BJ Woods

This is a list of the supposed ‘100 Worst Songs of All Time’ (that were on the music charts). I think they update it every year.

Well, I suppose many of those, I could’ve done without, but there are a couple songs on there that I happen to like! (OK, if you must know, it’s MacArthur Park). Does that mean I have bad taste or perhaps that I just like to reminisce a little?? some people.

Well, I have lots more to talk about but alas, my eyelids are getting heavy and I really shant delay my beauty sleep any further or I’ll turn into a monster by morning.

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• My Weekend as a Domestic Goddess – 2005

20) The cucumber has left the salad.

19) I can see the gun of Navarone.

18) Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

17) You’ve got Windows on your laptop.

16) Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.

15) Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.

14) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

13) Please bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

12) Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…

11) Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

10) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

9) Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

8) Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

7) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

6) Dr. Kimble has escaped!

5) Mr. President, you’ve got your fly set for “Monica” instead of “Hillary.”

4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction…

3) You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2) I’m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
..and The Number One Way to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped..

1) Men are From Mars, I Can See Your Penis !

Same day, different year..

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I don’t have too much to tell about my weekend, yesterday I spent a good part of the morning plotting some updates for one of my web projects, but with no content coming in from the client, I am at a standstill.

Then later this morning, I went and did some shopping with my folks and went to the bank.  A nice warm day, too, almost too warm for April, but still perfect for doing errands.
I received an e-mail the other day from guru.com to notify me that I had been nominated for their ‘Rookie of the Year” award. I was not told who nominated me, nor has anyone I know hinted about it. I do, however have a couple of people in mind if I have to venture a guess, but I am not going to say who in HERE…if you are reading this and you are the one who nominated me, please let me know because I am very curious.

Saturday night I went to dinner with my parents and some friends to celebrate my birthday. It was nice because we went to our favorite Mexican place and I got to have a great big margarita. I got some really nice Avon bath gel from my girl friend and then my folks gave me some money to help me buy this graphics software that I’ve been wanting forever. 

We all had way too much to eat and then we all split up for the night. I went over to my sis’s house, where I visited my 4-yr. old nephew and then they put him to bed so we could visit.

Today I found myself staying in bed until around 11 a.m. and did not want to get dressed or do anything of much importance, until my sis decided that we needed to go over to my folks house and get some of her old stuff out of their basement so they could do some work down there.

Since my folks are both retired now, they will be having a garage sale this spring and hopefully moving into a newer and smaller house, or else they will find one of those seniors townhome communities or something like that to live in, where there isn’t any assisted living thing or anything like that, and they wouldn’t have to maintain the property.  An ideal fit either way, since they plan to do alot of camping and traveling.

Anyway, so my sis and I go to my folks house (they were out of town) and we sat in the basement, going through all her old crap and laughing our asses off, ’cause we were looking at her old scrapbooks and love notes and junk, and especially the old clothes made us just howl.  Do you remember stirrup pants??  Ick.  I can’t believe we wore them!

Then I went home, bought some groceries, had some dinner and now here I am enjoying my free time, only I think my bedtime has passed once again.

Time for me to hit the ‘ol hay,

Same day, different year..

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I love Saturdays, yes I do! Too bad they don’t last too long. Got out of bed late today, because I was up until 3 a.m. editing a site that I maintain for a non-profit organization. I am sooooo bad at javascript. Let me tell you…I’m gonna have to take a course or something. I thought I mastered it last summer on my own by reading up on it, but I proved myself wrong that night.

So much technology to master, so little time. Technology doesn’t seem to phaze todays kids, have you noticed? I bet some have never even used a record player or better yet, an eight track or one of those console RCA tv’s without a remote control. Today I wish I was a kid again, playing outside forever, even in the snow, in summers riding my bike, doing things my parents wished I hadn’t, like helping some older kids build tree forts in the woods beyond our backyard. Kids these days have no imagination when it comes to playing. They have all these video games, and the internet. The internet isn’t meant for kids, anyway, I think.

We had such fun when I was a kid, even when we were with our parents. Back then we went to drive-in movies, roller rinks, garage sales and flea markets. I loved the flea markets the most, because here were all these people, putting out their personal stuff, for people to rummage through. Their most precious junk….Elvis paintings, Roy Rogers lunchboxes, movie posters, mason jars and china and kewpie dolls, and my sister and I took it all in, eyes big as plates, wondering how people could just toss their treasures to the wind and wondering how much further to walk through these roads and fields in the blazing August sun before we could get to the next port-a-potty or soda wagon.

Sometimes we had fun just staring in wonder and amazement at the people who decided to entertain the crowds with their talents. I can still see and hear the man playing the guitar with the Willie Nelson-inspired straps, singing that song by Don McLean. You know the one…It’s like, eleven minutes long and I think when they play it on the radio it means the DJ is sitting on ‘the throne’ or else the next one hasn’t shown up yet for his shift.

I got an ad in the mail yesterday for the Literary Guild and was leafing through it today when I realized I’m way behind the times when it comes to books. The last new one I read was one by J. Grisham, who I like but I notice today he’s got two hardcovers already out that I missed. I’m gonna have to update my collection.

Time for me to hit the sack.

You remember me mentioning the twenty-something guy in my building that no one ever sees hide nor hair of?? Well, I saw him down in the basement tonight, just as I was getting into the laundry room, he was leaving.

I doubt he saw me, so it was nearly impossible to utter a ‘hello’ to him, unless I walked out of my way to bump into him.

I had to wash three huge loads of clothes tonight, always one of colors, one of darks, and one of whites. Lucky for me, I was able to do all the sorting, loading, and running back and forth to change loads between commercials while watching t.v. tonight. I DID watch NBC’s coverage of Golden Globes, and pre-show.

I don’t ordinarily care for this type of ‘entertainment’ but I insist on keeping abreast of this sort of stuff. I was not surprised at all to see HBO’s The Sopranos get the award for best drama, nor was I shocked to see that American Beauty got Best Picture in the Drama category. I have heard nothing but good things about both of these from people I know who have good taste in movies and t.v.

This book I picked up from the library is slow going. I don’t know why. The story is hard to follow. I like the stories and flashbacks but it’s not really gripping me enough to the point where I can keep track of all the characters and whatnot.

Maybe it’s not as great a book as I had hoped. I did, after all, pick it up at a discount store. maybe it’s just me. More than likely, it’s the latter. Sometimes I just don’t give books the chance they deserve. Like years ago, I gave up reading Tom Clancy’s The Hunt For Red October (which people say was a great book) because there was just too much submarine terminology and military references that baffled me, I couldn’t understand how laymen could even keep up. If there is a story to be told, I would prefer the author just gets down to business and tell it. I am less likely to dismiss a book because it’s not ‘believeable enough’ to read, like so many people who stop reading it or get disappointed because they know for a fact that the whatchamacallit on a military submarine is blue and is located at the rear, not the front of the sub.

I can, and DO appreciate the author who does his/her research and gets enough info or else has EXPERIENCED the story, in order to let the reader know about where the story takes place, but I am way more interested in the story and the characters, than I am of their geographical and material surroundings.

Anyway!  As you were.  More later.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• My Weekend as a Domestic Goddess – 2005

You are a Puerto Rican

You are a Puerto Rican

You are a Puerto Rican

Why do they keep letting this guy have roles in movies? He’s a worse actor than Daryl Hannah! I mean Daryl Hannah’s at least pretty…at best, they could just put a still picture of her on the TV once in awhile, but please don’t let her try to act.

But I digress…back to Freddy: He could never replace his dad. Ever. And how come the Scooby Doo filmmakers couldn’t get a better ‘Fred’?
Dude, Matthew Lillard would have been a much better pick for the role. Christ, even Mr. T would have been a better pick.

And then there’s Sarah Michelle Gellar, aka Buffy. Scratch that, I’ll just call her “Buffy”. Let me ask two questions: HOW did such a shitty movie as “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” get to be such a popular series? And about Buffy & Freddy Prinze, Jr: Are these two the Bobsey Twins? They have been in 3 movies together already. Are they joined at the hip? Personally, I find this to be very annoying. I realize the director of Scooby Doo wanted a ‘real-life hollywood couple’ to play Fred & Daphne but I *could not* be constantly around my fiance, although I love him to pieces, we both need space. I would think every couple on the planet does.

PS – if you like Matthew Lillard you HAVE TO see SLC Punk!! That was the first movie I ever saw him in…it’s one of my faves and it is on the list of my all-time faves, among Clerks, Fight Club, Swingers, Goodfellas, Trainspotting, and True Romance.

*Ahem*

Moving along…

ABC bleeps out ‘Jesus’!
Were you watching this when it happened? What were you thinking? It’s one of my favorite shows but alas, I missed this episode. Of course, even if I had seen the show, I would not have heard a ‘bleep’ on my TV, because apparently this censoring was only done to the West Coast feed of the show.

ABC once again proves they are feeding the overly sensitive PC freaks. Only in this case, they have not just simply been politically correct. Like Elizabeth Swasey, spokeswoman for the Media Research Center, says, “It is political correctness run amok,” ABC feeds babies, walks them hand in hand and changes their shitty diapers. Look in the Webster-Merriam for the definition of ‘babysitter’ and you’ll see their stupid logo right next to it.

Their excuse for the bleep is this: “Under the circumstances, we were concerned it would be offensive to our audience,” says ABC spokeswoman Julie Hoover. The network has no problem with Jesus Christ’s name if it is used in a “prayerful and respectful manner.”, but ABC does not allow Jesus’ name to be used in an exclamation.

Day Lee notes: Yes, Julie, perhaps most folks who watch ABC would be offended. However, the audience that watches “The View” and the audience that trusts and buys into your commie B.S. that is on other shows and in your newscasts, are two different ones.

Jeffy Falwell shit his pants when he learned about this. In a newspaper article, he wrote, “ABC’s action was wrong. What makes it worse, is that many cable television networks are habitually blasphemous,” and, “Conservative Catholics and evangelical Christians are expected to accept this double standard and keep our mouths shut.”

Same day, different year..

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• Controversy over King Tut – 2005

Tonight as I read through all my emails, catch up with people on ICQ and go back to all the sites I so often visit, I think back to the day I decided to do this and try to remember what it was that made me want to do this…I am pretty sure it was because I loved the free and liberating feeling I got from typing out all my  dreams/observations/feelings/frustrations, and also being able to share just a little piece of my world.

Now in retrospect, I see that I really haven’t even scratched the surface, I actually have been somewhat cheating at this by not sharing with you the things that TRULY, honestly disturb, annoy, inspire and motivate me. I guess it is because I was a little scared about the things I may say in here.

I’m not afraid of what any stranger reads in this, or any friend of mine, for that matter. It’s just that there are things going on in my life that I would like to talk about here but I guess I just didn’t have the courage to do so just for the simple fact that my mother is watching! O.K., there, I’ve said it.

BTW: “Hi, Mom!” LOL. Not to say that I don’t SHARE with my mom, I do. I don’t keep much from her, and I would not mind her reading about my life here in this page but I prefer to share these things with her in person. Do you get where I’m coming from? Man, I must be crazy because this has kind of been plaguing me for a couple of months, now.

So here it is: I’ve decided that from tonight on, this will be a no-holds-barred, no bull, no hiding from reality entry page, and I promise that to you. I know that alot of people who read online diaries/journals and such do so just for this purpose, because I am one of them. We like to creep into the minds of people, to get an insight of how they live and how they feel about it.

Whew. Now that I got that out, I’m sure that this will be alot easier on me from now on. I mean, what’s harder? Trying to force out pleasantries or getting out your gut feelings? I’d prefer to go with the latter, myself, and I do hope that those of you reading me in here don’t think of my past entries as ingenuine, or phony, ’cause they’re not. I’ve always posted my own stuff, my own real thoughts, all straight off the top of my head right to the keyboard. But just not enough to satisfy myself. Don’t forget that I do this for ME! LOL…so I might as well do it right…

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain: Do you watch The Wizard of Oz when it comes on every year? Did you ever wonder how the name Oz was created? Apparently, the man who created the story, Frank Baum, was trying to think of a name. He looked around the room for inspiration when he spied a small file cabinet with two drawers marked A – N and O – Z. The rest is history.

Same day, different year..

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Whoo Haa-

I’m baaaaack!

Okay, just to clue you all in as to what’s going on…my life is back on track, and in a neat order.

Somewhat.

I’m working. It’s work. Not a career. Work. It pays the bills and buys the creature comforts I require now and then.

James and I got us a place together in St. Paul. Just a place. A cute, little second floor apartment just a couple minutes from downtown.

I’ve a hunch that our place is very adjacent to one of the many ghetto-fabulous neighborhoods in the area. This was apparent when I waltzed into the nearby SuperAmerica store for a few things and found myself getting all but knocked on my ass by some dude who thinks he’s the bling king. What’s the big rush? Just to get his pack o’ Newports so he get his ’smoke on’.

Also there is a foreign imports tuner shop directly across the street. The owner and his clientele frequently rev up their little Hondas and make them speed loudly around the corner, resulting in noise that excites my testosterone-and-metal-crazed lover to no end. That sound is alot like a very loud, long, painful fart coming from someone who’s suffering from severe gastro-intestinal disorders due to a recent single-handed consumption of an entire White Castle Crave Case.

Sigh.

Right now we’re on a dial-up connection provided gratis, via Juno.com. Just for now, while awaiting DSL service from Visi, whom we have the highest expectations of since we’ve heard nothing but MARVELOUS things about from friends and neighbors.

Ah, anyway, let me go blow the dust off some more stuff. I’ll keep ya posted…

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OK so I’ve taken hiatus from the last few Filthy Lie assignments but that’s because I’ve been busy doing a whole lot of nuthin’.

Truth be told, I spent Friday helping a friend move and then all day Saturday and most of this morning trying to combat a computer virus. My browser, no matter what URL I’d type into the address bar, was redirecting me to some funky search site and there wasn’t much I could do about it. But I finally managed to be rid of that problem with the help of AdAware and SpyBot Search & Destroy.

Now that my browser is all better, I went over to see the latest dish. The last good assignment IMHO, was this one, and of all the contributions, I have to say that this one took the cake….

Dr. Phat Tony reporting on Evil Glenn’s Fourth Celebration: Cat Steaks and Puppy Rockets galore

I had a boring weekend. Not much to tell.

Went out Friday night, got really really really wet since it rained all damned night. W ent to a luncheon on Saturday. Went to my mom’s and visited with my nephew and had a beer with my sis and her hubby. Went home and haven’t left the house since Sat. evening. Don’t care. Don’t want to do much of anything.

I did have a weird dream, though. Madonna had flown into the states, it was the day before the Oscars. She and I were in my parents’ basement (?) and had sat down to talk while I paged through some glossy magazine. Her husband, Guy, was in the other room with a captive audience. He was dressed all in black spandex and looked oddly like a Sprocket. He was showing off his new ’stick’. It was a long metal pole that had a shorter metal pole strung to the end of it, sort of like how tent poles are made, with elastic rope inside them. The end of the short part had a jump ring on it and Guy would do a little leap and a jig, fling the pole into the air and catch it and then he waved the pole toward his head and stuck his tongue out. He had a pierced tongue and the jump ring would attach to the piercing and then he would pull on the pole until the elastic rope was stretched all the way. Then he would let go of it and the ring would detatch from his tongue and he tossed the pole into the air again and then caught it (I suppose you had to be there, it’s sort of weird to try and explain). Everyone watching him was very amused, applauding and hooting. I didn’t know all these people, nor did I seem to care where they came from. Madonna pretended not to notice and I was still flipping through the magazine. I stopped on a page that had a picture of Jean-Paul Gaultier on it, and I was counting the wrinkles from the top of his head to his brow. Madonna told me she had missed me and then started to pout and her eyes got misty. She then got up and started pacing. She wouldn’t stop. We talked about the weather and then she casually pointed out that her little brother Ryan could kill a person in 25 seconds. I asked her how she knew that (why didn’t I ask her who the hell Ryan was? I didn’t know she had a brother by that name). She flinched and then said “We have to go now, the kids want to see their Grandpa.”

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