apart and all gravely (which added to the fun of cleaning up my hands and knees when I arrived at work).

That bus, by golly, was not a metro transit one, but a *gulp* school bus. God, I don’t think I ever knew a bigger klutz, let alone a blinder one.

When I get home tonite I can’t find the darned air cast I used last time, so right now I’m all ace-bandaged up and have my leg propped up on a stool, my ankle resting on top of a package of frozen peas. I don’t have a fancy ice pack to use, but now I’m gonna invest in one. Never know when the klutz in me is gonna come out again (o:

Remember When?
Of course you do. Back in the late 70’s when I was in grade school (and some of you were, too) we HAD to wear the collars on our polo shirts UP, HAD to have the beaded safety pins on our shoelaces, HAD to have that ‘Simon’ game. Of course we also had to have the big ol ‘Unbreakable’ comb w/the large handle in our back jeans pocket to feather our hair with, & those jeans had better have some kind of roller disco or rainbow embroidery on the pocket.  We HAD to play the ‘Mickey Mouse Disco’ and ‘Free to Be, You And Me’ records! Oh, and speaking of roller disco…we must have gone roller skating every weekend for years.  My sister had the Strawberry Shortcake and Rainbow Brite doll-inspired rollerskates and mine were silver and had the stripes that resembled ‘Tiger’ brand tennis shoes. You guys remember the old Tiger’s tennies? They were big w/us ten year olds before Adidas and Nike.

haha…we were big dorks.

Yes, just like the Sesame Street song.

Everyone knows I like to observe people, so imagine my delight when I moved this summer to a different town, and into a turn-of-the century (20th) apartment building chock full of very DIFFERENT people.

The lady downstairs vacuums every day, I dunno if she’s got a big dog or what…there’s always weird cooking smells at dinner time and she didn’t take her Christmas wreath down from her door until today.

The guy next door to me is always clearing his throat and then hums as if he’s checking to see if his voice is raspy or something, and very loudly, too. I hadn’t had him figured out until just the other day. He is either very forgetful or suffers from a slight obsessive-compulsive disorder, & I think this is so because once he’s ready for work every day (which I think he gets ready very early, when I’m still sleeping), it takes him 40 minutes to get out the door in the morning.

He goes out and scrapes the snow off his car (which most Minnesotans do in the wintertime, so I have dismissed this as normal), then he goes back upstairs, where he makes a whole lot of rattling noises and more throat-clearing. He comes out into the hall with his coat, hat, briefcase and his cooler, I think one of those Igloo Playmate ones, puts them down on the floor in the hallway and then goes back inside to fuss around some more.

This is all going on from the time I get out of bed at 6:30 until the time I am out of the shower at 6:45, and the only reason I know about all this going on is because this building’s walls aren’t very thick and in the a.m. it’s very still and quiet around here except for him.

By 7:10, I am dressed, the coffee is made, my hair blow-dried and I’m getting my shoes on when I hear him still checking things around his apartment. I know this because he goes out the door about 5 or 6 times muttering to himself to check the lights again, check etc., etc., and finally he gets his coat and hat on and goes down to start the car. He comes back up to grab his stuff and I hear him tell himself to double check that the space heater is off; etc. I am going out the door a couple minutes later and he is just finalizing everything and is usually coming out behind me.

I may be wrong about him, perhaps he is just used to a certain routine in the morning. Nontheless, I find it strange, and sort of amusing.

The twenty-something guy w/the receding hairline and entire wardrobe consisting of flannel shirts and sweatpants goes unseen for days and even a week at a time, only known to go out into the world when the weather is nice. Perhaps he’s a writer with either a block or a hot story in his head or his pc and he cannot escape from the bowels of his apartment. Perhaps its none of my business…

The guy in the apartment whose windows are right across mine has a variety of home exercise equipment and books in his front room and he goes to bed very early because I once was playing an mp3 on my computer speakers (my computer desk is in my bedroom) and it wasn’t yet 9:00 and he knocked on the one wall that we share (I presume that is his bedroom) and lately I see his lights off early too. I have never seen this person in the laundry room or getting the mail, but he could work evenings or something like that.

The lady on the same floor, down two units from me lives with her daughter who’s about fourteen and they are always doing laundry. I have alot of clothing and towels/linens but these people, for just two of them, are REALLY laundry monsters.

Then there’s this guy (who I know but have not met yet, he is buddies w/my brother in-law) that lives across the other side of my unit in the adjoining building, is a front man for a band that always plays at a certain unnamed local live music hangout and just moved to the complex in November. He has his keyboard in the dining room and is NEVER home unless it is late late late on a weeknight. I think they have nightly gigs at that place ’cause when he is home he’s on the computer or is probably gone to bed.

I am by no means, a voyeur or peep freak. I just see these things going on (very easily I might add) and I am simply observing the things I see and sharing them. Also, I understand how people w/obsessive-compulsive disorder live and have to deal w/this, and I am not making fun, so please do not email and tell me what a horrible person you think I am.

Thought for the day:
“Change is inevitable….except from vending machines.”

This is a list of the supposed ‘100 Worst Songs of All Time’ (that were on the music charts). I think they update it every year.

Well, I suppose many of those, I could’ve done without, but there are a couple songs on there that I happen to like! (OK, if you must know, it’s MacArthur Park). Does that mean I have bad taste or perhaps that I just like to reminisce a little?? some people.

Well, I have lots more to talk about but alas, my eyelids are getting heavy and I really shant delay my beauty sleep any further or I’ll turn into a monster by morning.

Other posts on this day:

• My Weekend as a Domestic Goddess – 2005

20) The cucumber has left the salad.

19) I can see the gun of Navarone.

18) Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

17) You’ve got Windows on your laptop.

16) Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.

15) Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.

14) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

13) Please bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

12) Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…

11) Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

10) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

9) Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

8) Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

7) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

6) Dr. Kimble has escaped!

5) Mr. President, you’ve got your fly set for “Monica” instead of “Hillary.”

4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction…

3) You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2) I’m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
..and The Number One Way to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped..

1) Men are From Mars, I Can See Your Penis !

Same day, different year..

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I don’t have too much to tell about my weekend, yesterday I spent a good part of the morning plotting some updates for one of my web projects, but with no content coming in from the client, I am at a standstill.

Then later this morning, I went and did some shopping with my folks and went to the bank.  A nice warm day, too, almost too warm for April, but still perfect for doing errands.
I received an e-mail the other day from guru.com to notify me that I had been nominated for their ‘Rookie of the Year” award. I was not told who nominated me, nor has anyone I know hinted about it. I do, however have a couple of people in mind if I have to venture a guess, but I am not going to say who in HERE…if you are reading this and you are the one who nominated me, please let me know because I am very curious.

Saturday night I went to dinner with my parents and some friends to celebrate my birthday. It was nice because we went to our favorite Mexican place and I got to have a great big margarita. I got some really nice Avon bath gel from my girl friend and then my folks gave me some money to help me buy this graphics software that I’ve been wanting forever. 

We all had way too much to eat and then we all split up for the night. I went over to my sis’s house, where I visited my 4-yr. old nephew and then they put him to bed so we could visit.

Today I found myself staying in bed until around 11 a.m. and did not want to get dressed or do anything of much importance, until my sis decided that we needed to go over to my folks house and get some of her old stuff out of their basement so they could do some work down there.

Since my folks are both retired now, they will be having a garage sale this spring and hopefully moving into a newer and smaller house, or else they will find one of those seniors townhome communities or something like that to live in, where there isn’t any assisted living thing or anything like that, and they wouldn’t have to maintain the property.  An ideal fit either way, since they plan to do alot of camping and traveling.

Anyway, so my sis and I go to my folks house (they were out of town) and we sat in the basement, going through all her old crap and laughing our asses off, ’cause we were looking at her old scrapbooks and love notes and junk, and especially the old clothes made us just howl.  Do you remember stirrup pants??  Ick.  I can’t believe we wore them!

Then I went home, bought some groceries, had some dinner and now here I am enjoying my free time, only I think my bedtime has passed once again.

Time for me to hit the ‘ol hay,

Same day, different year..

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I love Saturdays, yes I do! Too bad they don’t last too long. Got out of bed late today, because I was up until 3 a.m. editing a site that I maintain for a non-profit organization. I am sooooo bad at javascript. Let me tell you…I’m gonna have to take a course or something. I thought I mastered it last summer on my own by reading up on it, but I proved myself wrong that night.

So much technology to master, so little time. Technology doesn’t seem to phaze todays kids, have you noticed? I bet some have never even used a record player or better yet, an eight track or one of those console RCA tv’s without a remote control. Today I wish I was a kid again, playing outside forever, even in the snow, in summers riding my bike, doing things my parents wished I hadn’t, like helping some older kids build tree forts in the woods beyond our backyard. Kids these days have no imagination when it comes to playing. They have all these video games, and the internet. The internet isn’t meant for kids, anyway, I think.

We had such fun when I was a kid, even when we were with our parents. Back then we went to drive-in movies, roller rinks, garage sales and flea markets. I loved the flea markets the most, because here were all these people, putting out their personal stuff, for people to rummage through. Their most precious junk….Elvis paintings, Roy Rogers lunchboxes, movie posters, mason jars and china and kewpie dolls, and my sister and I took it all in, eyes big as plates, wondering how people could just toss their treasures to the wind and wondering how much further to walk through these roads and fields in the blazing August sun before we could get to the next port-a-potty or soda wagon.

Sometimes we had fun just staring in wonder and amazement at the people who decided to entertain the crowds with their talents. I can still see and hear the man playing the guitar with the Willie Nelson-inspired straps, singing that song by Don McLean. You know the one…It’s like, eleven minutes long and I think when they play it on the radio it means the DJ is sitting on ‘the throne’ or else the next one hasn’t shown up yet for his shift.

I got an ad in the mail yesterday for the Literary Guild and was leafing through it today when I realized I’m way behind the times when it comes to books. The last new one I read was one by J. Grisham, who I like but I notice today he’s got two hardcovers already out that I missed. I’m gonna have to update my collection.

Time for me to hit the sack.

You remember me mentioning the twenty-something guy in my building that no one ever sees hide nor hair of?? Well, I saw him down in the basement tonight, just as I was getting into the laundry room, he was leaving.

I doubt he saw me, so it was nearly impossible to utter a ‘hello’ to him, unless I walked out of my way to bump into him.

I had to wash three huge loads of clothes tonight, always one of colors, one of darks, and one of whites. Lucky for me, I was able to do all the sorting, loading, and running back and forth to change loads between commercials while watching t.v. tonight. I DID watch NBC’s coverage of Golden Globes, and pre-show.

I don’t ordinarily care for this type of ‘entertainment’ but I insist on keeping abreast of this sort of stuff. I was not surprised at all to see HBO’s The Sopranos get the award for best drama, nor was I shocked to see that American Beauty got Best Picture in the Drama category. I have heard nothing but good things about both of these from people I know who have good taste in movies and t.v.

This book I picked up from the library is slow going. I don’t know why. The story is hard to follow. I like the stories and flashbacks but it’s not really gripping me enough to the point where I can keep track of all the characters and whatnot.

Maybe it’s not as great a book as I had hoped. I did, after all, pick it up at a discount store. maybe it’s just me. More than likely, it’s the latter. Sometimes I just don’t give books the chance they deserve. Like years ago, I gave up reading Tom Clancy’s The Hunt For Red October (which people say was a great book) because there was just too much submarine terminology and military references that baffled me, I couldn’t understand how laymen could even keep up. If there is a story to be told, I would prefer the author just gets down to business and tell it. I am less likely to dismiss a book because it’s not ‘believeable enough’ to read, like so many people who stop reading it or get disappointed because they know for a fact that the whatchamacallit on a military submarine is blue and is located at the rear, not the front of the sub.

I can, and DO appreciate the author who does his/her research and gets enough info or else has EXPERIENCED the story, in order to let the reader know about where the story takes place, but I am way more interested in the story and the characters, than I am of their geographical and material surroundings.

Anyway!  As you were.  More later.

Same day, different year..

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• My Weekend as a Domestic Goddess – 2005

You are a Puerto Rican

You are a Puerto Rican

You are a Puerto Rican

Why do they keep letting this guy have roles in movies? He’s a worse actor than Daryl Hannah! I mean Daryl Hannah’s at least pretty…at best, they could just put a still picture of her on the TV once in awhile, but please don’t let her try to act.

But I digress…back to Freddy: He could never replace his dad. Ever. And how come the Scooby Doo filmmakers couldn’t get a better ‘Fred’?
Dude, Matthew Lillard would have been a much better pick for the role. Christ, even Mr. T would have been a better pick.

And then there’s Sarah Michelle Gellar, aka Buffy. Scratch that, I’ll just call her “Buffy”. Let me ask two questions: HOW did such a shitty movie as “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” get to be such a popular series? And about Buffy & Freddy Prinze, Jr: Are these two the Bobsey Twins? They have been in 3 movies together already. Are they joined at the hip? Personally, I find this to be very annoying. I realize the director of Scooby Doo wanted a ‘real-life hollywood couple’ to play Fred & Daphne but I *could not* be constantly around my fiance, although I love him to pieces, we both need space. I would think every couple on the planet does.

PS – if you like Matthew Lillard you HAVE TO see SLC Punk!! That was the first movie I ever saw him in…it’s one of my faves and it is on the list of my all-time faves, among Clerks, Fight Club, Swingers, Goodfellas, Trainspotting, and True Romance.

*Ahem*

Moving along…

ABC bleeps out ‘Jesus’!
Were you watching this when it happened? What were you thinking? It’s one of my favorite shows but alas, I missed this episode. Of course, even if I had seen the show, I would not have heard a ‘bleep’ on my TV, because apparently this censoring was only done to the West Coast feed of the show.

ABC once again proves they are feeding the overly sensitive PC freaks. Only in this case, they have not just simply been politically correct. Like Elizabeth Swasey, spokeswoman for the Media Research Center, says, “It is political correctness run amok,” ABC feeds babies, walks them hand in hand and changes their shitty diapers. Look in the Webster-Merriam for the definition of ‘babysitter’ and you’ll see their stupid logo right next to it.

Their excuse for the bleep is this: “Under the circumstances, we were concerned it would be offensive to our audience,” says ABC spokeswoman Julie Hoover. The network has no problem with Jesus Christ’s name if it is used in a “prayerful and respectful manner.”, but ABC does not allow Jesus’ name to be used in an exclamation.

Day Lee notes: Yes, Julie, perhaps most folks who watch ABC would be offended. However, the audience that watches “The View” and the audience that trusts and buys into your commie B.S. that is on other shows and in your newscasts, are two different ones.

Jeffy Falwell shit his pants when he learned about this. In a newspaper article, he wrote, “ABC’s action was wrong. What makes it worse, is that many cable television networks are habitually blasphemous,” and, “Conservative Catholics and evangelical Christians are expected to accept this double standard and keep our mouths shut.”

Same day, different year..

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• Controversy over King Tut – 2005

Tonight as I read through all my emails, catch up with people on ICQ and go back to all the sites I so often visit, I think back to the day I decided to do this and try to remember what it was that made me want to do this…I am pretty sure it was because I loved the free and liberating feeling I got from typing out all my  dreams/observations/feelings/frustrations, and also being able to share just a little piece of my world.

Now in retrospect, I see that I really haven’t even scratched the surface, I actually have been somewhat cheating at this by not sharing with you the things that TRULY, honestly disturb, annoy, inspire and motivate me. I guess it is because I was a little scared about the things I may say in here.

I’m not afraid of what any stranger reads in this, or any friend of mine, for that matter. It’s just that there are things going on in my life that I would like to talk about here but I guess I just didn’t have the courage to do so just for the simple fact that my mother is watching! O.K., there, I’ve said it.

BTW: “Hi, Mom!” LOL. Not to say that I don’t SHARE with my mom, I do. I don’t keep much from her, and I would not mind her reading about my life here in this page but I prefer to share these things with her in person. Do you get where I’m coming from? Man, I must be crazy because this has kind of been plaguing me for a couple of months, now.

So here it is: I’ve decided that from tonight on, this will be a no-holds-barred, no bull, no hiding from reality entry page, and I promise that to you. I know that alot of people who read online diaries/journals and such do so just for this purpose, because I am one of them. We like to creep into the minds of people, to get an insight of how they live and how they feel about it.

Whew. Now that I got that out, I’m sure that this will be alot easier on me from now on. I mean, what’s harder? Trying to force out pleasantries or getting out your gut feelings? I’d prefer to go with the latter, myself, and I do hope that those of you reading me in here don’t think of my past entries as ingenuine, or phony, ’cause they’re not. I’ve always posted my own stuff, my own real thoughts, all straight off the top of my head right to the keyboard. But just not enough to satisfy myself. Don’t forget that I do this for ME! LOL…so I might as well do it right…

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain: Do you watch The Wizard of Oz when it comes on every year? Did you ever wonder how the name Oz was created? Apparently, the man who created the story, Frank Baum, was trying to think of a name. He looked around the room for inspiration when he spied a small file cabinet with two drawers marked A – N and O – Z. The rest is history.

Same day, different year..

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Whoo Haa-

I’m baaaaack!

Okay, just to clue you all in as to what’s going on…my life is back on track, and in a neat order.

Somewhat.

I’m working. It’s work. Not a career. Work. It pays the bills and buys the creature comforts I require now and then.

James and I got us a place together in St. Paul. Just a place. A cute, little second floor apartment just a couple minutes from downtown.

I’ve a hunch that our place is very adjacent to one of the many ghetto-fabulous neighborhoods in the area. This was apparent when I waltzed into the nearby SuperAmerica store for a few things and found myself getting all but knocked on my ass by some dude who thinks he’s the bling king. What’s the big rush? Just to get his pack o’ Newports so he get his ’smoke on’.

Also there is a foreign imports tuner shop directly across the street. The owner and his clientele frequently rev up their little Hondas and make them speed loudly around the corner, resulting in noise that excites my testosterone-and-metal-crazed lover to no end. That sound is alot like a very loud, long, painful fart coming from someone who’s suffering from severe gastro-intestinal disorders due to a recent single-handed consumption of an entire White Castle Crave Case.

Sigh.

Right now we’re on a dial-up connection provided gratis, via Juno.com. Just for now, while awaiting DSL service from Visi, whom we have the highest expectations of since we’ve heard nothing but MARVELOUS things about from friends and neighbors.

Ah, anyway, let me go blow the dust off some more stuff. I’ll keep ya posted…

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