A lesson on the baggage of neuroticism
While reading about neuroticism recently, I went back to recall the basic tenets of stoicism (https://goo.gl/3n8uPz), because I strongly believe—even if we are born into a lineage which is known for high neuroticism—we can still help ourselves learn ways to react to things and handle our emotions. So I came up with an idea on how to try to practice controlling neuroses.
Imagine the following: your stress, your anxiety, bad feelings about things—each as contained in suitcases. Each case’s weight is heavier or lighter, depending on the size of the burden/importance in your mind. Now, imagine that every day, before you begin school, work, being a housewife, etc., you have to strap in and carry them all together with you throughout the entire day. Without even trying this out as a real experiment, you can clearly visualize that hefting this personal baggage with you all through life (let alone, just for one day) would amount to a lot of hard work and pretty much bullshit, since you have enough to do as it is, in the present moment – the present task/day.
We all know life’s no soft affair. In the path of life, we face all sorts of falls, troubles, hardships. Even day-to-day normal stressors can trigger emotions we’d rather not have rise to the surface in order to be content/productive in our endeavors. While we don’t control guilt, jealousy, anxiety/worry, frustration, and fear, we are however given the strength to not allow them to affect our decision-making. Being in the moment and dealing calmly with whatever life has to throw at us is hard to learn. We are human beings after all, and allowed to have emotions. But continuing to let them prevail over us and cloud our judgment is not doing us any favors when it keeps us stuck in the past (guilt) or worrying too much about the future (anxiety).
Wouldn’t we rather see each day through without all this extra weight, figuring out that which we KNOW we can fix, control, and which we cannot, to ease the burden and move forward? Of course we would.
Now, imagine each of those suitcases again, and the feeling or emotion each one carries. Visualize the contents in each, one at a time. Say there’s anxiety in one, and guilt in another. Recall the aforementioned idea, that guilt and anxiety result from living in the past or future. What we want is to live in the NOW. What problem in the anxiety suitcase you had issue with? Was it something you can do anything about now? If you can’t, you must let it go (if you can, make notes/actions to resolve it). It the cause of you feeling anxious is something you’re not responsible for/have no control over (or realize you can, and make arrangements to fix) you can then mentally remove the contents of the case and put it away. It’s no longer part of you.
Now repeat this with the other imaginary suitcases. Let’s say the next one is full of guilt. What is the guilt related to? We have all probably made one mistake we have dwelled upon for longer than necessary. Guilt is a way of our emotions teaching us a lesson of wrongdoing. If we have admitted and learned our mistake, served our punishment, and been absolved of our wrongdoing, it’s all in the past and time to let guilty feelings go, too. If you haven’t yet, you must—if your guilt is from something you did not very recently…say, as a child, or many years ago, then there’s probably no one left to face but yourself for it. Forgive yourself, and move on. The hard part isn’t to do with facing up to your penance and seeking forgiveness, but living with the baggage of guilt forever (and its best friend, shame, which will eventually come along for the ride). Letting guilt take up space in your brain means you haven’t learned your lesson. Learn the lesson/take your punishment, and seek forgiveness, so you can put this case away, too.
Stoicism is a tool not to control your emotions, but to understand them, and determine if they truly have the power to harm you. How much longer do you want to carry the the negative ones around? Suffering is your decision, and no one else’s.
But removing negative feelings from your personal baggage helps us to realize they were never invited to go with us on the trip of life in the first place.