Kiss My Sass » Blog Archive » scenes from a mall

Wednesday night, my sister called bawling. She and her husband got themselves kicked out of where they were living. Again. They moved in with his mom because they got kicked out of a previous arrangement for non-payment of rent. They can’t keep jobs and are generally irresponsible and lost. Anyway, as far as the latest arrangement failing, seems she and the mother in law came to bitter verbal blows concerning just how much time the two of them had been putting in (to look for work and housing, etc.) and I’m sure I don’t know the whole story but I caved and told them they could stay but for a couple nights. They brought their own food, blankets, clothes, and toiletries and slept in the living room. I had to work the next day so I went to bed early and for some reason, I felt compelled to stay home because I didn’t trust them to be there without me. Maybe it’s because I’m recalling my mom telling me so many times that when they were living with her she had stuff come up missing all the time. Who knows? Anyway, I called in to work and told them a huge lie about my mom being in the hospital and that I would be gone all day with her. What a big fat lie! I hate lying but I hate my job so much to the point that I can’t simply wait it out. It’s like torture trying to grasp and enjoy what I’m doing. I’m a control freak and if I don’t immediately understand what I’m working on I get mad. Not that I’m unwilling to learn! It’s just that this is one of those things that, while you TRY hard to get it, you are not interested in the least bit. Like science and math, for example. You could say that I’m a literary/creative/artsy type, but that I get excited at the notion of computers doing things for us, enhancing our lives, our business, etc.

Anyway. So I get through half the miserable weekend and my computer’s broke, so I wound up spending Sunday trying to fix it. Uff da. I woke up Monday morning and got ready for work and went outside to find out the bus already came. So I go upstairs and call work to let them know I’d be late. I go out again when it’s time and I get to my layover stop to find my transferring bus left already! So it’s another HOUR til I can catch another and I have no change to call work to let them know I’ve missed yet another bus. Embarassed and frustrated, I went into the mall next to the bus stop because I was not going to hang out in –12 degree weather for an hour. Something about malls really puts me off. I dunno what it is. I just avoid them like the plague, only going to them if I really HAVE to. So I go in and find the restroom and then go find a place to sit down and wait. I am sitting there on a bench outside of Romano’s Macaroni Grill and listening to the sounds of the mall as it comes to life and I start to cry to myself. I dunno why. I guess it was the sadness of voice of the man bellowing an aria from the loudspeakers outside of Romano’s combined with the fact that I lied to my job about my mom being in the hospital! If that was not enough to bring me down to the depths of misery, then I should have feared not! For the mall walkers had come, and that made me the saddest of all. For those of you not lucky enough to know, mall walkers are this sad breed of humans that drive to the fucking mall in the dead of winter, where they park their cars and then drag their sad suburban asses around the mall during non-business hours. What kind of person is so sad that their only good source of exercise is to go to the MALL?! I have to be TRICKED into going to the fucking mall. These retards go round and round and round until they tire of looking at closed gates over the fronts of lousy stores like Things Remembered, Candle Barn, and 6 different kinds of Foot Locker.

Funny quote for today: “Ted Kennedy: Now there’s a schnoz! You don’t get that from casual drinking. You gotta be havin’ a fifth of Cutty Sark on your Froot Loops every morning for that to happen.” – Richard Jeni, Comedian

Kiss My Sass » Blog Archive » Must-y TV

Ah. Nothing spices up the Midwest winter doldrums like season premieres of celebrity reality TV shows. I do not watch that much TV to begin with but I program my VCR every year at this time because I absolutely have to watch Newlyweds, The Osbournes, and The Surreal Life. Watching famous people’s bizarre behavior and seeing their stupid adventures really warms the cockles of my heart!

Hell, yeah.

But don’t get me started on Desperate Housewives. More on that tomorrow.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

Kiss My Sass » Blog Archive » My Weekend as a Domestic Goddess

I’m your typical lazy, single apartment-dweller who runs her own business and works on average 14-18 hour days, and has no life because of it, and certainly the last soul on earth planning to be caught dead with a rag and bottle of cleaning solution in her hands, let alone a frying pan.

Anyway, eating healthy has been an issue for me lately.  It can be tough to do when everyone I have meetings with, orders pizza, wine and beer and then we go out for cheesecake afterward.  Add to that, the fact that it’s so easy to just eat fast food because of my job keeping me far away from the kitchen.

Excuses, excuses.

I recently found if I just eat more lean meats and vegetables and stay away from too much bread, alcohol and pizza, it’s been a bit easier to keep my weight down, plus I feel healthier.  I’ve been following this way of life for some time now (not including what horrors I indulged in over the holidays, of course).

Anyway, I digress.  The other day, a friend of mine told me she gets really good deals on groceries and said she had lots of meat she could do without.  Being she is a single mom of a 7 month old, she can’t really eat all of it by herself.

So she sent me a delightful care package with 4 pounds of ground pork, 2 pounds of salmon, 6 pounds of ground beef, 7 pounds of ribeye steak, 6 pounds of chuck roast, 4 pounds of snow crabs and 2 pounds of butter.  I also received a huge bag containing what I assumed to be a large meat item of some kind, on which the label said ‘boneless whole beef knuckle’ weighing in at 11.24 lbs, and wrapped in very heavy vacumn sealed plastic.

What the devil can one do with a nearly 12-pound mammoth mound of beef that seems to have conflicting origin? Was it really a knuckle?  Or is it really something else but no one wanted to claim it?  Sort of like an orphan?

I called the friend who gave it to me, and asked her. She told me she wasn’t sure…she guessed it was stew meat.

I put it al lin the freezer and decided I’d figure it out later.

Friday night I steeled my nerves and got down to the business of seperating all the meat.  I calmly fashioned 2 large meat loaves out of some ground beef and pork, and some other tasty ingredients.  There was something about the  squishing of raw meat one’s hands that makes you feel sort of, I don’t know–-homey.  Then I rolled out a bunch of breakfast sausage links and patties, following a recipe I found online.Saturday morning, there was an omni-present urge for me to shine my kitchen sink.
So I did.

And the countertops. And the backsplashes. And all the corners, removing the coffeepot, microwave, soap container, spice rack, etc. And the top of the fridge And the windowsills.

And let’s not forget to mention the oven’s range hood.

There I was, scrubbing like a banshee, can of Comet cleanser in hand. Suddenly, my brain went into commercial mode and I was doing testimonials for Comet in my head.

“Wow,” I thought, “Why did I buy that $3-a-bottle brand of cleaner that didn’t do the job last time, when CLEARLY, this 85-cent can of Comet does the job? Why would ANYONE continue to buy those $3 bottles of cleaner when none of them comes close to harnessing the CLEANING POWER THAT COMET DOES?”.

Then I started to feel sort of like I wanted to do them for someone, as in, besides myself, like probably a man and some children.  It made me beam with some sort of motherly anticipation.

That’s when I dropped the sponge on the floor and quickly came to my senses.

I nearly panicked, “GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME???!!”  It became apparent that I had spent a good part of my weekend doing all these house-wifey things!

Then I smelled something weird.  After about a half day of thawing, the mammoth orphaned beef ‘knuckle’ was still sitting in my kitchen sink.  It was well on its way to totally thawed and there was a meaty bloody smell emanating from the sink.  I knew I had to do something with it, and fast.

I decided to call my neighbor friend, who I knew was a self-proclaimed meat connessieur of sorts. He said that it was likely just a big ol’ boneless hunk of steak.  He came over, we unwrapped the gigantimoungus thing, and as we did, it unfurled onto the counter with a juicy, heavy, thud.

It was indeed, a large strip of boneless meat.  It was actually very fresh and had no bad odor, just that bloody smell, which my neighbor slash friend said was “completely normal”.  To my delight, Mr. Neighbor Meat Connessieur offered to help me slice and wrap it to store in the freezer.  I got out some wax paper, zip bags and a knife and began sharpening it.  Between him slicing and me packing,  we had that sucker sliced, wrapped and sacked and put away, all inside of 15 minutes.  I gave him a few pounds of the meat to take home, to thank him for his help.

After that, I decided to call it quits on the domestic front.  Things were getting way too scary!

On Sunday, I slept in till nearly noon, wore the same tee shirt that I had on the day before, and didn’t make any plans to do anything except feed myself and maybe do the dishes after meals.  I had aa n of phone-calling and chatting, internet surfing, TV watching, and general slackdom to catch up on.  Now as I’m posting this, there is a wet towel on the floor in the bathroom, so things seem to have gotten back to normal.

Whew! That was close.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

Kiss My Sass » Another Saturday Night and I Aint Got Nobody

Sunday, August 20th, 2006

These last couple of months have been so crazy. I’ve been working like a dog. Then there was a whole bunch of Jaycees stuff I’ve been doing. Like reworking the website. Then meetings. More meetings. and on top of that, still more meetings. I think my next week is also full of meetings.

Family reunion. […]

Saturday, June 10th, 2006

Being that I work from home running my own business, of course I rarely have time for myself because I spend on average 12-16 hours a day working.
But tonight that is all coming to a halt. I’m turning off the computer (as soon as I wrap up the Post-Carnival documentation) and then I’m […]

Thursday, April 6th, 2006

Current mood: horny
Now you can all discover why I *heart* Hal Sparks so much…

He’s probably a flaming liberal…oh well that CANNOT stop a girl from having fantasies.
 

Tuesday, April 4th, 2006

Today (which is April Fool’s day in case you live under a rock), and it was my birthday.  Gawd am I old.  Yup.  Turned the big 3-3 this year. I would have preferred to stay in bed all day but dear ol’ mom sprung for lunch and a visit.  C’mon… who can turn down a free lunch?

So we […]

Saturday, January 1st, 2005

At least I *think* it was her.
Oh. I don’t think you know who that is, seeing as I didn’t tell you about her yet. The apartment building caretaker’s unit is right next to mine and well, he’s a short, kinda smallish black fellow who seems nice and all but nearly every night I have to […]

Monday, September 20th, 2004

Okay. Here’s the dealie-o. You may already know by now that my REAL domain www.dayleeblog.com is down. That is because my domain expired and my life caved in and the ball and chain that is Twin City Federal has stripped me of my bankcard privileges just because of one silly overdraft so very long ago.
What’s […]

Sunday, October 26th, 2003

That’s helpful in the money department. For anyone who’s wondering if I’ve dumped James and run off to live elsewhere, well I thought about if for a few days, talked to friends about it and honestly here is the situation:

I have no money to be able to just up and leave, I can’t afford to make […]

Friday, May 25th, 2001

A friend from work had invited me over to hang out with her tonight and see what we could do for fun. On the drive over to her place, we bitched about work (yay…someone to bitch about work with!)

When I got there I spied a bookshelf holding a collection of all the great teen-angst movies from the […]

Saturday, May 12th, 2001

Busted ass all day at office, DWD (dealing with doofuses). Thankfully was able to leave at normal time of 5:30. Got off bus to walk home and felt strangely beautiful. Don’t know if it was because

handsome young man downtown eyed me curiously, or because was dressed nicely today, or if because it was absolutely gorgeous out […]

Saturday, December 9th, 2000

Where does the weekend go?

10:54pm Worked four hours. Froze nearly to death on commute. got home. Had big plans to haul out the fake tree and light it up, do Christmas cards. Instead I surfed and gafawwed at stupid websites. Read the news, read some email.

Now I’m cold and hungry and lonesome, so I’m gonna go curl […]

Saturday, December 2nd, 2000

7:44pmSuch pain. I am bleeding to death. I enjoy being a girl. All. Month. Long.

It’s early to bed for me, tonight…I need to rest up a bit since I have to work tomorrow. my nephew is over here, I’m babysitting him for the night. right now we’re coloring with markers then we’re going to watch some Disney […]

Thursday, November 16th, 2000

My mood earlier this evening allowed me to be uninhibited enough to post this. I took the pics a couple nights ago, to test the lighting in my office since I got a different lamp in here.

Pouty much?
Hey! Chapstick weather is just around the corner. These will be reminders of how nice my lips CAN […]

Monday, November 13th, 2000

You make EVERrrr-thaang grooooovvvvy Where did that come from? *looks around the room* My life sucks. I need a new one. Maybe these guys will buy it for me. Anybody got any offers? I’ve already checked the junk mail and the classifieds. I think I just need somebody to love. *gasp* Oh NO. did I say that? wtf is wrong with me?

Tune in tomorrow for […]

Sunday, October 29th, 2000

Have dinner, I suppose!
Boy, being on The Food Shelf Diet is Mmm-mmm good! Mushy mac & cheese. Tonight I learned you should never overcook macaroni noodles. What a way to top off a non-eventful, ho-hum weekend. I’m sitting here searching the web for PT work for the millionth time. I need to make more money […]

Saturday, July 22nd, 2000

The weather’s even been pleasant, what with the high temps only in the 70’s everyday. Haven’t been up to anything exciting, of course *gasp* are you shocked?
Last night I babysat for my darling nephew, who still kicks my ass at video games and is increasing his word power every day. I’m impressed, it’s as if […]

Kiss My Sass

July 15th, 2007

I’m not a conservative, more of libertarian, who happens to have a few conservative viewpoints.  And get this.  I used to be much further to the left than most liberals!  In recent years I began to see things differently and realize that having more liberal/democrat ideals, wasn’t for me.

Anyway, here is my whole take on the Rosie O’Donnell Vs. Elizabeth Hasselbeck deal…

Someone recently told me that they tought Elizabeth was a horse’s ass for trying to twist around something Rosie allegedly said about U.S. soldiers being terrorists, back in May, on ABC’s The View.  See video below for a more detailed look at what happened back then.

Rosie vs. Elizabeth on The View
 « Click to view video 

I don’t think Elizabeth is a horse’s ass for saying what she believes, Rosie, after all got to do that much more than Elizabeth ever does… and in fact I applaud Elizabeth for finally standing up to that clod, Rosie.  Unfortunately, Elizabeth stands alone in her viewpoints on The View’s panel, which is bad because the rest of the women seem to have usually sided with RO.  Is that fair and balanced?  Hell, no. 

And it’s not over yet…

Now, just this week, reports say that while Rosie goes on her gay cruise she apparently hasn’t lived this all down yet, and has even resorted to stooping to her lowest by bashing Elizabeth when she isn’t around to defend herself.  Rosie is reported to have trotted out a large poster of Elizabeth, defaced with childish devil horns, goatee and tail, done in a very childish manner with a black marker, and says to the crowd of people, “Her only effing credit was Survivor! Come on!” 

The Defamer has the scoop on just who has been doing the photo defacing… turns out it was one of Rosie’s writers!  According to Page Six of the NY Times…

“Yesterday, Rose’s chief writer, Janette Barber, was allegedly escorted from the [ABC studios] building after she was caught drawing moustaches on photographs of Hasselbeck that hang in the “View” studios.”

But I digress…

Rosie was on her way out, anyway.  More than a significant portion of America does not like her and had shut off The View as soon as she came on to it.  Now, I agree that while Star Jones was quite the bitch, she did behave herself (IMHO) much better than Rosie ever could, and her background in law provided a very interesting viewpoint along with the others. I don’t miss Star Jones.  She was starting to get on my nerves.  But the show was on a slippery slope anyway, once Merideth Viera left. Now there’s a woman with class, and a sense of respect and manners!  I really enjoyed the show when it was Lisa Ling, Star Jones, Meredith Viera, Joy Behar and Barbara Walters.  To me THAT was a more diverse panel. 

I don’t disageree that Rosie ought to be able to have a viewpoint, and kudos to her for having the cajones to stand up for what she believes, but the way she does it is impolite and rude, her approach is often, “This is what everyone should think” and rarely, “This is just what I think, my opinion”. 

Honey goes a much longer way than vinegar ever will.  Lack of respect is what I sum up when I think of Rosie O’Donnell, as she is today.  Don’t forget I did used to be a fan of hers back in her early stand up days and film career.  Now just because I prefer a female role model who embodies class, ettiquette and respect does not mean I think women ought to stay at home and knit and bake all day and keep their mouths shut, and I don’t agree that Rosie isn’t a smart woman who has spent a lot of time speaking for women.  But because of her swaggering, overbearing, very disrespectful and abrasive manner, combined with her lack of tact, she does give many women including me, a bad taste in our mouths and I personally don’t want her speaking for the female race if she must do it in such a way that turns people off.  I’m positive many women agree.

She has failed miserably on many, many attempts to have a career in the media.  Her talk show bombed, her magazine went tits up not long after it was started, and her career on The View only lasted 9 months.  Not even a year!  To me, all these things combined means that America does not like you, so STFD and STFU.  I think she ought to stay home raising her children and being with Kelli.  Or try another venue for her nonsense, such as the GLBT cable channel where she actually has an audience that would appreciate her.

May 1st, 2007

I live in a tiny, cramped 2nd floor apartment on Rice street above some offices. I have all my 9 windows on one side and guess what, it’s the West side! So in the summer it’s scorching and in the winter it’s scorching. I almost never have to turn the radiators on in the winter during the day, at least not if it’s sunny. If it’s cloudy, then maybe. Once the sun goes down, between October and March, it’s #*$)(@# frreeeezing in here. Thank God I have a decent digital a/c for summer. Else I’d go berzerk.

My neighborhood is scary. The SuperAmerica has been closed since December. Everyone I’ve talked to (business owners and residents) all say it is because of too much theft. When it was open, they had permanent red plates screwed to all the gas pumps that it was pre-pay for gas purchase. The store had 2 cm-thick, clear plexiglass guard all around the counter between you and the cashier. You had to talk through a little hole in the clear window, and hold up your bread or whatever you were buying to the glass so they could scan it. There was a cop in the store after 6 at night. When there wasn’t one (which was often), the plexi-guard would go down around the counter.

I once got my purse and notebook ripped off of me while walking down the street just after it got dark out, last October.

The building I live in is for sh**.

Until the owners of the building put a lock on the outside door leading to the lobby where the mailboxes and door buzzers were, there was constantly graffiti and trash (we’re not talking the occasional paper or candy wrapper here–try chicken bones, marijuana refuse, someone chucking their half empty can of Colt 45 on the floor) all over the common areas, and someone or something was always peeing in a corner of the elevator.

People would walk in off the street, and buzz all the apartments, feigning the ‘I left my keys upstairs’ excuse. When, for the most part, they turned out to be just coming upstairs to bother tenants and/or just get in from the cold so they could smoke weed or have sex in the laundry room and basically trash the building.

Some of the people in the building are loud and obnoxious. One of my neighbors used to have loud parties at all hours, even during the week, and she was 19 and had 40 and 50 year old men hanging around. It had to be drugs or booze. 50 and 19 year olds dont have that much in common! She had a 3 year old kid out of wedlock, the product of her being raped by a man who was then her mother’s boyfriend. In the summer she would hang out her window and yell at strange men outside to come see her. She finally got evicted but there are still some characters in the building.

Once there was no washers or dryers working for 2 weeks because some dolt decided to try to crowbar-open the money receptacles of the machines to get the quarters out, thus making the machines inoperable.

I don’t know if the neighborhood is getting better, but I will move soon in any case. I just hate moving. I don’t drive and that keeps me from being as flexible as I would like. I’m considering moving back to South St. Paul because it was quiet and about $100 cheaper rent. I have terrible credit after spending years trying to get my business off the ground, so my options are limited.

This is no home. I wouldn’t put my worst enemy up in this joint. But it’s where I hang my hat for now. Until things get better for me.

April 24th, 2007 February 28th, 2007

Seems that, for a long time, my life has been a cycle of being in and out, of a complete, chaotic, mess.  Money’s been too tight (and since November, practically non-existent), and I’m stressing out because I either have too much to do or not enough to do.

It’s my own damned fault, I suppose.  I could be getting more work.  Or more money, somehow.  A little back-story…for those who don’t already know… I run my own business from home, which can be scary sometimes if you don’t plan things well.

But it’s hard to be out and about trying to get contracts and meet people all day long and then go home and work for 12 hours more. 

I suppose I could get a part time job, but then when would I sleep?  I’m the only person working here, so it’s not like I could just delegate some tasks to a staff member!

If I continue this cycle of neglecting my own self-care, rest, and health, and spending 12-16 hours working every day, soon I will be dead.  When I’m working, I neglect myself.  My hair won’t get washed every day, I won’t take care to eat the right things, and I smoke too much.  I love my job…but it’s ruining my health. 

So I’m trying some new things…like not working one day a week and just spending that day doing meetings or marketing/making calls.  Then I will spend the rest of that day not doing a damned thing but having “me” time.

I will give it the ol’ college try and post how it goes.

~TTFN

February 19th, 2007

Today I think I’m at the bottom of the bottom.  There’s the earth’s surface, then 50 feet of crap, then there’s me. 

I got turned down again for yet another contract job, and then I got a knock on the door and was handed a notice of eviction action…a summons…not an official “eviction notice”. 

Roughly translated, if I don’t go to court next week and pay 2 months rent, I could be forced to move within 24 hours afterward.

Long story short, the last couple of months haven’t been very prosperous, as far as getting work goes.

I’m actually thinking back now…there were only really 2 paid projects I took on since just before Christmas…and they didn’t pay well.

So. 

It’s no wonder I’m flat broke.

Guess I’ll go sell fruit on the corner.

February 17th, 2007

I have been visiting www.youtube.com for some time now, and I know the original intent was to allow individuals to upload their own videos and allow “the people” to have freedom of expression in the form of online video.

However, as most of the people who visit this site are aware, YouTube has also been a way for visitors to view videos that are copyright protected, such as interviews from tv shows, commercials, music videos by popular artists, and clips from tv shows…even whole tv shows being broken into parts.

I’ll admit to having been addicted to YouTube for the latter reason. I find it very gratifying and fun to be able to go lookup a clip online to see something I may have missed on TV which has people buzzing, such as the recent ‘feud’ between Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump, or to view the commercials that aired during the Superbowl XLI.

The way YouTube works is this: You post a video that you recorded and people can rate your video, add it to their list of favorite videos, subscribe to your videos (meaning they can get alerted whenever you post new videos), and of course, reply to your video in one of two ways; by posting a text comment, or by uploading a video of your own, in response to the original video.

Then you have the people who respond to a video in the form of a video response, vs. simply replying in the text comment boxes. Some of these people, I find to be funny and/or entertaining, while others seem to me, to be using the platform as a means to trying to become famous. Good for them! Lots of these people who post videos and video responses and use YouTube for the main intent, seem to have the most subscribers to their profiles, if their videos are especially humorous, entertaining or original. These people tend to garner a ‘celebrity’ status at YouTube and are the most active participants, once they realize how powerful their contributions have become.

I found though, that the ‘celebrities’ of YouTube seem to be the people that use the site for its original intent, and although many of the videos they post are entertaining, some even informative, I have this theory…

I believe, that the most popular YouTube users are either a) trying to get jobs/be famous for video production and editing and/or acting/journalism/tv personality, or b) just really not talented in writing or typing anything with substance or intelligence.

So there you have it. I think YouTube for the most part, is a way for people to ‘blog’ by video because they are too daft to write and/or type.

Say what you like about me. That’s just my $.02.

February 9th, 2007

I was reading the entries for the Wife in The Fast Lane contest, which is being run by a woman who wrote (and is promoting) a book about busy career moms/superwomen/etc. and was laughing at some of them (they are funny) and happened to visit the blog of the author.  I was reading a post in January’s archives and saw a photo belonging to someone I thought was at least 18.  There was more cleavage than anything else.  The text below said the picture was of a 15 year old.  I can’t believe this woman lets her 15 year old daughter dress like that!  There was no way to comment on the site and EVEN if there were, I felt it would be rude to speak my mind there (not to mention none of my beeswax, I suppose–she’s not my kid after all), so I put it here. 

Since it’s my blog, I guess I can.

*sticks tongue out* 

And that’s all I have to say about that. 

February 3rd, 2007

OK.  I like to have the radio on during the day while I work.  It kinda makes my day go by a bit faster, and it’s nice to have it on in the background. 

When the radio’s on, I normally listen to the classic rock station here in Minneapolis.  And I luuurve classic rock.  In my book, there’s nothing better than hearing some old Rick Deringer, Steve Miller Band, Rolling Stones and Heart!  But for some reason, ever since winter came, my reception has been a bit wonky.  I think it has something to do with the position of the radio (on a windowsill in my kitchen) and the fact that the sun is in a different place?  Sounds weird, I know.

Anyway, the reception was really OFF one day, so I got up and started dialing around on the FM bar the other day and decided to tune into the local “lite rock” slash “easy listening” station.  Because sometimes I have a hankering for some Barbara Streisand Evergreen, or old Lionel Ritchie, Kenny Loggins, and Seals & Crofts.  Nice. 

But after awhile, the muzak started to grate on me.  Although there are moments to enjoy, when they throw on some old George Benson, 80’s Whitney Houston, and James Taylor, I have to leave the room when James Blunt comes over the airwaves with his squeaky voice. 

They play way too much contemporary ‘emo’ music for me, and too much of the crap boy band songs that try so hard to be r&b but really don’t satisfy (i.e. stuff by Back Street Boys, All4One).  Then they also throw in lots of generous splashes of whiny songs by Faith Hill, and I want to bring out the Tylenol, not to mention when they play cover songs by new country artists.

Then there’s Green Day’s Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) which  seems to be played a lot whenever I go to a wedding, a party, a reunion, etc., and seems to have taken over the as a Big Part of The Soundtrack of (most) of My Generation.  Since I cringe everytime I hear it in those situations, I get the urge to make a run for my bed and hide under the covers whenever it comes on over the friggin’ radio airwaves.

So I’ve decided that since the station has its moments (during the Flashback Lunch hour, that’s when they play the good ol’ Barry Manilow and Gladys Knight), I will continue to listen during those times. 

But I would be happier if LITE-102.9 FM would cease and desist with all the “You’re Beautiful / She WEEEEEL be loooved / Ya had a bad daaay / Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet”-laden crap their playlist seems chock full of.  Because if I have to hear Counting Crows cover of Big Yellow Taxi Train’s Drops of Jupiter, or anything by Uncle Cracker again, I will bang my head on the wall!

PS – yes I kinow, I have cheesy taste in music.  But that great elevator type stuff is the best to work to!

[/rant]

February 2nd, 2007

Editor’s note: Actually the ad might be for toothpaste, but we’ll never know, because they don’t say what it’s for!

Does anyone find this to be really awful, besides me?

Rembrandt recently launched a new ad campaign which I do not care for and find to be very distasteful.

The commercial I saw for this was disgusting to me, and quite sexual. The campaign is called “The Brilliant Mouth”, and features a man and woman, kissing each other in a way that made me hope that he at least bought her dinner first.

The campaign was launched recently and the first commercial aired during Sunday Night’s recent episode of Desperate Housewives according to AdRant.com

When I saw it, it was tonight (2/1/07) during the commercial break for The Office. It was practically softcore porn

Yeah, I know The Office isn’t exactly “ma, pa, sis and junior gathered ’round the television set after dinner”-style entertainment, either.

But still.

It was kinda racy.

Though I’m 33 DEFINITELY a member of their target audience, I felt as though I was peering in on someone’s bedroom activities, and kinda feel sick about it now. I am not one to pass judgement on anyone who wants to do the nasty, heck I even have those thoughts, feelings, etc. and DO things about them…*ahem*

But come ON. I have some dignity and a door I can close to the world, during such activities. I’m certain there were people out there who had the urge to light up a cig after seeing that ad.

Then I thought of the people who felt like me and just kinda got mad about it.

So I went to their website to air my thoughts about this (pretty much the same things you see written here) and they have MORE of TEH SEX all over the front page of their site. Very disappointing. I’m sure the company’s namesake is rolling in his almost 340-year old grave. On top of all this disgusting-ness, the company posts “12 Days ‘Til Valentine’s Day” on the home page…so? And your point is…?

News flash: You’re not Hallmark. Cut it out.

But I digress.

Perhaps their main target consumer is into that sort of thing but it wasn’t even 9 p.m. when I saw this! I realize also that Desperate Housewives is an entirely different audience than those watching NBC at 7 p.m., but I found the entire ad to be in poor taste. What happened to just a good clean ’smile’ shot between the two people and then a simple kiss without all of the implied foreplay?

I guess my main issue with it is this. I thought the whole ‘feel’ of the ad was unreasonably titilating. With a capital T.

Can’t they sell oral care products without being THAT overtly sexual? I realize smiles, lips, teeth, etc. can all be sexy and ’sexy’ does sell products, but how about a nice NON-PORN-ish kiss on your commercials?

I guess I am naive–and sort of hope–that perhaps American consumers and marketers might have a shred of modesty and decency in them.

Oh, wait…a few years go we just endured the fact that our Commander-in-Chief had some taxpayer-sponsored lip-service (pun intended) on his ‘lil Commander. And hey, how about trying to turn the TV on just about any ol’ time of day, and not see a Girls Gone Wild DVD for sale, or big jiggly boobies pimping GoDaddy services!

So I guess by many standards, America and its media, are pretty sexed-up. And have been, for some time now.

But has it gone too far? And do we have to sit here and take it?

I’m gonna have to say a big NO to that.

Eh. You can call me a prude if you want to. I don’t care. I’m sticking to my guns on this one.

January 15th, 2007

Was Paula Abdul under some sort of influence during a series of interviews broadcast last week?  Or not?  FoxLife says maybe…

But Ms. Abdul’s publicist, Jeff Ballard says otherwise, denying that she slurred her speech, and chalked it up to technical issues on the part of the TV network…saying that she was simply reacting to the interview room’s bad acoustics, voices being shouted to her microphone and other stuff.  Full article here   

Below are links to 3 different interviews showing a different story, in which Paula does slur her words during throughout almost the entire segments of the interview, and is spinning in her swivel chair so much that she almost is out of the camera’s view, and in some cases, out of her chair!

Decide for yourself… HEY KIDS, COLLECT ALL 3!!

Interview 1 – Video

Interview 2 – Video

Interview 3 – Video

(links open in new windows)
 

January 1st, 2007

Sorry I think this story is hilarious…

1. Man hears school board wants to consider renaming Winter and Spring holiday breaks for school to “Christmas” and “Easter”, and heartily opposes.

2. Man wants to make the ultimate sacrifice to stand up for his beliefs

3. Man prepares to die in a burst of flames

4. The long arm of the law come to save man with fire estinguisher

5. Man lives and now suffers from burns on his body

6. School board makes decision to use the words “Christmas” and “Easter” for holiday breaks anyway.

7. I read the story and laugh my ass off.

December 25th, 2006

Yep.

It’s been between 35-55 degrees this past week leading to Christmas and the ground has been dry and clear of any snow whatsoever.

On Thursday, we got snow.  It melted away by Saturday though.  That was it, since Winter started, Dec. 21st. 

I’m totally MIFFED that my Christmas was not white.

It felt weird to be sitting inside celebrating with my family, and looking outside to see a clear blue sky and sun everywhere on dry ground.

Eww!  Not right at all.

I do NOT understand people who are happy about this. They are not true Minnesotans. They are traitors.  Heathens!

December 18th, 2006

Yesterday I went to SuperTarget and they had Ben & Jerry’s pints for 2 for $4 (normally almost $4/each).  So I picked up a couple.  Or six.  Yeah, so I’m post-menstrual.  I need ice cream now and then.  Deal.

I was a bit upset that they didn’t have one of my faves–Chunky Monkey.  Something about banana ice cream is so fantasically refreshing to me!

So instead I got these…

Vermonty Python – Haven’t tried it yet, but the carton says “Chocolate-liqueor-flavored ice cream with cookie crumb swirl and milk chocolate cows.”  I guess the cows are to represent the flying cows on the Monty Python’s Flying Circus show. 

Mint Chocolate Cookie – This is mint chocolate ice cream with chunks of Oreo-style chocolate sandwich cookies (not Oreos but close).  Sounds delish.  I love mint ice cream, Oreo Cookie ice cream, and chocolate, so I hope it does not disappoint.

Black & Tan – this is meant to be similar to the drink by the same name–a tall frothy glass of Irish stout beer.  If you like a cool pint of Guinness now and then, you might like the half inch or so of creamy (albiet sweet) stout-flavored ice cream on the top of this concoction.  But if you are not a chocoholic, you might not like the rest.  It is dark (almost black) chocolate ice cream with hint of chocolate liqueor taste to it.  Even I didn’t care too much for this dark layer, and I love chocoloate.  This part of the ice cream was very chalky to me, and had a strange sort of choclate taste, but not chocolatey-ice cream taste.

American Pie – Apple pie-flavored ice cream with chunks of cinnamon-y apple and pie crust.  Very different.  Tasted exactly like apple pie ala mode!  Not a favorite though.  Ben & Jerry’s fares better with their chocolate ice creams, in my opinion.

Marsha, Marsha, Marshmallow! – This is my ALL TIME FAVE Ben & Jerry’s flavor!  It’s not marshmallow ice cream, so beware marshmallow lovers–if that’s what you expect, you will be sorry.  It’s rich and dense chocolate ice cream, hunks of fudge chips (the the same ones found in the New York Super Fudge Chunk flavor), swirls of toasted marshmallow goo (this part strangely looks like deli mustard…but tastes great–best eaten in the dark livingroom in front of the glow of your fave DVD), and hunks of gritty, salty graham cracker crust-type stuff.  This ice cream is rich, sweet and salty all at once.  A lot of fun textures combined to make an interesting treat.

December 18th, 2006

I cannot understand Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).  I can however, completely agree that it’s a disorder.  If you let the weather affect you THAT much, something is definitely wrong with you. 

Perhaps there is something wrong with me, too.  I must be one of the oddball freaks of nature, who react ENTIRELY the opposite way to gloomy weather.

If you’re suffering from SAD, go live in Arizona between November and March.

I HATE having this bullshit straight MONTH of sunny upper 30-50 degree (mostly) days in DECEMBER. It needs to be snowing and cloudy, dammit.

I hate that we only have a couple (at best) brisk days in the fall and the rest of September and October is bloody 60-70 degrees out, and BLASTED HOT, and sunny. We get like, what–5 days of colored trees then bam, the leaves all fall to the ground.

I cringe when people (especially the WEATHER PEOPLE ON TV) complain in the first week of MAY that it’s raining outside and only 60. It’s only SPRING PEOPLE, we’ve only JUST completed the winter meltdown a week ago and there was hardly any rain in April.

Then, spring only lasts about a week and BAM. It’s only May 10th and it’s 80 out. WHAT THE HELL????!!!!!

I can’t stand it when people live in Minnesota complain about winter. Go fvcking live in Florida, you asses.

We don’t get enough of the spring and fall that I really love. You know, about 40-55 out, light jacket weather. Perfect for walks and backyard fires and camping.

Sunny days make me sleepy and want to not do anything. I love crisp, overcast and yes, rainy days.

I should be a perfect candidate to live in London.

December 17th, 2006

Sean Connery…

raising brows for years 

One of my classmates, Shane K. could do this all the time.  He would do it when someone said something stupid.  When something someone said was supposed to funny but he didn’t get it (which I thought was sooo clever instead of just saying, “I don’t get it”).  The eyebrow that he gave to people was something he was soooo good at that it made you feel silly when he did it to you.  It was like he was able to say a thousand things without speaking a word.  I was determined to learn how right away! 

The first time I tried to do it, holding down one eyebrow (like I’ve heard some have tried to do) wasn’t enough.  I would spend HOURS trying to lift that one muscle in an attempt to be as clever and intimidating as Shane. 

What worked for me was, sort of lowering my right eyebrow to kind of make my left one SEEM higher, though what ended up happening was that my right eyebrow was WAY down there and I just looked mad. 

If found that if I kept trying the combination movement of simultaneously LIFTING my left eyebrow muscle while forcing my right eyebrow down.  It worked.  I took a lot of time practicing but I’ve been successfully raising my left eyebrow at people since about the 5th or 6th grade. 

I’m just now commenting on this because I cannot believe someone actually put this as a goal on 43things.com:)

Kiss My Sass » About me

Who is this chick?

I’m a fairly happy go lucky female, born in 1973, and I live in St. Paul, MN. I am self employed as a web designer, and it took me seven years to get my business off the ground and running to where I am now doing it full time from home.

I went to Newport Elementary school and then Woodbury High school (what a jump eh?) but that was because the junior high was being worked on for a long long time and they put all the junior and senior high kids together in one average sized school building (about 1800 kids all told when I was there). I graduated in 1991 and then took 2 years of training at a tradeschool in St. Paul where I got a certificate as an advanced Word Processing Tech and one for Secretary/Typist II. I moved to St. Paul shortly thereafter and begain a very long and not so fruitful career as an office clerk slash unhappy cog in various and sundry corporate machines.

This “About” page has stuff in it that is older than dirt.  So one day I’ll clean it up all new and sparkly again.  But in the meantime… if you care to learn more, read on.

About me and this blog (circa 1999-2000)

Before I move on to the fluff…

I must first and foremost present the all-too-necessary disclaimer:

This is an online journal, its intent marked solely to publicize the author’s unkeen, boring, utterly pathetic and otherwise bland existence on this planet, and is not meant to glamorize the aforementioned.

On the flip side, one might ask whether it’s purpose is to put forth a view of the author as one of self pity. No. It is a sometimes logical, sometimes screwed-up means of therapy for her. It’s nothing. It’s everything. Although it has its days, it’s also not meant to be a happy site. You’ve been warned. You WON’T see the author doing kartwheels or farting sparks. Above all, this site does not wish to inspire others. In other words, please do not try any of this shit at home. If you’re really interested, here’s the only interview ever conducted about my blog.

Here you will not find any ugly animated graphics. No poems pouring out devotion to NSYNC. No teen-angsty crap, bitching about ‘wardrobe-and-boyfriend-issues-and-parents-just-don’t-understand’ stuff. No ad banners plastered everywhere. Just the author and her daily stuff, mostly ranting and raving, and a few news articles scattered hither and yon.

Welcome to the winter of my discontent. Enjoy your stay here…sucka.

I like many things and wrinkle my nose at most. Yes I said fairly happy-go-lucky, but that refers to my own personal life. When it comes to how I view the world and others in it, cynical seems to be the type of mindset I’ve been in since about 1999, which is when I started this ca-razy blog thing. Yes, boys and girls, you are looking at a dinosaur in the blogosphere. The day I started it was practically just before blogging had even started to become a big trend on the internet. In fact, October 1999 is right about the same time as Blogger had started, but I didn’t know about it. Back then I had called this thing an online journal, Lord knows I kept it up much better than I do now.I enjoy reading and music, I guess I would put those two things as my upper-most favorite pasttimes. I used to be more active and atheletic than I am nowadays, but when I was I enjoyed hiking, swimming, volleyball, camping and floor hockey (I can’t skate on ice to save my life). I used to collect movies but my collection got to be so large I had to find something else to do. It started out with me setting my VCR to tape all the new cable tv releases while I was out all week at work, and coming home to view them was a harmless way to pass the weekend. It got to where I had too many movies on tape that I really didn’t care that much about, and had to start giving them away! Now I only buy DVDs that I know I will watch over and over again.

My favorites are too many to list, but they include:

  • The Breakfast Club
  • The Triplets of Belleville
  • Moonstruck
  • Goodfellas
  • Dr. Zhivago
  • South Pacific
  • Gone With The Wind
  • Shaun of The Dead
  • Bridget Jones’ Diary
  • Casablanca
  • Swingers
  • Honeymoon In Vegas
  • Steel Magnolias
  • An Affair to Remember
  • Office Space
  • Trust
  • Best In Show
  • All About Eve
  • Once Were Warriors
  • Being John Malkovich
  • The Notebook
  • Breakfast at Tiffany’s
  • True Romance
  • Wayne’s World! Party On!
  • Sense & Sensibility
  • Elizabeth
  • Wrestling Ernest Hemingway
  • Beaches
  • As far as music goes, my tastes vary but I love everything from Mozart to Gorillaz, and most everything in between (except for new country music and most hip-hop). Lately I’ve enjoyed listening to Imogen Heap, Modest Mouse, Gavin DeGraw, Franz Ferdinand, Natasha Bettingfield, and Ciara.

    What kind of blogger am I?Will blog eat itself? ‘Blogging’ or weblogging, has gone and consumed many people’s lives. It is the latest freakin’ craze, and there’s no end in sight! Or IS THERE?

    Will blog eat itself? ‘Blogging’ or weblogging, has gone and consumed many people’s lives. It is the latest freakin’ craze, and there’s no end in sight! Or IS THERE?I started mine back in the fall of 1999, as an online journal of sorts, where I posted more frequently, pointed out something interesting about my day, or a cool site I found. Now it’s just me crapping on about this and that and the whacky misadventures of my life.

    If it makes me feel better to post an entry even if there is nothing new to talk about, I will. I try not to do too much of this because it is just yawny.

    Just as people blog for different reasons, others read your blogs for different reasons:

    • Some are reading what the pundits or amateur journalists and the like have to offer in terms of alternate source of news, whether it be editorials, commentary, actual news reports, etc.
    • Others are reading because they get a kick out of the author or they admire something about them or perhaps because they can relate to the author in some way or another.
    • Some read because a common background is shared, an example of this is folks who are progammers/developers for a living or for fun, who keep logs and people read their logs because they want to keep others in the know about their projects, for networking purposes, professional development reasons, etc.
    • Others are literal folk, an entirely different breed. They are writers or aspiring writers. I presume to guess that these people probably do not read me or others like me (I’m guessing) because we are in essence NOT WRITING.
    • The list goes on.

    In my case, I’m just ‘posting’ stuff about my experiences, mostly ranting and raving or blabbering about something pretty stupid, which I happen to find interesting.

    I don’t go over my entries to fix style, repetiveness, grammar, paragraph and story structure, symbolism, spelling (okay, sometimes spelling) or any literal stuff like that.

    Mostly it’s because I don’t care but lately it’s because I’ve had my fiance kinda shacked up here with me and he’s a slob. It takes a helluva lot of time out of my day to keep this place halfway decent. (Why do men insist on leaving rolled-up socks in plain sight, right in the livingroom? UGH).

    I would LOVE to find out that I’m wrong, and people who write or aspire to great writing ARE reading me. I don’t care that I don’t have many readers (or I do but they are just shy?) but it would ROCK MY WORLD to hear from someone who likes reading me, or you can pretend to.

    Ack. Now I sound like I’m begging for social acceptance. Fuck that. It’s hard to say what it is I want. I want it all goddammit, and put it on a silver platter while you’re at it. Damn.

    Now I sound like a snooty character in a Parker Posey movie. Now I’ve bored you to death with my reasons for this. Good enough?

    I gotta go, now. I have to pick up rolled-up socks off the livingroom floor.

    I’ll add more to this page as I feel like it…in the meantime, enjoy my blog and if you ever want to say hi, just drop me an e-mail at woods dot bj at gmail dot com.

Kiss My Sass » Hollywood Hotties, Heroes & Has-beens

Monday, January 15th, 2007

Was Paula Abdul under some sort of influence during a series of interviews broadcast last week?  Or not?  FoxLife says maybe…
But Ms. Abdul’s publicist, Jeff Ballard says otherwise, denying that she slurred her speech, and chalked it up to technical issues on the part of the TV network…saying that she was simply reacting to the […]

Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006

Tom Cruise stands on a stack of L. Ron Hubbard’s “Dianetics” to pose with his new bride. Sound ridiculous? Hello?! How else can you explain these two getting a perfect cheek-to-cheek

wedding photo?

Ah, romance. Love. Things that make the world go ’round.
Or that which causes one to stoop so low (pun intended!) as to promise holy matrimony to such […]

Tuesday, May 30th, 2006

Why are people surprised when I tell them that I don’t want to see this fillum?  Variety talks about the reception its getting worldwide

On one hand, you have this movie based on a book which, had the author put it out there as a fictional sort of ‘fantasy’ well then perhaps it would be more easy […]

Sunday, May 14th, 2006

Why anyone likes this guy [Ross the intern from The Tonight Show]. Yes–God help me–I watch the Tonight Show.  Only because Jay Leno’s jokes are great.  Even if he counts on a plethora of others to help write them. Why 40-something is the new 20-something.

Why ER (and other network TV shows) has to show us what its like to […]

Monday, June 27th, 2005

Oprah Winfrey denied at Hermes, all you can eat buffets
Come see Tom play J-E-O-P-A-R-D=Y!

Tom Cruise is foaming at the mouth…someone shoot him, quick!

Friday, June 24th, 2005

Yes. I had the hots for Mallory Keaton’s little, freckle-faced kid brother ever since he was in Silver Spoons. Gawd, I used to adore him!

Unlike most chicks I went to school with, I was never one of those girls in the class who really got all ‘groupied-out’ and fell head over heels for everyone. You know…David AND […]

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

Hey Fred! Tony Soprano wants his expression back.

And the hairy gorilla belly. And the 2 dollar Jersey whore.

More info here…

Sunday, February 27th, 2005

The pre-party red carpet commentary from me is happenin’ right now before your very eyes. I decided to give my blow-by-blow this year via my blog because it’s a total waste to just be yelling at the TV in my sweats.
Sweats? Yes. I don’t do parties because people would kick me out if I did. […]

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005

The TV Snob wants to know: What’s Desperate Housewives’s secret to being such a success? Ugh. It’s such a silly show now! Kind of like Melrose Place was, only now it would be Melrose Place Ten Years Later because they all got married and bought houses in the burbs, with white picket fences.
Eva Longoria – […]

Sunday, April 13th, 2003

Michael Moore is an a-hole. He’s nothing but a dimestore documentarian disguised as a ‘good guy amateur journalist’ who’s just saying what he thinks has to be said. 
Unfortunately, so many people who might otherwise have gotten to know better, ate up things he does which converted an entire mob into a leftist orgy that we’re […]

Friday, March 31st, 2000

The end of March. I am NOT working today and glad of it. I will not be stopped from having a mentally relaxing and perhaps somewhat productive day off! You couldn’t if ya tried…
All I remember was being able to do some laundry, pay some bills and take a little break. I took a bus […]

Kiss My Sass » Blog Archive » Mamas, don’t letcher babies grow up to be Britney…

I was reading the entries for the Wife in The Fast Lane contest, which is being run by a woman who wrote (and is promoting) a book about busy career moms/superwomen/etc. and was laughing at some of them (they are funny) and happened to visit the blog of the author.  I was reading a post in January’s archives and saw a photo belonging to someone I thought was at least 18.  There was more cleavage than anything else.  The text below said the picture was of a 15 year old.  I can’t believe this woman lets her 15 year old daughter dress like that!  There was no way to comment on the site and EVEN if there were, I felt it would be rude to speak my mind there (not to mention none of my beeswax, I suppose–she’s not my kid after all), so I put it here. 

Since it’s my blog, I guess I can.

*sticks tongue out* 

And that’s all I have to say about that. 

Kiss My Sass » Blog Archive » Oh, the irony of it all

Sorry I think this story is hilarious…

1. Man hears school board wants to consider renaming Winter and Spring holiday breaks for school to “Christmas” and “Easter”, and heartily opposes.

2. Man wants to make the ultimate sacrifice to stand up for his beliefs

3. Man prepares to die in a burst of flames

4. The long arm of the law come to save man with fire estinguisher

5. Man lives and now suffers from burns on his body

6. School board makes decision to use the words “Christmas” and “Easter” for holiday breaks anyway.

7. I read the story and laugh my ass off.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

  • I met the screamer tonight – 2005

Kiss My Sass » All Your Stupid Searches Are Belong To Us

Sunday, December 17th, 2006

Okay, everyone who’s familiar with my blog knows I love write about the funniest and/or oddest website searches that people do which take them to my blog.  This month I’m posting some weird searches which happen to have a Christmas flavor to them.  Enjoy! elfs gone wild

I can tell you RIGHT NOW that a) there are no ‘elfs’ on my blog, […]

Wednesday, June 14th, 2006

best escort services in boca raton fl Hey! First off I’m not anywhere NEAR Florida, and secondly, I cannot fathom how Jeeves would confuse Kiss My Sass with escort services in the Pan Handle state! That dirty old man! sass underwear

Well, I never! Ha. I can tell you for certain that my underwear […]

Tuesday, April 11th, 2006

Last week my site’s logs showed the following interesting searches: 

Sally Fields facelift – Yes, ladies.  Thanks to the Sally Fields facelift, you too, can have the glowing, youthful looks of Sybill.  They’ll REALLY, REALLY LIKE you! grammas having sexy – Having sexy what? Shoes?  That’s got to be it.  

bimbos in the shower – as opposed to… […]

Sunday, November 6th, 2005

has two penises No, I don’t. I have none, actually, being that I’m an anatomically full fledged female. But there’s this guy I wrote about back a few years ago, that does. +divorcing crack addict

There are no crack addicts here, divorced and otherwise. I did do an entry about Fantasy headlines for 2006, wherein I foresaw Michael […]

Monday, July 4th, 2005

Okay, so this normally gets posted on Sunday…sorry I’m a bit late this week. I did the same thing last week too! Geez. I should just start doing it on Mondays then eh? Well, here are my WEIRDEST search requests for the week…
has two penisesNo, I don’t. I have none, actually, being […]

Wednesday, June 29th, 2005

OK this is two days late, I like to post these on Sundays but uh…. I’ve been busy. No more no more no more no more

OK I’m not sure if this person was looking for the lyrics to Ray Charles’ “Hit The Road, Jack” or if the person was just demanding NO MORE! So I’m just […]

Saturday, June 18th, 2005

new married couple doing funking picture of the indian peopleI can’t even muster up something clever to say, the searcher is more clever than I. I could never post about all those exciting things in one entry!
Silly Girl Scout “Day Camp” AwardsAh, yes. Girl Scout Day Camp memories…there were awards, and yes it […]

Wednesday, June 1st, 2005

asses parade sampleI did talk about a parade…at least once. I think it was a mention of the St. Paul Winter Carnival Parade, but I cannot easily recall in what context. What’s weirder though, is that this was Google’s Italian site the search came from. Hmmm
dunky fucking dunkyMust have been one of those days when […]

Monday, March 19th, 2001

Now I’ve seen everything.I thought foot fetishes were a strange thing. There are actually people who fantasize about being crushed, eaten alive, and being at the mercy of a giant person. Let’s not forget about those who are into balloons and having food thrown or spilled on them. Very strange. I could go on all […]

Saturday, March 17th, 2001

SXSW results GO! UNC in the house!Let’s see how they play against Penn State tomorrow. Momma needza new paira shoes.weird searches chilly willy photosAre there actual photos? Apparently someone wanted to see if there were. Sick people.

“frank mccourt” and “parody”I’m not sure if this person was looking for something about Frank McCourt parodying himself or what, but […]

Thursday, March 15th, 2001

If your blog is alot like mine (sucky) then chances are you need to kill it. At least that’s what they told me at kill your blog. After I took the quiz, the resulting pop-up window indicated the following:
Your weblog’s rating is 56%. OK, it’s not bad, I suppose. But it would behoove well to […]

Wednesday, March 14th, 2001

More weird searches n sync linensGoogle seems to have jumbled up my site’s description (which states I DON’T have any poems devoted to NSYNC) with an entry I had about people who hog the washing machine in my apartment building.

ass for daysI know I’ve got a big butt, but I’m pretty sure it’s not that big.

Sunday, March 4th, 2001

music to rollerskate to.I don’t have any on my site but last winter there was an entryalmost entirely devoted to talking about things my sister and I did as kids in the 70’s, including owning a vast collection of 45’s and a cherished ‘Smurfs’ record player so we had cool music to rollerskate to in […]

Tuesday, February 27th, 2001

disgusting burns photos are not something you’ll find here. I do however have an entrydedicated entirely to my hand surgery in December of ‘99. I guess I’m a melrose place girl.

she vacuums the car pics. Actually I don’t have a car, and if I did, I certainly wouldn’t have a story about it, let alone photos […]

Tuesday, February 13th, 2001

Seems that is all the traffic I get.  Ever.  Horny ol’ pervies lookin’ for stuff I don’t have.  Looks like my blog has been fucking all day

oh no…my computer is hakking. Could it be a hairball? Damn. I knew someday this would get me into trouble. I was trying to say HOCK a loogy. I still […]