Author: BJW Woods

Also sometimes referred in this blog as “Departments”. Just a topically-organized view of posts arranged by subject matter. Most recent posts first.

Enjoy!

Out of sheer boredom
[Read all posts in this category] Stuff I wrote instead of picking my nose. Perhaps I might have been better off doing the latter.

Best Of
[Read all posts in this category] Stuff that’s more thought-provoking, entertaining, or laugh-out-loud funny, than anything else in my blog. Or so I think. You decide.
My Stomping Grounds & Other Cavorts
[Read all posts in this category] In which I crap on about things happening where I live and work (in St. Paul, MN). Whether it’s stuff about happenings in my neighborhood, activities I take part in around here, or other stuff, i.e., restaurant reviews, or just ramblings about things around town, it’s here.

• Home, Sweet…Blechhhhhhh
• Most embarrassing thing I did in public, to date
• Off and on again
• Go, go gadget pc!
• Goodbye, Kirby
• I met the screamer tonight
• Captain Organ to the Rescue!
• School Daze
• NBC is causing me to procrastinate.
• Just a Kiss Before I Leave Again!
• Beat, Blurry and Bleary-eyed
• Booya & Beer
• Adventures at the public library
• The kitties next door are in love with me
• Cinco de Mayo–not much of a celebration for me
• work, oscars, bar adventures
• No legacy so rich as honesty
• neighbors, tv, books
• Do you know the people in your neighborhood?
• Clumsiest thing on two legs!
• Dammitdammitdammit
• Winter is coming…like it or not
• Thanks, Mister Bus Driver!
• Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs
• Things that go bump in the night…

All Your Stupid Searches Are Belong To Us
[Read all posts in this category] Random people go to Google, type in dirty words and then add the plus ‘+’ sign to a word–anything really, ‘pics’, ‘Sinead O’Connor’, ‘ice cream’, ‘vacuum cleaner’–then wind up here. I hope they’re ALL horribly disappointed when they don’t find any ‘FREE+NUDE+PICS+DREW+CAREY’ here at this site.
Grumplicious
[Read all posts in this category] Gawd, I’m such a grump sometimes. Bitchy, snobby, whiny, pissing and moaning all over the place. When I was all of thirteen my mother got me a magnet that says, “Bitch, Bitch, Bitch”. It’s on my fridge to this day. Still, I manage to make lots of friends. I’m still alive even though many people would want to kill someone with a mouth like mine. Go figure. But it’s mostly funny. You’ll laugh at my misery.

• Home, Sweet…Blechhhhhhh
• YouTube – blogging for morons?
• Mamas, don’t letcher babies grow up to be Britney…
• I’ve got the muzak in me.
• No White Christmas
• If you don’t like Winter – MOVE!
• Gay This, Gay That. Who cares?
• So much for eating “healthy”
• Funny how time flies
• Weekend woes
• Things I don’t understand
• America is dumb.
• ¡Feliz cumpleaños, Indeed!
• *sigh*
• Ugh. Guess people can’t take a friggin’ joke
• Calling me left wing is like…
• U.S. Soldiers Deserve Better on Armed Forces Day
• Dickweed Revisited
• The height of sophistication.
• VH1 Insomniac Music Theater
• Web site review
• Everything is falling apart.
• Everything is Dunky Hory.
• Because I’m bored off my fat ass tonight
• Home, sick. Ick.
• Click on the monkey and WIN!
• Customer Service, Schmervice
• Shut the fuck up, Donny!
• This post is a long time coming…
• I doooon’t wanna work! I just wanna bang on the drum all day…
• Adventures at the public library
• Bug Soup
• Muzack, Movies & Bad Hair
• money problems, so-called friends…
• My apartment is a dump
• So gosh darn glad it’s Monday…NOT
• Thanks, Mister Bus Driver!
• Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs
• Things that deeply trouble me
• Good God almighty, why does it have to be Monday??!!
• Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Politicians Are Funny
[Read all posts in this category] Aren’t they.
It’s Personal [Read all posts in this category]No, really. Here is where I actually post things that I’m thinking, things that happened to me and random feelings/observations from my cluttered mind.

Remember When
[Read all posts in this category] Bygone days of childhood and teen years. Back to times of wonderment. The tender ages. Fun, silly stuff.
Technology Eckschmology
[Read all posts in this category] I’m not really all that smart and geeky. I just wrote about this stuff to make you think I am.
The State of the Union
[Read all posts in this category] On where I pretend I’m CNN only it’s more like the O’Reilly Factor. No bloviating allowed. That’s my job.
Family Fun [Read all posts in this category]You can pick your nose but you can’t pick your family. Or whatever. Some of it’s tear jerking, some of it’s mean, and some of it’s fun. Stuff I write about my family.

Work, work, and more work
[Read all posts in this category] It’s is what’ll kill us eventually, so why not devote most of our lives to it? “All the live-long day! Just to pass the time awaaay!”
Celebrity Dreams, or NIGHTMARES?
[Read all posts in this category] I often have dreams about famous people. A mysterious quirk of my mind, something I wish I could turn off, but–God help me–I know not how. If I could, I’d sooner trade this *gift* in for ANYTHING else like, say, getting a migraine once a month. Or having a boil implanted onto my ass. *sigh* I should get a job at an entertainment mag and post all my dreams there.

• dreams
• Purple Rain
• If you like cases of Corona…

Men & other foolish things
[Read all posts in this category]
All my exes are banished to Texas. Well, not really. But no one has my heart right now. These posts are about the men that did capture it, or tried to, once.
Another Saturday Night and I Aint Got Nobody
[Read all posts in this category] On where I’d whine about being a singleton and feel all alone. “How depressing,” you say! Don’t worry, these bouts usually don’t last long. Besides, it usually was more a case of horniness than loneliness.
Dating Again, or Now Ive Gone Completely Mad
[Read all posts in this category] In which I go from loneliness to busy-ness in no time flat, entries ripe with lust, laughter and being left out in the cold.
I Enjoy Being a Girl
[Read all posts in this category] Who needs enemies when you’ve got friends like Mother Nature? I love…having boobs but curse the day the bra was invented…sporting a girlish figure and then watching it all go to hell after consuming too many Wavy Lays (who can eat just one?)…and bleeding like a stuck pig and turning into a psycho bitchfreak for 7 days a month. Not! As if Aunt Flo’s visits ALONE weren’t horrific enough, to top it all off, the boyfriend calls it ‘blowjob week’. Ugh. I’m bloated. Get the fuck away from me. And other assorted womanly wonders.
My new single life
[Read all posts in this category] No longer horny or lonely, my new fascination with success and running things my way including my own business keeps me from wanting much else.
World Wide Wack
[Read all posts in this category]
If you build it, will they come? They built it. I came. I wrote about it. And left. In some cases I go back, others I wished I hadn’t seen it the first time.
Hollywood Hotties, Heroes & Has-beens
[Read all posts in this category]
When it comes to media coverage of celebrities and their lifestyles & gossip, politics, etc., I’m all over it. it’s like a car accident, I can’t help but watch. I’m sure it’s an obsession, though I could give like, 2 shits about these people. I’m not a fan.
Hence the name “idiot box”
[Read all posts in this category] People think I’m snobby about TV, including my sister and mom. And I am. For the most part. If there is stuff on TV that is annoying or horrible, you can be sure that I’ve written about it. Which is way more fun than watching the TV. I’ve even complained about shows I haven’t seen, because–as a TV snob–That’s how I roll.
Holiday Hell
[Read all posts in this category] Family Thanksgivings ’round the table, 4th of July frolicks in the outdoors, whatever. Merriment or misery, it’s recalled here. The important thing is the meaning behind the OCCASION, not the fact that we’re out of liquor or nobody bought you anything that fits your fat ass, right?
Jokes & Random Shit
[Read all posts in this category] Just as the name implies

Seems that, for a long time, my life has been a cycle of being in and out, of a complete, chaotic, mess.  Money’s been too tight (and since November, practically non-existent), and I’m stressing out because I either have too much to do or not enough to do.

It’s my own damned fault, I suppose.  I could be getting more work.  Or more money, somehow.  A little back-story…for those who don’t already know… I run my own business from home, which can be scary sometimes if you don’t plan things well.

But it’s hard to be out and about trying to get contracts and meet people all day long and then go home and work for 12 hours more. 

I suppose I could get a part time job, but then when would I sleep?  I’m the only person working here, so it’s not like I could just delegate some tasks to a staff member!

If I continue this cycle of neglecting my own self-care, rest, and health, and spending 12-16 hours working every day, soon I will be dead.  When I’m working, I neglect myself.  My hair won’t get washed every day, I won’t take care to eat the right things, and I smoke too much.  I love my job…but it’s ruining my health. 

So I’m trying some new things…like not working one day a week and just spending that day doing meetings or marketing/making calls.  Then I will spend the rest of that day not doing a damned thing but having “me” time.

I will give it the ol’ college try and post how it goes.

~TTFN

Yep.

It’s been between 35-55 degrees this past week leading to Christmas and the ground has been dry and clear of any snow whatsoever.

On Thursday, we got snow.  It melted away by Saturday though.  That was it, since Winter started, Dec. 21st. 

I’m totally MIFFED that my Christmas was not white.

It felt weird to be sitting inside celebrating with my family, and looking outside to see a clear blue sky and sun everywhere on dry ground.

Eww!  Not right at all.

I do NOT understand people who are happy about this. They are not true Minnesotans. They are traitors.  Heathens!

Was Paula Abdul under some sort of influence during a series of interviews broadcast last week?  Or not?  FoxLife says maybe…

But Ms. Abdul’s publicist, Jeff Ballard says otherwise, denying that she slurred her speech, and chalked it up to technical issues on the part of the TV network…saying that she was simply reacting to the interview room’s bad acoustics, voices being shouted to her microphone and other stuff.  Full article here   

Below are links to 3 different interviews showing a different story, in which Paula does slur her words during throughout almost the entire segments of the interview, and is spinning in her swivel chair so much that she almost is out of the camera’s view, and in some cases, out of her chair!

Decide for yourself… HEY KIDS, COLLECT ALL 3!!

Interview 1 – Video

Interview 2 – Video

Interview 3 – Video

(links open in new windows)
 

Okay, everyone who’s familiar with my blog knows I love write about the funniest and/or oddest website searches that people do which take them to my blog.  This month I’m posting some weird searches which happen to have a Christmas flavor to them.  Enjoy!

elfs gone wild
I can tell you RIGHT NOW that a) there are no ‘elfs’ on my blog, perhaps mention of AN ELF, but if plural, they would be referred to as ‘elves’ (*sigh*–surely some sweet old lady English teacher is rolling in her grave somewhere), and b) none have ‘gone wild’ that I know of. 

Seems there is a pervert out there for every type of flavor of weirdness or far-out fickle fantasy, and the internet is their card-catalogue to browse through. 

Geez!  What’s next?

  reindeer kiss
No thanks, I don’t go THAT way!

All I can say is… “tasty!”. 

Not.

aboriginal Santa Claus Suit
Wow.  I can safely say that no Santa Claus Suits for Aboriginies exist on this blog.

I couldn’t believe such a thing might exist.  I had to actually go look it up, myself.  The closes thing I could find, to an Aboriginal Santa Claus was this guy, though it seems he is too busy blowing into his thingamabob, to play Santa.  And it appears the job itself does not require much in terms of clothing…let alone necessitating an entire suit.
 

why can’t clark’s crazy cousin eddie go sledding in christmas vacation
I know, huh!  That would have been fun to see.

But that Clark Griswold just steals the show no matter how much Cousin Eddie tries to.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

I cannot understand Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).  I can however, completely agree that it’s a disorder.  If you let the weather affect you THAT much, something is definitely wrong with you. 

Perhaps there is something wrong with me, too.  I must be one of the oddball freaks of nature, who react ENTIRELY the opposite way to gloomy weather.

If you’re suffering from SAD, go live in Arizona between November and March.

I HATE having this bullshit straight MONTH of sunny upper 30-50 degree (mostly) days in DECEMBER. It needs to be snowing and cloudy, dammit.

I hate that we only have a couple (at best) brisk days in the fall and the rest of September and October is bloody 60-70 degrees out, and BLASTED HOT, and sunny. We get like, what–5 days of colored trees then bam, the leaves all fall to the ground.

I cringe when people (especially the WEATHER PEOPLE ON TV) complain in the first week of MAY that it’s raining outside and only 60. It’s only SPRING PEOPLE, we’ve only JUST completed the winter meltdown a week ago and there was hardly any rain in April.

Then, spring only lasts about a week and BAM. It’s only May 10th and it’s 80 out. WHAT THE HELL????!!!!!

I can’t stand it when people live in Minnesota complain about winter. Go fvcking live in Florida, you asses.

We don’t get enough of the spring and fall that I really love. You know, about 40-55 out, light jacket weather. Perfect for walks and backyard fires and camping.

Sunny days make me sleepy and want to not do anything. I love crisp, overcast and yes, rainy days.

I should be a perfect candidate to live in London.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• We all scream for ice cream – 2006

Yesterday I went to SuperTarget and they had Ben & Jerry’s pints for 2 for $4 (normally almost $4/each).  So I picked up a couple.  Or six.  Yeah, so I’m post-menstrual.  I need ice cream now and then.  Deal.

I was a bit upset that they didn’t have one of my faves–Chunky Monkey.  Something about banana ice cream is so fantasically refreshing to me!

So instead I got these…

Vermonty Python – Haven’t tried it yet, but the carton says “Chocolate-liqueor-flavored ice cream with cookie crumb swirl and milk chocolate cows.”  I guess the cows are to represent the flying cows on the Monty Python’s Flying Circus show. 

Mint Chocolate Cookie – This is mint chocolate ice cream with chunks of Oreo-style chocolate sandwich cookies (not Oreos but close).  Sounds delish.  I love mint ice cream, Oreo Cookie ice cream, and chocolate, so I hope it does not disappoint.

Black & Tan – this is meant to be similar to the drink by the same name–a tall frothy glass of Irish stout beer.  If you like a cool pint of Guinness now and then, you might like the half inch or so of creamy (albiet sweet) stout-flavored ice cream on the top of this concoction.  But if you are not a chocoholic, you might not like the rest.  It is dark (almost black) chocolate ice cream with hint of chocolate liqueor taste to it.  Even I didn’t care too much for this dark layer, and I love chocoloate.  This part of the ice cream was very chalky to me, and had a strange sort of choclate taste, but not chocolatey-ice cream taste.

American Pie – Apple pie-flavored ice cream with chunks of cinnamon-y apple and pie crust.  Very different.  Tasted exactly like apple pie ala mode!  Not a favorite though.  Ben & Jerry’s fares better with their chocolate ice creams, in my opinion.

Marsha, Marsha, Marshmallow! – This is my ALL TIME FAVE Ben & Jerry’s flavor!  It’s not marshmallow ice cream, so beware marshmallow lovers–if that’s what you expect, you will be sorry.  It’s rich and dense chocolate ice cream, hunks of fudge chips (the the same ones found in the New York Super Fudge Chunk flavor), swirls of toasted marshmallow goo (this part strangely looks like deli mustard…but tastes great–best eaten in the dark livingroom in front of the glow of your fave DVD), and hunks of gritty, salty graham cracker crust-type stuff.  This ice cream is rich, sweet and salty all at once.  A lot of fun textures combined to make an interesting treat.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• If you don’t like Winter – MOVE! – 2006

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

Seems that, for a long time, my life has been a cycle of being in and out, of a complete, chaotic, mess.  Money’s been too tight (and since November, practically non-existent), and I’m stressing out because I either have too much to do or not enough to do.
It’s my own damned fault, I suppose.  I could be getting […]

Monday, February 19th, 2007

Today I think I’m at the bottom of the bottom.  There’s the earth’s surface, then 50 feet of crap, then there’s me.  I got turned down again for yet another contract job, and then I got a knock on the door and was handed a notice of eviction action…a summons…not an official “eviction notice”. 

Roughly translated, if […]

Saturday, June 10th, 2006

Being that I work from home running my own business, of course I rarely have time for myself because I spend on average 12-16 hours a day working.
But tonight that is all coming to a halt. I’m turning off the computer (as soon as I wrap up the Post-Carnival documentation) and then I’m […]

Wednesday, November 30th, 2005

You guys have been asking where I’ve been, if I’m really back, etc. Well I’ve been busy.

I’ve been working for the last 2 months trying to get a new division of my company (B. Woods Design–not new, that’s my company) launched. It’s not a new concept but it is a website in a box thingie…still rough […]

Wednesday, January 19th, 2005

I flat-out hate this job. I would rather be a Horsepoop shoveler in the Winter Carnival Parade, than sit here one more minute and pretend to care about math and science and Energy in General.

Oh, and if I get ANOTHER company-wide e-mail full of crap that does not pertain to ME SPECIFICALLY, […]

Thursday, May 17th, 2001

Ugh. yes. I know that it’s Thursday. Let me just tell you I’ve been through hell in the last day. Tuesday night I had knocked myself silly. How? Well, by falling down a huge flight of cement carpeted stairs and hitting my head. Very graceful, I know. *Ahem* Anyway, that’s all over with and I’m […]

Thursday, May 10th, 2001

Performance review at job is Wednesday, and self portion due by noon.    I got home very late, no time for dinner and relaxation.  Sat down at the kitchen table, and proceeded fill out self-review. 

Had almost no trouble with first four pages, as were all questions on how I felt my job’s tasks were handled, each answer to be […]

Sunday, December 17th, 2000

So so so so so happy that I got a job. I can hardly go to bed, I’m so excited.
So, on Saturday, Mom, Mary, Sandy and I all got together and we made cookies! Lots of them…Danish butter cookies, Mexican Wedding Cakes (sometimes called Russian Tea Cakes), Chocolate Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal Raisin, and Lemon […]

Saturday, December 16th, 2000

But not for long…Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus, because…

I GOT A JOB!I GOT A JOB! “…and now I’m as happy as a leetle school gurrl!” I’ve got lots to yak about but no time. Right now I’m off to mom’s to help make Christmas cookies!

more later, taters…

Wednesday, December 13th, 2000

JOB HUNTING…it’s not just for breakfast anymore. What a BIIIITCH! Oh, sweet, 14merciful mother of god, puhleeze help me get a freaking gig sometime this century!
…btw, it should be known that although Monday was DAY ONE of my stint as a partially unemployed! chick, and as of midnight Tuesday it is DAY THREE, the date […]

Monday, December 11th, 2000

What can I say? I’ve only just joined the awake world 5 hours ago and still feel as though I’m asleep…
I decided not keep the appointment I had scheduled for today. I was supposed to visit that college I mentioned before, that I kinda sorta wanna attend. Then I called the cool nutty granola […]

Saturday, December 9th, 2000

Where does the weekend go?

10:54pm Worked four hours. Froze nearly to death on commute. got home. Had big plans to haul out the fake tree and light it up, do Christmas cards. Instead I surfed and gafawwed at stupid websites. Read the news, read some email.

Now I’m cold and hungry and lonesome, so I’m gonna go curl […]

Monday, December 4th, 2000

Hey all. It got to a blistering and balmy 12 degrees in the Twin Cities today, and it’s only going to get better! Oooh, we’re expecting a high of 15 degrees on Wednesday…can’t wait!

Tonight when I got home I turned up the oven to 450 degrees and stood in front of it like a bum would […]

Monday, November 6th, 2000

Gosh, I guess I’m a little bit more chipper tonight than I was earlier.
I’m sure it took a couple hours for me to thaw out. You didn’t wanna mess with me earlier. I did skip out on the PT temp job today…but even though I took the day off I found it was very hard […]

Wednesday, November 1st, 2000

It was after nine when I got home tonight. I had been out since 6:30 this morning and was ON all day. Sometimes I get tired of being ON all day. Sometimes I just wanna go home and sit on the couch and mindlessly scratch my butt in front of MTV.

So tonite, after working nine hours I have […]

Carnival of the Insanities is up, at Dr. Sanity.  Go and check it out.

Literature Carnival 12, hosted at Much Madness is Divinest Sense is up, as of Saturday.

and Carnival of the Stars went up on Saturday, too, at Don Surber’s blog.

Enjoy!

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

I did not want to cook this weekend so I ordered some Chinese takeout on Friday night.

I made sure to get enough to last for a few meals, though the person who packed my order did not know this, and when it was delivered, I received 3 fortune cookies along with my order.  Perhaps they thought the order was for three.

Everyone who knows me, knows I get crap fortunes in every cookie I break open, so it was no surprise to find the following message stamped on the first one I opened:

“Don’t kiss an elephant on the lips today.”

Second one said:

“Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equal or greater opportunity”

So what does that mean??  In other words, if you are S.O.L. now, chances are high you could wind up being even more or a bit less S.O.L., in the end. 

and finally,

 “Every exit is an entrance to new experiences”

Well, duh. 

Ah, bugger!  Never have I ever in my life gotten one that predicts love, success, wealth, or even plain old fashioned happiness, of any kind.

Of course, I could have opened them seperately, at the end of each meal this weekend, but I knew they’d be crap, so I figured I’d get it over with and open them all up right away!

I was supposed to stay in this weekend (even though it’s gorgeous out!) and work on websites for a couple clients.  I’m seriously behind on one of them and need to finish it so I can get paid and avoid an eviction from this dump of an apartment building, from which I rent a cramped 2nd floor unit.

So today, rather than catch up on that, I have to go to mom’s today to help her with some stuff around the house. 

Woe is me.

Ta-ta for now.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Weekend Blog Carnivals – 2006