Author: BJW Woods

Yes.

I had the hots for Mallory Keaton’s little, freckle-faced kid brother ever since he was in Silver Spoons.

Gawd, I used to adore him!

Unlike most chicks I went to school with, I was never one of those girls in the class who really got all ‘groupied-out’ and fell head over heels for everyone. You know…David AND Sean Cassidy AND Donnie Osmond AND John Travolta, and a bunch of other famous guys. I was like, “You guys! You can’t say they’re all your favorite!”

Nope. Jason was my only guilty little fantasy. Lots of girls I knew had life-sized posters of The Bee Gees, and Bo and Luke Duke on the backs of their bedroom doors, and *gasp* even up on their bedroom ceilings! Those were really annoying, at least to me. And quite risque, as I recall, at least it was back in those days. Especially the ones from the Dukes of Hazzard, with John Schneider and Tom Wopat leaning against the General Lee, the sun beating down on them, belt buckles and Hollywood teethy smiles a-gleaming! Then there was the Gibb brothers, all sparkly in their bejeweled white satin disco duds, shirts opened down to practically the navel to show off hairy chests (eww I could never understand the hairy chest fetish of girls my age back then).

OK, OK, OK, OK, I’ll admit I was a teeny-weeny bit jealous, but for two very good reasons…

1) I didn’t feel, nor could I quite understand the attraction to men much more mature, that my friends all insisted on,

and

2) My mother would have fainted dead away if she ever found such a huge representation of glossy mascuiline sex, slapped to the back of the door to my bedroom. So I had to settle for crap like getting a subscription to Highlights magazine but while sneaking peeks at Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, and Teen Beat while at the library or the bookstore, to get secret looks at all the famous boys, who I never liked as much as Jason any damn way.

I recall fondly now, how I would race downstairs to the family room (where the bigger color TV was) and watch Valerie (later named Hogan Family after Valerie Harper quit the series and they killed off her character) and Growing Pains would come on, after (Kirk Cameron could have been a contender crush, but his character Mike Seaver, was dumb and goofy whereas Jason’s David Hogan was smart, witty and could charm the pants off ya) .

Then he went and got married.

Now that he’s finally getting the stardom he deserved for so long (only recently thanks to the Fox hit Arrested Development), he’s all over the place, and tons of other girls love him too.

So much for any chance of me having’ him all to myself! Makes me want to cry. Sort of.

I just thought that it was sort of bizarre that I managed to have a crush on a tv star (now movie star too) for so long. You know what I mean? Like…I once heard a friend say they loved Greg Brady until he hit puberty or something like that, but Jason…well he was always hot in my book.

Yeah, so he ain’t ALL THAT, in the looks department, but he was definitely a cutie (holla!*) and still is cute, in that clean-cut, all-American, boyish way. And his personality and sense of humor made him HOT, just the fact that his characters were always smart asses (smart guys are WHITE HOT in my book) and well, Jason just being on TV doing these types of characters made me stark raving mad.

The only other person I think I had been as obsessed with for almost as long, was Kristy McNichol, until she faded out after a couple movies once her career on Family was over. I just thought she was so much cuter than I was and she was oh so clever and inquisitive as Buddy, making her so precocious.

So…now that damned Jesse Metcalfe with his hot ass (humina hummmmina) had to just come onto the toob and have sex with Eva Longoria’s character on Desperate Housewives. Now that boy just makes my butta melt, I tell ya.

OK I really need to get a life now.

See ya later

* ok sorry I kinda went all Ghetto Oprah back there. ‘Scuse me. *ahem*

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Political Pundits and/or Shameless Celebrity Gossip Hounds Wanted! – 2005

OK my most annoying blogs list has entertained & delighted many and seemingly pinched the nerves of a few. However I shall press on happily, blogging about freely as though nothing ever happened…

Screw that. I’m going to say a few things…

While I never intended to go and find one of the items on my list to identify with (I suppose I coulda…) lots of others did (cool) but some that did, I wasn’t saying something was wrong with them if they identified with any of the types of blogs that are annoying, I don’t want to be a Bad Guy. But if you did…Hey! You DIDN’T HAVE to be so honest and self-depricating… you could have played it off by stuffing any telltale entries under the rug, thereby fooling many web surfers since lots of them don’t read more than a few posts at a time (many handfuls of blog readers have admitted this to me). Heck. That’s what I would’ve done.

While I see many of the comments as most likely gentle, subtle taunts, to see which Annoying Blog/Blogger I shall identify most with, maybe I didn’t wanna!

What if I told you I felt like my blog was a little bit of each of those types? What would you say? Would you call me a hypocrite?

Would you call me and say, “Hello pot, this is the kettle. You’re black!!”?

Well, okay. But that was not the idea behind the post. It was just well, cathartic, fun and meant to be lighthearted. But, if you insist…

I can be a Stalker-type Blogger
Holly says she’s ashamed to admit she is from Minnesota like I am! Is it embarassing? Dat’s okay. Yah. Shoor. You betch-yah. Haay, howssyer cussin Olie? Didyah ketch enny fish in dat derr lake? Yah. Gimmee-yah Pabst Blue Ribbon derr, wooj yah?. Yahhh. I’m goooin to da Vellss Farko ta see abote a boaat lone. Yah. Am I EMBARASSING YOU YET? Huh Holly?

Or I could be a bit of The Gossip Hound
Holly said she wonders why Basil and Harvey even noticed my blog post. I dunno! You tell me.

Others follow suit saying things like “Who does this blogger think she is?”

Uhm. I’m me. Nice ta meetcha! Howdydo?

Then she posts her own list. That’s cool, glad I could inspire you. I can accept that, but don’t go calling me a loser. That’s just playin’ dirty. Only my momma can do that.

And I could play the Friday Night Fights Blogger
Where is the reasoning behind saying “# 3 – Blogs written by bloggers who believe 1000 links is a necessary ingredient to a good blog”. Actually I don’t ever recall stating that, nor do I believe it. So if you’ve gleaned that on your own, oh well. Welcome to Super Happy Imagination Land Playing, to you! OK that sounded like a Japanese cartoon. Did I already mention I was a link whore?

In all the years I’ve been blogging (6, if you want to know), I NEVER ever told anyone that my blog was good.

Shit.

This is my tiny, insignificant, pile of shit, little crappy corner of the web, full of words and nonsense and BS and wonderment and dreams and rants and whatnot. It’s my most prized utter waste of lots of time, but happens to be tons of fun and therapy for ME.

If no one reads it then fine.

It’s mine. Not yours.

If you like it, cool beans.

If you don’t, awesome. If it seems to be too much torture to read a few entries, go click on one of my “1000 links”.

I half expected some to get sensitive about it but this Holly person has some kind of personal vendeta against me, and yet I don’t know her from Adam. Oh well.

Although my blog is fairly old, I‘ve only recently been trying to sort of revive it, though I do have a life (hence the off, then on, then off, then on-again entries Holly was so quick to point out). I discovered it was easier to just STEAL TRAFFIC instead of trying to wedge myself into the blogging community by being nice and sitting back after posting entries, I decided that if I really wanted to gain more attention and groupie and whatnot, I really had to live up to that big ol’ skanky link ho status of mine (I always have been one, this was just a renewed effort) and lately the Alliance has been my pimp.

PS – Hey Holly….your blog’s sidebar falls down to the bottom on my screen (a 15″ which is still the majority size of computer screens of consumers) so that means a majority of people see that and probably think, “Gee, that blog jess don’t look right.”

And while I don’t claim to be perfect, I do do my homework …don’t that count fer somethin’?

Heh, heh.

She said “do do”!

Now, let’s see….what other kind of Annoying Blogger should I be….

OH! How about I try on some of that Goth “Woe is Me” Crap?

I just want to BELONG…

LIKE ME.

ACCEPT ME!

WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh.

*sniff*

OK I feel better now.

Kin we all jess git along?

PS – it was meant to be mostly a joke, people. Look it up.

Other posts on this day:

• True, Funny 911 & Police Phone Call Stories – 2005

from the Saturday Silly Schtuff Dept.

Madfish Willie’s posted a new episode guide, Television Specials for 00’s. Notice the titles with a bit more of a ‘gangsta’ twist, now that Generation Z (or is it Y?) has become so coarsened and rooted in a new and strange urbanized hip hop culture. Thanks a lot, Eminem!

I myself would love to see “Imo Busta Cap Inyo Ass, Charlie Brown”.

Enjoy!

Islam Superstar!

Do you think it’s possible that, with all of the heightened awareness of Islamic religion and whatnot in our country, that something really big is going to happen, good or bad?

I do. But I think it should be good. Like, I what if the Quran’s story played out a la Broadway style or even in the cinemas….what will they call it? The Passion of The Prophet? Allah Spell?

Anyway…in my email’s inbox this morning, was this:

Click here for a Free Qur’an! Oh yippee. Sign me up right away please! Not. This promo to increase awareness of the Quran was sponsored by The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR). Don’t get me started on these bozos, who front themselves as doing more good than harm…trust me…it’s the other way around. They allot many more civil rights to those who come to this country than those who were born here (and want all our states to, as well).

Some quick examples: Did you know that in many cases an American person of Islamic faith can do any of the following in the office, at school, etc.:? Pray duing the day as much as they want during work (we all know that this means usng a mat, leaving the desk/chair and either closing a door or turning off the phone, etc…basically taking time out from the workday), wear attire that represents their religious beliefs, even the kind that hides their faces, especially in cases of driver’s license photos, pass out relgious literature/materials, organize prayer groups, the list goes on.

Not that there is much wrong with that…I guess. I mean it’s great and all, for American Muslims, but…I have a hard time swallowing the principle of it all, and here’s why: It’s a rare occurence nowadays, for any of this type of stuff to be allowed if the person above was a Mormon, a Born-Again Christian, a Southern Baptist, a Lutheran, a Jehovah’s Witness or even a Charlie Manson Worshipper, for that matter! Not in our secular society! No way, José!

I also have a good hunch that this type of information is passed freely on, to those who are not Americans (some of whom will never want to be), by social do-gooders. Those are the hands that these rights should not fall in. If you do not legally belong here, thanks for visiting! Hope you have a great time. Otherwise, naturalize yourself and then you can share civil rights with the rest of us. I’m very sure that a foreigner could never enjoy such an extended and welcoming visit in many of your native countries!

That’s just my $.02.

Sorry my Saturday silliness got so serious.

On a lighter, jollier note… I’ve noticed lately that weekends for alliance members tend to mean blog carnival roundups start popping up everywhere. Soooo….seeing as I’m the kind of person who either throws parties or crashes ‘em, I’m gonna have to read up on that, give a look see and find out what I can do to help (or harm). Heh.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• True, Funny 911 & Police Phone Call Stories – 2005

I totally stole this from Grouchy Old Cripple this afternoon. Some test to see how observant the average person is…
========================================================

Don’t look at mine if you are going to take it, because I included my answers below. Take it at GOC’s.

NO LOOKING AROUND ON YOUR DESK…

Average person only gets 7 right.

This is based on U. S. & CDN info, so use all lobes of your brain.

There are 27 questions about things we see every day or have known about all our lives. How many can you get right? These little simple questions are harder than you think– it just shows you how little we pay attention to the commonplace things of life. Put your thinking caps on.

No cheating! No looking around! No getting out of your chair! No using anything on or in your desk or computer! Can you beat 20??

(The average is 7) ****************

Write down your answers and then check your answers (on the bottom) only AFTER completing all the questions. REMEMBER – NO CHEATING!!! — BE HONEST!!!

That means no looking at your phone or anything on your desk.

LET’S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE (and HONEST)

Here we go!

1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom? Bottom – I’m a pedestrian–no car–I walk or take the bus. So I know this one is right. Hard to get it wrong when you stand right underneath traffic lights at crosswalks all the time.

2. How many states are there in the USA?
Um…53? I’m counting Puerto Rico, Guam, and the US Virgin Island Territories (bah hell if I got that one right).

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty’s torch?
Right.

4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell’s soup label?
Ahh…gold, red, black, white, blue, and silver.

5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don’t have letters by them?
0…and I can’t remember the other one.

6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
Right leg.

7. How many matches are in a standard pack?
uhhhhh. 20?

8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?
White.

9. What is the lowest number on the FM radio dial?
88.

10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise? (In
North America)
Clockwise.

11. Which way does a “no smoking” sign’s slash run?
Right.

12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
Um. Let’s see…10?

13. On which side of a women’s blouse are the buttons?
Left.

14. Which way do fans rotate?
Clockwise.

15. What is on the back of a Canadian dime?
The number 10.

16. How many sides does a stop sign have?
It’s an octagon. So, 8.

17. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?
Left hand side.

18. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
Six.

19. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
Six.

20. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who’s missing?
Shit. I dunno.

21. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
Ten.

22. On which playing card is the card maker’s trademark?
The joker.

23. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?
Right. Though when ordering blinds, you can specify the side for the cord and the wand so this is sort of a bad question.

24. On the back of a Canadian $1 coin, what is in the centre?
Again with the Candadian coin? Look they spelled center wrong, too. Some Limey make up this test or what? Or a Cannuck? What a hoser, eh.

25. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
Easy – The asterisk *, and the pound symbol #.

26. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?
Four.

27. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise (as a rule)?
Counter.

OK the answers are here…let’s see how well (or not) I did.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• True, Funny 911 & Police Phone Call Stories – 2005

Okay, so some of these a bit old (but I never read about some of the older ones until today) and some are more recent. But they’re all true funny stories about people calling the police/911 for stupid reasons.

Woman jailed after calling 911 about pizza man

A ‘Fowl’ case?

You only cut the one you love…

Leave a trail and they will beat a path to your door….Crook Calls 911 on Self

Tourist needs a ticket to ride…

Pet Bird Calls 911

Lady called cops on Burger King ’cause they gave her the wrong food!

Cops: Alleged Robber Calls Victim for Date

Wife Win’t Cook Dinner, Hubby Calls Cops

Inept burglar calls 911 for help

Stoned Teenagers Call Cops by Mistake

Other posts on this day:

Over at What Would Hollywood Do? beej is sponsering an “Open mic” as it were. Every Thursday, one lucky person will be able to post a blog entry at this blog, and be given access to do so.

If you don’t already know, WWHD is a blog that takes much issue with famous people who have decided to take on public matters and political issues bearing no relation to their industry. Most of the time that famous persons do this, it highly acceptable to bring an issue to the public attention especially when it is a notable cause that needs such attention. However there are some cases when this is seen as an abuse of their celebrity. It is widely known that many Hollywood actors and famous people of all sorts have much disregard–and even sometimes deep hatred–for and of America. These people, for reasons unknown to many, have decided they have a huge need to become pseudo-lobbyists, taking stances on issues–mostly socio-political–and spewing forth their rhetoric to the masses in the hopes they’d buy it, much to the dismay (and usually amusement) of the editor of What Would Hollywood Do.

Maybe you have a gift for gossip-rag style writing flair or maybe you just have some great commentary on recent related news that you want to get off your chest. Please express your interest in this by sending an email to bbojojo At Yahoo! Dot com with the subject line of “WWHD Open Mic”, along with a short description of what you might post about.

The topic at hand does not matter, so long as it is a story involving any famous person ‘going political’ or the famous person’s involvement in some sort of issue whether it be a social one or a political one.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Best of Me Symphony #83 – 2005

Is up, over at The Owner’s Manual. Below are the contributors this time around:

Conservative Cat: Confused Americans for Truth – Pie a la Liberal

Watcher of Weasels looks at The Undiscovered Country.

Multiple Mentality reflects on just how expensive Girl Scout Cookies have become

ROFASix: Afraid of “more” Democracy in America.

The Owner’s Manual presents: Homeopathetic

Pratie Place: People having no fun at Disneyworld

Give Me Liberty, from Big Picture, Small Office.

TFS Magnum: Police confiscating legally owned firearms.

Why is Tony Blair so coy about Iraq – of his government’s decision to kick Saddam
Hussein out of power? – The Liberty Cadre

It’s Not A Joke -Shiloh Musings.

The Smallest Minority: Kelo v. New London in Slouching Towards Despotism.

Mean Ol’ Meany: Free Money at the Two Dogs Cash Bar!

Chainik Hocker: Dem Bums

Right Wing Nuthouse: History vs Heritage.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• “Open mic” blog announcement – 2005

Number of blogs referencing this twit, even though her 15 minutes are up (OK day lee is guilty as sin on this one too).

I know, I already commented on this over at the GOC, but it bears repeating. Only because tonight as I’m flipping through the news stories on TV her bug-eyes come on the screen, big as life as she tells Katie Couric,

“I had a bottle of pills or I had the bus ticket,”

I wish I was there that day, amongst a crowd of people, so we could all stand behind her and chant, “Bottle of pills! Bottle of Pills!” like when the crowd shouts to contestants on The Price Is Right.

I know. I’m so mean. Stupid bitch!

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Oprah plays race card, Tom Cruise plays Jeopardy! – 2005

Oprah Winfrey denied at Hermes, all you can eat buffets

Come see Tom play J-E-O-P-A-R-D=Y!

Tom Cruise is foaming at the mouth…someone shoot him, quick!

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Wilbanks – WOE IS ME – 2005

This entry was posted on Monday, June 27th, 2005 at 10:20 pm and is filed under xX-Everything Else-Xx. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your site.

…and call it the Puppy Blender. Serve up some Dalmation Daquris, have a nice ‘lil happy hour, maybe some bar food like Jalepeno Puppers, make all the waitstaff wear many dogtags as ‘flair’, you get the idea.

This is how many times the name is brought up, just in a given day.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day: