{"id":215,"date":"2006-06-27T17:49:08","date_gmt":"2006-06-27T17:49:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/?p=215"},"modified":"2006-06-27T17:49:08","modified_gmt":"2006-06-27T17:49:08","slug":"kiss-my-sass-blog-archive-the-unwritten-rules","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/?p=215","title":{"rendered":"Kiss My Sass \u00bb Blog Archive \u00bb The unwritten rules"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u2026of Communication Between Men<\/strong> \u00a0<\/p>\n

Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.<\/p>\n

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.<\/p>\n

It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. When a heroic dog dies to save it\u2019s master b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse c. After wrecking your boss\u2019 car. d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into \u201cThe Crying Game\u201d.<\/p>\n

e. When your Date is using her teeth<\/p>\n

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.<\/p>\n

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who\u2019s running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.<\/p>\n

Bitching about the brand of free beer in a male friend\u2019s fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.<\/p>\n

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man (in fact, even remembering your buddy\u2019s birthday is strictly optional).<\/p>\n

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.<\/p>\n

While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies\u2019 girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals\u2019 significant dick-heads\u2014 low level sports bonding is all the law requires (sorry ladies, it\u2019s called a double standard and we drew the short straw on that one).<\/p>\n

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who\u2019s playing.<\/p>\n

You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she\u2019s officially your girlfriend.<\/p>\n

It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you\u2019re sunning on a tropical beach\u2026.and it\u2019s delivered by a topless supermodel\u2026and it\u2019s free.<\/p>\n

Unless you\u2019re in prison, never fight naked.<\/p>\n

Friends don\u2019t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.<\/p>\n

If a man\u2019s zipper is down, that\u2019s his problem\u2014you didn\u2019t see nothin\u2019.<\/p>\n

Women who claim to \u201clove to watch sports\u201d must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers.<\/p>\n

You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend\u2019s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.<\/p>\n

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.<\/p>\n

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That\u2019s just plain mean.<\/p>\n

If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you\u2019d better be talking about his choice of beer.<\/p>\n

Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a male friend of yours, except if she\u2019s withholding sex pending your response.<\/p>\n

Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C\u2019mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers!<\/p>\n

d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?<\/p>\n

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.<\/p>\n

Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary.<\/p>\n

The morning after you and a babe who was formerly \u201cjust a friend\u201d have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you\u2019re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.<\/p>\n

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
\nOnce again we\u2019ve brought you another quality topic to refer to for your frantic social lives.<\/p>\n

Please join us for our next topic. It will be a pleasure of ours.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Same day, different year..<\/h3>\n

\nOther posts on this day:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2026of Communication Between Men \u00a0 Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. When a heroic dog dies to save it\u2019s … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Kiss My Sass \u00bb Blog Archive \u00bb The unwritten rules”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-215","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/215","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=215"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/215\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=215"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=215"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbijowoods.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=215"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}