Another night with the Idiot Box…
Tonight after a while I got up from doing some work and decided to take a break and put in some couch/boob toob time. I totally had the munchies, so I went looking for the potato chips I bought the other day. Imagine my dismay to find a rolled up bag containing a few partial chips but mostly little bits. Which really frosted my hide because I had this great dip leftover in the fridge. I started to try and dip these measly little chips for a minute but it was really silly looking, so I shrugged my shoulders, poured the chip-bits into the dip and ate it with a spoon. I’m such a classy chick 
Then I put on The Real World and watched that, then I watched in horror when The Ugly Rich Girls came on. Trust me, those air-brushed, Photoshop-ped pics on the web site totally misrepresent how they REALLY look on camera. One of them (Ally) looks like what you might get if you bred “Chip” from ‘My Three Sons’ with a horse that sports a John Travolta chin. Her mouth as a can opener could give Black & Decker a run for their money. The other (Jaime) looks like a skinnier but much uglier Kathy Najimi (I actually like her). Her head is twice as big as a normal human’s and she’s always acting like she’s PMS-ing and someone took away her Midol, her diet Coke, and her twice monthly manicure. She dresses horribly, resembling a water buffalo who raided the costume racks from Martin & Lewis’s “Laugh-In” set. Add to that a whiny, Fran Drescher-ish ‘Oh my Gawwwd” at 10 minute intervals.
They say “We may be rich but we’re normal!”, but I don’t know any normal people who can just drop 3 grand at Saks & Company’s shoe department like it was a trip to Walgreens for some gum and Kodak film. They think they’re so knowledgeable about the 60’s, meaning they know what Pucci is but not Jane Fonda. Also I don’t know normal people who take a trip to Mystique Greek islands on a cruise aboard the Christina O. Yacht, but don’t know what the ‘O’ stands for. Onasis, you stupid whores.
Oh and get this: “My dad invented cargo pants and everyone stole that”, says the evil Hilfiger spawn, the smaller, horse-toothed one of the two.
Their “Pearls of wisdom”?
Try: “Clothing is like my drug” “I’m sorry, I can’t have conversations with people I don’t know”
“[Take the] subway? No fuckin’ way!”
Then there’s the commercials. FUCK! I try not to watch commercials, but it’s hard when your life sucks so bad that you are bored out of your mind–so all you can do is watch TV. I am so sick of these cellular/mobile device commercials where the selling point is that you can burp and fart back and forth with your stupid buddies. I have to change the channel.
And why does every movie that comes out now have to have a Michelle Branch or Evanesence song playing during the trailers? Do you know the words? Yes, they’re “Ahhh noyyy iinng”. And why GOD WHY did Limp Bizkit have to fuck around and mess up “Behind Blue Eyes” by The Who? UGH. It’s bad enough that nothing seems sacred nowadays, what with every modern rock band re-making shit and not having an original thought, but what’s worse is that kids who are huge fans of these idiots will think Fred Durst is brilliant enough to have come up with it himself. Don’t get me started on the Foo Fighters lame cover of Gerry Rafferty’s “Baker Street” and Kid Rock’s sorry attempt to do Bad Company’s “Feel Like Makin’ Love”
FUUUUUUCK! That is just killing me.
Then there’s the potholder–gawd–I mean oven mitt. That fucking thing has annoyed me to the end of my rope. I’m hunting down the guy who pitched that idea to Arby’s and then shooting him with a rifle.
Same day, different year..
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