Category: Uncategorized

Now I’ve seen everything.
I thought foot fetishes were a strange thing. There are actually people who fantasize about being crushed, eaten alive, and being at the mercy of a giant person. Let’s not forget about those who are into balloons and having food thrown or spilled on them. Very strange. I could go on all day. But I’ve got better things to do.

UGLY ass home decorating tips from 1975
These are my favorite parts, and then I like This one. It reminds me of the oversized spoons/utensils my mother had on her kitchen wall. There were four pieces I think, and I’m sure I had every one of them broken on my backside (I was a bad child). I especially liked the one about looking through the window. It said: hanging beaded curtains in front of an window with an unattractive view is much like looking at a rainbow through raindrops. No. It’s more like looking at Newark through dog turds beaded onto string.

Weird Searches

Clone human ireland
I hope I haven’t let the searcher down when he got my page as a result, but this does not lead to an actual serious article about cloning humans. It was A JOKE, people!

Guess my site is the fuck of the day. Oddly enough, I’m flattered. At least it’s considered the ‘anything of the day’! No one reads me, dammit. I guess it’s long overdue, but I have now decided to settle for being a search result for porn seeking perverts. Unhappily so. But there it is.
cumshots powerpoint
Has the Microsoft Office line come out with a new product? Hmmm…well I know for sure I have bitched about Powerpoint in the past but don’t recall ever combining it with sexy camera poses. It’s that old dirty ‘C’ word, back to haunt my referer logs once again.

+learn +”good lover” +pics
More sex. Sex, sex, sex. Ack. Is that all America is searching for? Google seems to have my number there. This particular entry had me posting a couple of funny pics submitted to me by a friend and also further down the entry, I spotlighted a list of cute things kids say about love, one of which where the kids commented on ‘How to be a A Good Lover’.

the gerbilI don’t own any pets. Nor have I posted anything about gerbils—er, THE GERBIL. Apparently someone is in search of the infamous ONE GERBIL and wants to learn more about it. THE gerbil, eh? Does that mean he has to do the gerbil pride parade ALL BY HIMSELF?!*Ahem*Thank you, Margaret Cho.

MSN’s Guide to the Academy Awards Does anybody REALLY even care this year? I don’t.

OMIGOD, I don’t know, like, what to say!
I am so blonde and silly and 19 and gosh, when I get on the phone with my boyfriend (he’s ever so dreamyyy) I just want him to talk about how cute I am all night and never know what else to say! Heaven forbid I should actually do some brain work, and stimulate some stuff upstairs! Lord knows I don’t know how to be passionate about something ’cause there’s nothing that I care about THAT much. And I haven’t had many experiences ’cause I’m on a short leash, what with living with mom and dad, and my 11-hour-a-week job at the mall. Oh hey! A site where people can post their dating dilemmas!

Celebrities cutting back!
Thank you Dave Letterman! In efforts to help ease things in light of the recent stock market crash, which caused alot of layoffs in dot com companies, the following is a list of how celebrities are cutting back:

Chuck Knoblauch – Going to ask crowds at games to return all wild balls

Oprah Winfrey – Ordering cuts in pay for everyone not named Oprah

Darva Conger – Oops, no longer a celebrity, why’s she on this list anyway?…omit her!

Regis Philbin – Who wants to be comfortable?

Robert Downey Jr. – Buying GENERIC illegal drugs

Hugh Rodham (Sen. Hilary’s brother) – Now slicing prices on presidential pardons. $200k for a presidential pardon? That is quite a cut. Have you seen this guy? I’d pardon him if he could do a situp!

Martha Stewart – switching from Heinekken to Old Milwaukee’s Best

Jerry Seinfeld – Appearing on lame late nite talkshow in NY instead of appearing on lame late nite talkshow in LA

Puff Daddy – Now only shooting up clubs w/no cover charge

Bill Clinton – strippers at dance clubs now getting IOU’s in their garter belts from him instead

Same day, different year..

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This term for one who is punished for the misdeeds of others is the result of a mistranslation. The term was coined in 1530 by William Tyndale, who misread the Hebrew word azazel, a wild demon from the desert in the Old Testament to whom the scapegoat was driven forth. It is also mentioned as the place to which the scapegoat was sent on the Day of Atonement. Two goats were chosen and after one was sacrificed, the other was let loose in the wilderness, symbolically carrying away the nation’s sins. This ritual is described in the Avodah. Aaron, as atonement, ’shall cast lots’ on two goats ‘one for the Lord, and the other for the scapegoat’.

Tyndale was not the only one to make this error, a Greek translation of the Old Testament, uses tragos apopompaios, or the goat that is sent out. The Vulgate Bible refers to the second goat as a caper emissarius, or the emissary goat. Coverdale’s 1535 Bible refers to it as a free goat. But it was Tyndale who coined the term scapegoat, or scapegoote as he spelled it.It was not until 1824 that the word acquired its current, wider sense. All prior usages have been in terms of the Leviticus passage. The verb form appeared in 1943.

Same day, different year..

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This is the dawning of the age of the “Am I [insert anything here] or not?” web site

And I’ll be damned if I am going to let it pass us all by, without commenting on it. I think it’s a crying shame that some of the sites below (the ones that are LAME) went out of their way to capitalize on the growing (and hopefully soon slowing) trend that these guys started. However, some of the examples below are extremely funny and somewhat original. I am too tired to tell you which ones I think are shameful and which ones I think are neat. Also, if you can’t tell the difference, then for pete’s sake, go back from whence you came.

Screwed…and didn’t even get a kiss!
amifuckedornot.com brought to us by fucked company. For those of you trying to predict the success and/or failure of such important matters as the dot com industry, and certain other things.

SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB
Do all your base are belong to us or not?. You have no chance to survive make your time.

God, please no!
amigothornot? Does the so-called ‘goth’ community and their wannabes need a site like this to assure themselves of such? Apparently so. The criteria for submitting your photo to be judged disqualifies the pic if it is “broken, copyrighted, or un-Goth (BMW’s, tanned skin, Britney Spears, etc.)”. Um, guys…you’d better double check this submission, I think the count has got that purple tan cookin’. Jesus.

Rule #1: If images are a big part of your site, make sure they are linked correctly! Am I a geek or not? Um…the webmaster of this site definitely is. ALL the damned graphics are broken. Oh and then they have the nerve to even have an honorable mention page, in case you might not fit into the category. Those are broken too. Go figure.

Am I president or not?
The Brunching Shuttlecocks–innovators of amusing technology, once again amaze us by asking “How presidential are you?” Raise several million dollars and find out! Does not accept submissions that are “broken, unviewable, baffling, or inappropriate (ads, porn, ads for porn, pets, ads for pets, ads for porn for your pets, Walter Mondale, etc)”. Pat Buchanan, however, made it through somehow. To those of you with questions or suggestions, all they have to say is “huh.”.

Am I Kottke or not?
Jason’s fans and foes alike should enjoy this one.

http://www.amimulletornot.com/ – scratch that…don’t bother. They’re down.

Holier than thou
Am I God or not begs the question. Don’t expect to see your rating, because according to the webmaster: “Unfortunately, results cannot be shown to non-divine beings like you (and besides, you’re just going to sit there and click “1″ anyway)” M-kaaay. Below the rating, they also note: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wagn’nagl fhtagn. Which means what? Nevermind. I guess my deity is not Godly enough to know that.

Primates: Rate your mates
monkey hot or not? How monkey hot are you?

http://www.amiannoyingornot.com/ – This one already graced one of my earlier entries, but here it is again.

Are those Doritos or not?
am I stoned or not? – I highly (pun intended) doubt that I’ll need to submit a photo to be judged, in order to find that out.

I’m cooler than you
Am I cool or not? thinks that by looking at a person’s photo, you should be able to judge what music you think that person likes. They post your suggestions and at the end of the week make their verdict: COOL or FOOL. If submitting my answer would make me cool and not doing so would make me a fool then I guess I’ll take the latter by skipping the whole elementary school game altogether.

Same day, different year..

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• Haven’t been by in awhile – 2002

Now I look back and I see that it’s been two years and too long. I’ve been saying these things to myself for awhile now but last Thursday I had resolved that no matter what (well, almost) I would get a different job. I’ve had only two interviews and have been to three temporary work agencies. Until I find something suitable, I’ll do some temping in the meantime and see what else breaks through.

On a lighter, furrier note…

Tonight I had a mouse in the house! Just what I need…even spiders give me the willies, so you can imagine I was a bit stirred up, to say the very least.

My sister and I were sitting and chatting at my desk, she was in the middle of typing out an email to a friend an that’s when she flinched. I saw her look to her left very quickly and then she turned her head back forward and made a quick little facial expression like she saw a ghost. I grabbed her arm and demanded to know if she had seen something (because I thought the worst thing would be a bug that she saw….and I HATE bugs) and she casually denied it (afterward, she admits she only said so because she didn’t want me to think she was flippin’ out) and then I said “Is it a mouse?” to which she said “No, it’s nothing”.  She changed her mind not two seconds later because there he was, just a baby, no bigger than by big toe.  He looked up at us and chewing on something.

I let out a couple of ‘eek’ sounds and we left pretty quickly in search of her hubby (their house is just down the street). We thought for sure HE’D get it for us!  Little did we expect him to be sitting on the couch in his skivees, watching a tape of Thursday’s WWF show, practically comatose when we asked him. 

Reluctant and with the willies, I managed to crawl back home and call the caretaker, who was over a few minutes later and was plenty eager to catch the dirty varmit. And so he did. Now I can rest.

Same day, different year..

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• blogrolling roll is back – 2005

They can see me from their perch and follow me with their heads as I move from one room to another in my apartment…it is so endearing. They’re windowsill hunters, too. They sit and watch all the birds and squirrels and bugs with such a fierce interest that they almost seem like they’re gonna go after one.

On Wednesday night I went with a friend to dinner at the Chart House restaurant in Lakeville. Very good chicken. Pretty good salad. Unfortunately, it meant I didn’t get home until late because we had to stop at her parents’ house (way out in Apple Valley) for something.

Man, I haven’t been HOME enough ALL WEEK and it’s only gonna be worse ’cause I am going out of town all this weekend and won’t be home ’til Sunday. To top that off, I had my alarm clock set incorrectly and kept waking up later than usual and had no time for a shower two days in a row. Gross, I know, but whaddya gonna do? (I’m making a mental note right now to pack a bar of soap, some shampoo and a towel to leave in my desk at work, since there’s showers in the basement at the office building for people who jog or bike to work).

This week, Monday night I had to go run errands and didn’t get home until late and then Tuesday night I went to Shan’s house. Turns out that she had to go into the hospital for back pains. After her car accident this winter, the doc had to runs some tests and that included a CAT scan and a spinal tap, one side effect being terrible back pain afterward. Let me tell you that you NEVER want to have one of those done. When I was nine, I was in the hospital for a week with a bout of near meningitis and I had to endure one of those and had pain for days afterward. The kind of pain you don’t forget.

Anyway I like to AT LEAST get online long enough to update my journal and read my email, so you can imagine how geeked I was tonite to finally sit down and surf for an hour or so.

Well it’s getting late so I’ll git goin and see if I can manage one more day this week. I’ll be back next week with more…

Same day, different year..

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• Real classic movie line, or just a funny edit? – 2006

Tonight after some dinner and an episode of “Providence” (*don’t ask my why I watched it…I don’t even like it that much), I move with my book to the frontmost part of the livingroom, (which I call the ‘front porch’, probably because it used to be one) and read for what seems to be a long time.

It is an unusually humid and warm night for this time of year which makes me only wonder with dread, what July will bring. I  detest hot, sticky weather and am determined that when I can afford to, I will eventually live someplace where it never gets warmer than 70. So far I like the idea of cool, grey London, rainy Seattle and San Francisco, with it’s cool bay winds, although I know San Fran can get warm too. I have been to the latter (it was in May about ten years ago) but have never visited the other two.

Anyway, the whole rest of the house is very warm and still and so there I sit, gradually becoming aware of feeling a little sweaty, and of how dark it is getting, since I keep tilting my book more toward the light, which is fading fast. 

Later tonite I’m supposedly going to meet up with Cheryl, and her friend Tiesha and we don’t exactly have any plans, or money, for that matter, and it’s not really for sure whether we’re getting together but she said she’d call around 7-ish. Well it’s way past ish now and I got up from my book perch to step outside where I hope to cool off a bit.

I saunter out onto the atrium, barefoot, armed with my cordless phone and I fight with a light wind out of nowhere, to light a cigarette. I smoke for a few minutes but I don’t stay for long because soon I am afraid someone will lock the front door on me before I can come back in.

I go back in and read some more of my Laurie Fox novel, of which I can’t seem to get enough. I am now hell-bound to get my hands on and read everything of hers if it kills me. I am inspired by her characters, although they are based people from her real life, I am in love with them and their plights. Is plights a word? I don’t know.

My God, I just now notice all the traffic and wonder where the hell it is coming from but then I realize that I am very near the ‘West Suh-IIDE’, where, as you may or may not know, many of St. Paul’s Mexican-Americans reside, who, I’m sure are all out galavanting and whoo hoo-ing, full of cerveza and bad intentions. Perhaps if my plans fall through, I will ride the bus down there and see what kind of trouble I can get into. Haha…I kill me. As IF. Like I’m some kind of puta on a mission. Damn.

I don’t have much else to share tonite but perhaps I will, manana.

I suppose I’d better get offline now, before Cheryl pulls up (I hope) and tosses a brick into my window w/a note attached that says ‘get OFFLINE!’ Stranger things have happened.

“..and it’s too late baby, now its too late/though we really did try to make it/something inside has died/and I can’t hide and I can’t fake it” -Carole King

Same day, different year..

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The Y2K scare is only a distant memory now. The future never looked brighter. But wait… If you have not yet taken the proper precautions you may still find yourself waking up one morning to a computer disaster of apocalyptic proportions. 

Evil Conspiracy Theory

Did you ever consider that the same people who made all that money fixing the Y2K glitch (i.e. the programmers) were the same people who caused the problem in the first place? Coincidence? We don’t think so!

And how did they solve the problem? They increased the year field from a two to a four-digit number. But is this really a “fix” or have they simply positioned themselves to “rescue” us one more time?

So you may ask, “What are we getting at?”

Five Words: Year Ninety-nine Ninety-nine.

While the rest of the world settled for the 4-digit fix we instructed our consultants to build a 5-digit field that will take us into the next Zillennium. Hope you’ll still be visiting us in the year 10000.

Same day, different year..

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I got home early enough for dinner, for once. It was 8:30 and I decided to make spaghetti.

I put on a pot of water to boil and figured it had been awhile since I changed the bulb in the range hood above the stove, so the minute I flicked on the switch, the bulb went out.  Well, you know how there is a white plastic guard over the light bulb there on most of those?  I knew it was there but I could always reach the bulb underneath.  All the other times, I never moved the guard and just changed the bulb that way.

Well, tonight I saw that there was a small place where the guard could be disconnected and hang from a little hinge, while you change a bulb.  I grabbed the guard and pulled it from the slot and let the guard drop so that I could change the bulb. It was cool, ’cause I always thought that the way I always used to do it was kinda hard.

When I was done, I snapped the guard back into place and went about my business. 

It wasn’t long before I saw them.  I thought the stuff floating on the top of the water in the pot was just because perhaps I hadn’t washed it out thoroughly.  Nope.  What I was looking at was the tiny old, dried up carcasses of a few small dead flies and gnats floating at the top of my almost-boiling water in my beloved clean pot!  I guess they had been lying in that damned lightbulb guard which I had never flipped back before,

ISH!

Ohmygosh, I never scrubbed a pot as hard or for as long!

Although there is so much bad stuff going on with people in my life I do feel a bit guilty about coming home and just chillin’.

I’m gonna unload Thursday night on ya ’cause after my update I went and watched ER, even though I hardly ever watch that show, I just did. It had me bawling when the little girls’ mother died. Big deal. People die on that show every week, don’t they?

Then I called Shan’s house to find out how her hospital visit the other night went. She wasn’t home. Her brother’s fiancee answered the phone and told me that she was in the hospital again and wasn’t going to tell me why.  When I told her that my sister and I were the ones who brought her in on Wednesday night for the back pains, she paused for a second, and then said that Shan was in the hospital for something else. She had a nervous breakdown and was going to be there for awhile. I told her thank you and hung up. A breakdown? Surprised? You bet. But she had good reason, I’m sure! This girl has been dealt a shitty hand, let me tell you. I can’t even go into details right now about her if you don’t already know. I was very upset at learning this. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I think now that mostly I was sad and confused, to say the least.

Then after that, I talked to my mom. She said she had to go to a funeral for a man who was kind of young to have died of lung cancer, which is what my grandmother is dying of. She’s got maybe until July, so the doctors say, which brings me to recap the weekend.

On Friday I went down to Waterville, Minn., to my parent’s travel trailer they’ve got set up at a summer resort . Stayed there Friday and Saturday all day and it was a bit chillier than normal. I did get to visit alot with my folks and their friends that were there for the weekend.

Then on Sunday morning, we went up to drop in on Grandma and my aunt and uncle, who planned for our surprise visit and lunch for Mother’s Day.  From the last few times I visited Grandma, I have to say that she looks fabulous and I don’t believe it when they tell me she’s not going to be around much longer. All this talk about death and cancer and whatnot has got me sad lately and I don’t know what to think.

On a different subject, I know that I’m staying at my current job for now, but I’m keeping my options open.  There is a position available at a bank downtown and I’ve got an interview on Friday with the VP.  She seems nice and I’ve been told by an insider (who is also a friend) that it is a pleasant place to work and I know there will be more money (what could that hurt?) so I am hoping to get it, just for a change of scenery. I’ll let you know more later.

Tomorrow I’m having friends over for a birthday dinner and then Thursday I need to go shopping and visit with my sis, it’s been awhile.

Well it’s getting late once again and I’ve got to get to bed but I’ll be back later.

Same day, different year..

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