On my 21st birthday, two of my friends took me out to what was then called “Glam Slam”. This was back in the mid 90’s. Since about 2000 or so, it’s been called the Quest nightclub (OK I think I just dated myself there).
I was told when I got there, that I would be getting a free drink. A few minutes into our visit, I had already drunk a couple of shots, given to me by my friends. I think at least two of them were administered TO me rather than me drinking them myself. Sometimes friends can be so mean! So I decided to leave them and start next mission: to get my free drink.
I went up to the coat check lady who was the nearest “official”-looking person nearest me, and asked her about how to get my special free drink because it is my birthday. I think I even asked her the question exactly that way (keep in mind my friends already tossed a few shots down my throat).
So she says to me, “Look for a man in a brown suit, he has brown wavy hair and a mustache. His name is Peter and he is the manager. He can tell you how to get your free drink.”
So I wandered around the joint for what seemed like hours, going up to every man sporting a mustache and wearing what I guessed was a brown suit but in many cases I wasn’t sure (it was dark and smoky in that place!) and asking, “Are you Peter?”
After meeting many men not named Peter, (some very nice and some not very nice at all), I decided to go look around and see what I could see. I was very merry, what with my 3 or so shots making me buzzy, and having a good time, all by my little self.
I strolled casually around and saw this nook of the club, where the wall was hollowed out to allow for a sort of gift shop. There was a counter with glass display and a few other glass display type shelves with souveneir type stuff on them, mainly Prince (or actually the symbol representing at that time what he wanted to be called, “The Artist Formerly Known As Prince” Everyone knows we can all call him Prince again)
Anyway.
A few feet in front of this gift shop area, stood a couch with a canvas draped on it, covering the whole thing, and the canvas covering was very pretty, with patterns and abstract looking stuff all over it. In front of, and around the couch was a velvet rope, to cordon it off (I didnt’ know this at the time, and thought it just was for seperating the store from the nightclub). I proceeded to plop down onto the couch, crossed my legs, and make myself comfy. I was running my hand along the canvas, admiring it, when I saw a price tag hanging on the couch (I don’t remember the price but it was outlandish) and the tag also said “This is art for sale, Please do not sit on it”. I leaped up from the couch (and stumbled) and nearly yelled, “Whoops!”. I don’t know if anyone saw me.
So then I meander over to the counter where there was lots of stuff to buy and this man was talking very intimately it seemed, to the woman behind the counter. She was drumming the counter with her very long red fingernails and I said to her, “Those aren’t real are they?” and she just smiled and went back to talking with the dude.
Now. Before I continue and say what happened next, I must state the following. Some of you may nod your head in agreement when I say this, and some might not. So I’ll explain as clearly as I can. When one is drunk and/or buzzed that there can be a few minutes of sheer clear-headedness, where you know EXACTLY WHAT’S UP in a situation. This weird sense of what’s true and what’s bullshit, sort of clairvoyance.
Anyway.
I don’t know why, but something told me to to turn to the man talking to Miss Red Dragon Lady Nails and while wagging my finger at the two of them, say, (okay, slur), “You. Two. Are fffffucking. Aren’tchya?”
He walked away.
I think he was snickering while he was walking away, but he had his head down so I couldn’t really tell. In either case I thought I just successfully cock-blocked him from having a date with her at any rate. I pointed at an item under the glass and told the lady behind the counter that I wanted to buy it. She sneered and glared at me the entire time but did her job and I paid for it and started walking away.
When I did, I ran into my friends, who told me they had been frantic looking for me (they were much older than me by a few years each and this was my first time in a nightclub in Mpls) and when I told them I was going around looking for my free drink they both near fell to the floor laughing hysterically and I didn’t get the joke. When they recovered from their laughter, one of them told me that the 2nd shot I drank when we first got to the club, was my free birthday drink!
When it was time to leave, we were walking down the street in downtown Minneapolis and I was going up to people asking for birthday spankings, birthday kisses, etc., from even the most unsavory looking characters. Apparently I was very loud and embarrassing the crap out of my friends. They were so ashamed and shocked at me, because even though they knew I was a fun person they had no idea I would act so strangely and obnoxiously!
By the time we got to the parked car, they about put me in the trunk, they were so annoyed with me. (One of them didn’t have more than 2 drinks in the span of quite a few hours so yes, we were safe to drive) but the next day they were still my friends.
I can only say the reason I’m able to remember much of this story is thanks in large part to them retelling it to me for years. I seemed never to have lived it down yet!
Thankfully it’s still my only most weird/embarrassing/wild thing in public story so far.
PS – the thing I bought was a pack of orange Tic-Tacs in the clear plastic container, but the Tic-Tac label was covered entirely by a gold seal with Glam Slam and the Artist Formerly Known as Prince symbol on it. I never opened it, and I still have it to this day, somewhere in the depths of one of my closets. The last time I ran into it looking for something else, the Tic-Tacs were gray in color and all stuck to each other inside the plastic container.
Same day, different year..
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