Author: BJW Woods

Fox TV Cancels ‘Ally McBeal’
I don’t know where I was when this hit the news, ’cause I missed it. Had I known, I’d have baked a cake and threw a party. You all know how much I loathe this show, this waste of an hour of someone’s precious time, so you know of course how elated I am to hear this. I was gravely saddened however, upon learning that this absurdity of a TV show had insidiously reached 100 episodes earlier this winter. This is horrific to me because everyone knows once a show has reached the 100 mark, it’s going to be syndicated. Thrown back at us over and over and over again like some sort of nasty broken record. So for me the news is bittersweet. Oh well. I suppose I could try and get over it.

Same day, different year..

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New Audio CD’s on the Market Will Not Play on CD-ROM Devices
In the near future, a large amount of new audio CD’s released by recording artists will not play properly in your computer’s CD-ROM player. Why? Because, a-la Napster, once again, it’s a battle of copyrights. Sony figures that people who will play a band’s audio CD in a CD-ROM player, are most likely to also be the ones ripping and trading the songs for free to others, and thus encouraging pirating the music without paying for it. With that in mind, they’ve gone and encoded the redbook audio to play well only in traditional home and car CD audio components, but terribly in computer CD and CD-ROM devices. I know because I saw this on the news. They took Celine Dion’s new CD (Couldn’t they have picked ANYONE ELSE?!), which was known to have used this new technology, and put it into a CD-ROM device to play. The resulting sounds were very skippy, and staticy at best, otherwise it sounded as though you had taken 2 hits of LSD, and were listening to whales singing in a bad gospel church choir.

Same day, different year..

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Napping. It’s not just for kids and lazy people anymore.
The tradition of napping in other countries is supposedly dying out. It’s been proven be a healthful and refreshing and even life-extending benefit to notable folks like Winston Churchill, Thomas Edison, Napolean Bonaparte, Johannes Brahms, and Ronald Reagan, so why didn’t Americans ever emphasize the need for one? Is our society afraid of being called lazy? Just because we need a little break? You decide.

Same day, different year..

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Powell’s Israel Visit Brings About…Nothing, Dampening ExpectationsAs the Israeli military continued its offensive, Israel was on high alert for suicide bombers and the secretary of

state said a formal truce was unlikely before he left.

Same day, different year..

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UGh. It took me over twenty minutes to post this day’s entries. Blogger publishing seems to be slow, or down. I checked status.blogger.com and there’s nothing there to tell me any different, and also status.blogspot.com, and no news there, which leaves me to use the Adminimizer toolbar from ASP Modules. If you don’t have it yet, GET IT. It’s easy to install, and although mine leaves my date header looking kinda funny (it lines up weirdly), I do find it comes in handy when you really need to post something and Blogger is for shit. Oh well, on with already:

‘Virtual’ Child Pornography Ban Overturned
The Supreme Court struck down provisions of a federal law that made it a crime to create, distribute or possess “virtual” child pornography. Apparently there are some real losers out there who do computer-generated lifelike fake kiddie porn and it’s considered NOT to be porn by the Supreme Court because it’s ‘virtual’. I’m sorry, but real or pretend, you’re ALL SICK! What do you think? Everyone knows that child pornography communities thrive and hideout in online places, like MSN communities, but I think there should be stiffer regulations on how communities are built, and those who monitor them should be more on the lookout for this kind of behavior.

Same day, different year..

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Friends, I’ve long wanted to be able to provide useful advice to the young people today, with regards to their ever-fruitful social lives, to help guide them along whatever paths in life they choose. I’ve got some solutions for most red-blooded men and women. If you posess at least half a brain, you qualify as needing this pertinent information.

Do not hesitate to start with our guides on: ‘Dating In the New Millenium’ (for both genders), and for the ladies, ‘A Good Old Fashioned Fuck’.

Please stay tuned to this station for updates and valuable tools to help you. Whether it’s love, dating, or friendship issues you’ve got, I’d like to be your solution.

Same day, different year..

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Why Do Porn Actors Have To Use Such Foul Language?

Maggie Lehman, a fine source of editorial commentary over at The Onion, once again proves herself correct. She points out “Like many people, I enjoy pornographic movies.” but she’s got an issue with bad language. “Thankfully, my husband Marv fast-forwards through the plot so we don’t have to hear any more vulgarity than is absolutely necessary.” Good for you Maggie, good for you.

Same day, different year..

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Ooh, ooh! I also forgot to tell you–Uffish Thoughts is where I found a link to Mr. T doing his neato butter booby trick. Yay! What a treasure…and I thought I’d seen every bit of his work!

If you idolize Mr. T like I do, then you ought to get yourself acquainted with all his ultra-super celebrity appearances articles on the web. I’m sure you can find some of them to be of utmost importance, if not pretty valuable:

The Mr. T. Name Generator – Don’t like your name, fool? Get a betta one!

The T’inator – Turn any web page into a helluva fine site that Mr. T published it (those who don’t approve of Mr. T’s genuine, loveable charm would use the word ‘invaded’ instead of published)

How To Hide The Fact That You’re Mr. T. From Your Co-Workers – Who’d want to hide that jibba jabba?

Same day, different year..

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Gosh, I guess I’m a little bit more chipper tonight than I was earlier.

I’m sure it took a couple hours for me to thaw out. You didn’t wanna mess with me earlier. I did skip out on the PT temp job today…but even though I took the day off I found it was very hard to relax. After I went back out this morning around 11:30 I got very wet and cold and couldn’t get it out of my system until after dinner tonite. I went out to another temp agency (I should be the temp agency poster child, for chrissakes) and did all their friggin’ paper work, testing and whatnot and then missed my bus.

So all day, I was nasty to anyone who got in my way. It’s kinda weird how little things can change your mood for the rest of the day. Good thing I’m feeling better now. Anyway, this possible FT position I’m checking into at the agency I went to today, is for some admin assistant work, at a college near downtown Minneapolis and I’m far too excited. I know I need to squelch that because I’ve been there and done that before, only to be let down. Shit hurts I guess. Gotta pick my ass up, brush it off and start anew. Whatever.

Even though it’s late, I am nowhere near tired and would like to skip out on job du jour tomorrow but that ain’t happenin’ (I hate temping!), so I’m gonna hafta get myself ready for bed and face the music.

I just have a lot of crap on my plate right now. Yummy.

I can’t wait for dessert, dammit.

Same day, different year..

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• Weird Searches of the Week – 2005

You make EVERrrr-thaang

grooooovvvvy

Where did that come from?

*looks around the room*

My life sucks. I need a new one.

Maybe these guys will buy it for me.

Anybody got any offers?
I’ve already checked the junk mail and the classifieds.

I think I just need somebody to love.

*gasp*
Oh NO. did I say that? wtf is wrong with me?

Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting episode, my heart will be guest-starring.

PS: this is utterly, repugnantly, repulsive

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