Something I made for those of you looking for an alternative ad site loserlife.<\/p>\n
Enjoy<\/p>\n
Okay. Just so you know, me and James are soooo over.<\/p>\n
He’s a fucknut<\/p>\n
I kicked him out 3 weeks ago because for a long time he was only home when it was time for him to sleep and then sometimes not at all. When he was home off of work he was an asshole. Now I find out he’s been going after this chick he works with since probably Christmas. So we’re done.<\/p>\n
\nAnyway, I was cruising the personals (wow have those changed in the last 3 years) and I thought it was totally hilarious that the only people that IM’ed me were full-on freaks from countries other than USA, or else they were old. Hello! Read the listing where it says I’m looking for people between 26-36 and, um…. ENGRISH–you speak it, mofo?!<\/p>\n
Then I go back to the home page and it says “You Have Matches!” I go through them and I almost pee my pants from laughing. Some asshole has the audacity to put as his ad title, “Who wants a mustache ride?”. Let me get in line for THAT!<\/p>\n
\nThe other dorkus-malorkus they want me to check out has put ‘painthuffer’ for his screen name. I don’t know what to do except laugh! Well? What can I write to him?<\/p>\n
“Sorry…I’m only accepting inquiries from glue sniffers, dust snorters, and crotch scratchers!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
?<\/p>\n
\nha ha.<\/p>\n
Okay…I know this is SOOOO late but I saved my logs from 2003 and finally went through them to see which search terms were the most popular. And here they are:<\/p>\n
Most Popular Disturbing Real Search Requests for 2003<\/b><\/p>\n
spam revenge, blog revenge, blog revenge pics<\/b><\/p>\n
Ah, yes. I’ve always wanted to really ‘stick it’ to my blog by way of a snapshot. Actually my cell phone did once…way back when (remember those green screens?!)<\/p>\n
8 to i3 year old girl nudists<\/b><\/p>\n
www.shut your mouth up, shut.com, shut it<\/b><\/p>\n
what’s the deal with britney spears’ boobs, britney boobs, britney spears naked<\/b><\/p>\n
full house anorexia<\/b><\/p>\n
i got two penises, man with two penises, people has two penises<\/b><\/p>\n
crystal meth burp, hock a loogy, loogy, burp<\/b><\/p>\n
grandma’s house hot pics, hot grandma, grandma bathroom pics<\/b><\/p>\n
what does wack mean, wack, worldwide wack<\/b>
\nThat is the word for the sound my head makes when I pound it on my desk because the only people that come to my site are looking for undressed famous people, inebriated minors, or males with multiple genitalia.<\/p>\nwhy men look at porn when in a relationship, porn is cheating, porn cheater, men look at porn<\/b> Welcome to Men 101.<\/p>\n
The Reason Men Look At Porn When In A Relationship Is Mainly Because Men Have Looked At Porn Any Damn Way, Since The Beginning Of Time. So It Really Doesn’t Matter If The Man Is In A Relationship Or Not. But One Highly Regarded Theory Is This:<\/p>\n
The Reason A Man Looks At Porn When In A Relationship is because the man has become comfortable within the relationship to the point of letting the woman “mother” him. Once a woman has started to take care of the man’s every need (because who the fuck else will, the bastard is lucky to be breathing every day let aloine wearing clean clothes!) Things like Wiping The Snot Off his nose, Picking Up Dirty Socks from the DINING ROOM floor, and Waking him up Every Day, the woman will verbally let the man know that This Shit Is Not Going To Go Down With Her Any More. Then the man starts to no longer see the woman as an attractive mate, rather as A Nagging Bitch Who Doesn’t Give Him Any Ass Lately and therefore the man constantly needs to whack off to images of women he would never even get the time of day from, except in an Online Chat Room. In the man’s warped sense there is Hope That He Will One Day Find A Lover As Attractive And Giving And Submissive as the porno lady and leave the one he is with. What the man doesn’t realize is that any woman, no matter how Attractive And Giving And Submissive would not Put Up With The Same Shit that his current partner nags him about, and thus won’t Give Him Any Ass either. Men may stop looking at porn in a relationship wherein the woman tosses all sense of herself to the wind and becomes an empty shell of stupidity and servitude, but men will continue to Whack Off to images of other women.<\/p>\n
Other related recommended reading: A Good Old Fashioned Fuck<\/p>\n
silly drunk.com, stupid drunk com, drunk chics com, drunk people<\/b>
\nNo…silly you!<\/p>\ngangsta bitch barbie<\/b>
\nOh my that was a long time ago. I’ll post the link for that later.<\/p>\nleon budweiser<\/b> Who the fuck is Leon and why is everyone coming here looking for him and budweiser?<\/p>\n
filandering dictionary<\/b><\/p>\n
i’d rather go naked than wear fur i’d rather go naked than wear fur<\/b> I’m very sure the above phrase is NOT one of those “magic” childhood fantasy things which bears repeating, like a wish or a positive thought. The formula of such memorable “magic” calls for phrases which are normallly bereft of words like ‘naked’, much less any hint of political staement. Not like in these examples: “I think I can, I think I can!” and “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home”…<\/p>\n
Then again, repeating “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” could be a very valid magic phrase if coming from a squirrel who is either an exhibitionist\/nymphomaniac or is repenting the ultimate sin of having fur and not feahers. (?)<\/p>\n
You decide.<\/p>\n
matt lauer didn’t go here where in the world, where in the world is matt lauer, where did matt go in the world in 2002<\/b>
\nNo idea. I’m new here.<\/p>\nwho invented cargo pants<\/b><\/p>\n
Not me…but Ally Hilfiger claims her dad did.<\/p>\n
bitchslap.net<\/b><\/p>\n
You mean not one soul has rushed to adopt that classy domain name yet?<\/p>\n
crap snacker, poop snack<\/b><\/p>\n
No thanks, I’m trying to cut down.<\/p>\n
how horny are you, are you horny<\/b><\/p>\n
Not really, I’m afraid…now that I’ve discovered what a lazy slob my fiancee can be! [what a friggrin turnoff] Okay, okay. So there was one time.<\/p>\n
bathroom cruising<\/b><\/p>\n
George Michael does not live here!<\/p>\n
portrayal of animals in hollywood films<\/b><\/p>\n
You mean they don’t play themselves? *Gasp* Such scandal!<\/p>\n
naked day<\/b><\/p>\n
Janet Jackson doesn’t live here, either! …how many times do I have to tell you people?!<\/p>\n
And neither does Sinead O’Connor, Roseanne Barr, Matchbox Twenty, Darva Conger, Sam Donaldson, or Chuck Knoblauch, for that matter. Scram! Go crawling to Celebrities Uncensored, or someplace, for that kind of crap.<\/p>\n
31 years ago today my mother was in hard labor at St. Lukes hospital in St. Paul, MN and it was snowing outside. The doctor came in and said to her, “It’s snowing out! AND it’s April Fool’s day! You sure you want to have this baby today?” to which she replied “I don’t give a shit if it’s Halloween, GET IT OUT OF ME!”<\/p>\n
I did eventually come out. I did it when I was darm good and ready. And I wouldn’t shut up. I still don’t do what I’m expected to and I do things only when I’m good and ready…and I haven’t shut up just yet.<\/p>\n
Test your ‘professionalism’<\/b> While doing some job searching I ran across te following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a “professional.” Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.<\/p>\n
Question #1: How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?<\/b><\/p>\n
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe,
\nand close the door.<\/p>\nThis question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.<\/p>\n
Question #2: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?<\/b><\/p>\n
Did you say, “Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close
\nthe refrigerator?” (Wrong Answer)<\/p>\nCorrect Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.<\/p>\n
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.<\/p>\n
Question #3: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All
\nthe animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?<\/b> The correct answer is: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.<\/p>\nQuestion #4: There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by
\ncrocodiles. How do you manage it?<\/b><\/p>\nThe correct answer is: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.<\/p>\n
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.<\/p>\n
I didn’t get any of these answered because I thought they were jokes so I just kept scrolling through to the answers…and then laughing out loud. Guess that makes me an ass and not a professional!<\/p>\n
Lullaby Music Videos<\/b>
\nYes indeedy…VH-1 has this program that comes on after 2am and it’s called “Insomniac Music Theater”, you night owls have probably seen it many times over or at least know about it. Let me tell you that all they play is the top 10 or 20 videos that are already in heavy rotation. Guaranteed to put you back in bed, eh? First video out of the gates is…”My Immortal” by Evanessence. Yes folks, that sucker comes on and whoo doggy…puts me right to sleep in a quicky hurry! Boy, that there VH-1 sure knows a thing or two about helping people go to bed! Good God if I see that or the “Jet” video one more time I will scream. Anyway what is WITH Amy Lee lying on shit anyway…lying in a treetop, on the roof of a VW beetle, up on a scaffolding, on top of a park fountain, on a corrugated tin roof? Is she unable to walk or has she fallen? OH I get it…this is some sequel to the previous video hit, “Fallen” and she’s all scruffy lookin’ like she really fell and died? Search me. And what’s with the wrist bandages? Has she slit herself? I see wrist bandages on lots of musicians these days…I know that athletes and musicians wrap hankies or wear bands around their wrists to absorb sweat but jeez! I doubt Amy’s hands would get sweaty when she’s lying on a cold tin roof on a windy eve, looking ever so mournful as though her dog died. Has the world gone so fucking goth now, that when I wasn’t looking everyone cut their wrists up and then whoops, nevermind I’m fine!(?) Which reminds me, that guy in Maroon 5 wears them too but jeez..that “This Love” video, that’s just total porn right there if you ask me, they just added a bunch of swirling flower graphics to the video just to cover up the naughty bits. Everyone in music is getting naked, lest we forget Janet’s big bad boob “wardrobe malfunction” my ass. Britney has a bit in “Toxic” where she’s wearing nothing but tiny jewels glued to a transparent catsuit. Beyonce
\nbares all in her “Naughty Girl” video where she goes behind a screen and you can see her naked silhouette. What’s next, Girls Gone Wild on the local 5 o’clock news? And speaking of crappy videos, it seems to me the worse off you are in terms of speaking English correctly, the better chance your video has of being on the air. Has everyone forgotten how to talk?
\nThere’s this one song (I think it’s by Blink 182) where they sing “something something something inside my head”, only it sounds like “inside my-yyed” and it is SOOO fucking annoying! Another annoying one is this rap video for a song called “Tipsy” and the guy is from St. Louis but he can’t speak worth a damn so he says “airreybuddy in the club gittin’ tipsy”. It wouldn’t be so bad if the stupid band would get the video right and film it in a club like the song says, not a house. Idiots. I also hate that R. Kelly and that other dude’s song where they sing about going to “my hotel”. Dude if the hotel is not owned<\/i> by you, you are going to your hotel ROOM…it’s not not your hotel. Get this shit off the air already.<\/p>\nOi vey.<\/p>\n
I gotta get to bed…lots to do tomorrow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Something I made for those of you looking for an alternative ad site loserlife. Enjoy Okay. Just so you know, me and James are soooo over. He’s a fucknut I kicked him out 3 weeks ago because for a long time he was only home when it was time for him to sleep and then … <\/p>\n