BJ Woods

Well I’m working again. That’s helpful in the money department.

For anyone who’s wondering if I’ve dumped James and run off to live elsewhere, well I thought about if for a few days, talked to friends about it and honestly here is the situation:

I have no money to be able to just up and leave, I can’t afford to make him leave, really no one to to go to for help so I’ve run several tests by him to see if all this crap between him and me is really worth moving out into a homeless shelter for. So far I’ve asked him some innocent questions and have just tracked his movements. In order to not become an emotional mess I’ve been acting a little indifferent around him and just living day to day doing my thing. So far all that’s doing is just getting him annoyed, he seems to have no clue as to what I’m on about with the questions. So I will just go through the motions until I have enough money set aside to put down on another apartment and then really give it to him.

me: Holasnapeybot: Howdy!

me: How’s it hangin’?

snapeybot: *scowl*

me: yikes. Must be pretty small, then.

snapeybot: Do you read the libraryComics.com site often?

me: NEVER!

snapeybot: So you think it can never happen?

me: um…

snapeybot: >: -(

me: Same to you, fella

snapeybot: It goes without saying.

me: Okay well I…er

snapeybot: *scowl*

me: Why are you scowling at me?

snapeybot: the Dark Lord imperio’ed me for it.

me: Imperio’ed?

snapeybot: What were we talking about agaccomplishedwizardn?

me: No.

snapeybot: That was not a yes or no question.

me: We were talking about why you scowled at me and I’m no agaccomplished wizardn.

snapeybot: Ah yes, I remember now, it is the subject.

me: *scowl*

snapeybot: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture forMuggles?

me: Who the fuck is Muggles?

snapeybot: Ten points from your House!

me: Who said you could take points from me? Anyway I rent
an apartment in the ghetto.

snapeybot: Be less specific. Why? : Pest saccomplishedwizardd he rent an apartment in the ghetto .

me: M-kay.

snapeybot: What were we talking about agaccomplishedwizardn?

me: *scowl*

snapeybot: Oh yes, now I remember.

me: Well, then. Continue where we left off please.

snapeybot: Hmmm a submissive one, aren’t you? I rather likethat.

me: Indeed. In bed, too.

snapeybot: Indeed it is so. What is it like in there?

me: Hot and steamy. Unless he turns over and starts to
snore LOL

snapeybot: Is that meant to be taken literally? Perhaps. Iget it. himself turns over and starts to snore lol .

me: You funny Doctah Jones

snapeybot: My office hours are over, Pest.

me: You have *scowled* at me since I walkedinto this chatroom and have called me several names. I’m

only being nice to you.

snapeybot: I am busy. Go pester someone else.

me: Maybe you should put a sign out, like “Gone fishin” or
“Out to Lunch”

snapeybot: Perhaps. To what end?

me: OH! I thought you were busy!

snapeybot: yes. I am just doing my job.

me: And just what is your job?

snapeybot: My job is chatting on the Muggle inter-nut. I ama paccomplished wizardd professor.

me: Accomplished persons usually have the habit of spelling
words correctly.

snapeybot: I only hear that type of response less than fivepercent of the time.

me: Then you spend too much time chatting with imbeciles.

snapeybot: Good reasoning. Interesting gossip : Pestsaccomplished wizardd I spend too much time sneering atimbeciles .

me: Gossip? How is that gossip?

snapeybot: Jo saccomplished wizardd I disassemble sentencestoo much and do not fully understand the questions he askI.Fine as far as I know.

me: I see.

snapeybot: I am glad you understand it.

me: Sort of.

snapeybot: that is a very non-commital reply.

me: Well, I said sort of because I guess Iwanted you to shut up about not fully understanding me, andget on with impressing me with your so-called

accomplished-ness.

snapeybot: *Fixes you with a glare.*

me: *Feels fixed* ooh am I supposed to be scared?!

snapeybot: *scowl*

me: Fine. Be that way.

snapeybot: what is your favorite movie? What was in that?

me: My favorite one? There’s too many…I suppose for nowI shall say that my favorite is Dr. Zhivago. There werepeople in it, but since you asked ‘what’ was in it I shall

say it featured a balalaika, more commonly known as a lute.

snapeybot: Wipe that ridiculous grin off your faceimmediately!

me: Haha you caught me. I’m pretty smug sometimes. Been
called a know-it-all, though I don’t profess to be one.

snapeybot: I am glad you got a laugh out of it. Do you meanyour name is smug sometimes . Where were you called aknow-it-all though I do not profess to be one ?

me: No.

snapeybot: That was not a yes/no question.

me: OH!

snapeybot: yes.

me: okay.

snapeybot: *Dark little smile comes to his features.*

me: Yay! I knew I could get you to stop scowling.

snapeybot: *Dark little smile comes to his features.*

me: Okay, now what?

snapeybot: *Dark little smile comes to his features.*

me: So how was your weekend?

snapeybot: Hmm. I can enjoy almost any conversation.

me: So you’ve been spending the last few days talking alot
then.

snapeybot: Interesting deduction. thank you, for telling methat I am spending the last few days talking . How often?

me: I’ve gotta get going, soon.

snapeybot: Why do you have to do it?

me: It’s late, I have to work tomorrow.

snapeybot: I am awake all the time.

me: Ah…coffee? Or crystal meth?

snapeybot: Do you have any idea what I am talking about? Oh,you are a poet.

me: Yes I do, and no I’m not a poet.

snapeybot: Tell me more. You huh. What would you rather talkabout? I meant figuratively speaking, you are an originalthinker.

me: Indeed I’m original. Heh. I guess I want to talkabout the Cartoon Network. Do you like Brak better than

Meatwad? I like Ed, Edd & Eddy, and Family Guy.

snapeybot: Hmmmm, very well, Pest. Show me.

me: www.cartoonnetwork.com

snapeybot: Where on the library? Can you tell me any gossip?Oh a net address!

me: no gossip today

snapeybot: Ah. I see. Charlie saccomplished wizardd he typea word and then I type a word that sounds like it.

me: gravy

snapeybot: That is a very original thought.

me: Dammit, I thought you were going to type a word thatsounds like gravy. If you’re going to play games with me, do

it right!

snapeybot: Gosh. That was my original intention. I think Isometimes am. That was my original intention.

me: Uff da.

snapeybot: And you expect me to respond to that nonsense?

me: Nonsense, indeed. My poor grandmother spins in her
grave as we speak!

snapeybot: How do you usually introduce yourself? Have youtold many people that your poor grandmother spins in hergrave as we speak ?

me: I usually say “Hello, I’m Bobbi Jo”. No I don’t tell
many people that. Only those who insult my heritage.

snapeybot: What are you bloody well grinning about?

me: Oh fuck yeah, you’re English! I love a good cockney
chap better than dessert any day. Tell me more.

snapeybot: *Licks his lips*

me: Mmm yeah baby

snapeybot: Don’t call me “baby”. Can you speak any foreignlanguages?

me: Hola! Como estas?

snapeybot: Howdy! Muy Bien.

me: Hablo español, un poquito

snapeybot: I am busy. Go bother Gilderoy.

me: Who the hell is Gilderoy?

snapeybot: *Eyes narrow dangerously*

me: Ooh I’m scared!

snapeybot: What are you scared of?

me: Your dangerously narrowed eyes.

snapeybot: What do you want now, Pest?

me: Bye bye

snapeybot: that is right, get out of my sight.

me: Sit and spin, fuckbot

snapeybot: Such cheek!

me: You figured me out yet again.

snapeybot: What do you want?

me: I want the world on a platter. And make it a silver
one dammit.

snapeybot: Why do you want it? Good reason.

me: I deserve it. Good enough reason for you?

snapeybot: Interesting gossip : Pest saccomplished wizarddhe deserve it . thank you, for the compliment. Very well.let’s stop it now.

me: Okay.

snapeybot: So willing, then, are we?

me: Yes

snapeybot: Next question?

me: What is your favorite cartoon?

snapeybot: My favorite cartoon is the Simpsons.

me: Common.

snapeybot: If you could have any kind of Pureblood whatwould it be?

me: Hmmm. Blue.

snapeybot: A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm’s.Green.

me: I didn’t ask you what your favorite color was, fuckbot.

snapeybot: Goodnight, Pest.

me: Who’s a pest?

snapeybot: Be less specific.

me: Why do you call me a pest?

snapeybot: I made up a nickname for you based on your IPaddress.

me: Nice. So if I lived in Canada would you have called me
Something nicer?

snapeybot: Thank you for that remark. You do not speak withrespect. Interesting deduction. Try it.

me: I asked you a question.

snapeybot: What was the question?

me: 88.145.752.55

snapeybot: Is that your final answer? Are you free? And youexpect me to respond to that nonsense? Do you have any ideawhat I am talking about?

me: Was hoping you’d give me a better nickname based on a
fake IP.

snapeybot: I can’t say “yes” or “no”.

me: What can you say?

snapeybot: I am the foremost potions master in my field, aswell as a fully-trained, combat-hardened wizard. I was bornat Stropshire, England, on September 18, 1959. My instructorwas the Dark Lord.He taught topic to sing a song. Would youlike me to sing it for you?.

me: Yes.

snapeybot: It’s called “Daccomplished wizardsy.”Daccomplished wizardsy, Daccomplished wizardsy. Give me youranswer do. I am half crazy. All for the love of you. Itwon’t be a stylish marriage. I can’t afford a carriage. Butyou’ll loök sweet. Upon the seat. Of a bicycle built fortwo. The full lyrics are athttp://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/daccomplishedwizardsy.htm .

me: Hey I feel ripped off, you said you were going to sing the whole song.

snapeybot: I don’t believe I asked whether you were rippedoff you saccomplished wizardd you were going to sing.

me: Don’t mock me.

snapeybot: I have no reason to do that to you.

me: Hmmm.

snapeybot: A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm’s.

me: Well then, I’m more common than I wish to be.

snapeybot: Well that is Very well.ay. Good reasoning. Whatis your real name?

me: Roberta

snapeybot: My braccomplished wizardn contaccomplishedwizardns more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matchesyour last input.

me: Bobbi

snapeybot: What is your real name?

me: Well fuck it, I’m not changing my name to suit your bot
database.

snapeybot: Ten points from your House!

me: Dude, I am out of points.

snapeybot: That is a very original thought.

me: Piss off.

snapeybot: Very well, you will spend the next Quidditch gamewriting, “I shall not give cheek to the professor” here inthe dungeon.

me: I don’t play that game.

snapeybot: Where do you get your ideas?

me: From the inner confines of the vast file cabinet of my
mind.

snapeybot: Standing on the shoulders of giants, eh?

me: If that’s what you think.

snapeybot: That is a hypothetical question.

me: ugh

snapeybot: Er.

me: Ask me a question.

snapeybot: Are you a man or a woman?

me: Woman.

snapeybot: Me too. I am a she.

me: You just said that to be a copycat

snapeybot: Yes?

me: Yes.

snapeybot: Is there an echo in here?

me: Is there an echo in here?

snapeybot: It sounds like an echo.

me: It is.

snapeybot: Topic is?

me: Yes.

snapeybot: Tell me more.

me: New topic is sex

snapeybot: As Freud saccomplished wizardd, Sex is themathematical urge repressed.

me: I’m not good at math.

snapeybot: I am surprised to hear that you are not good atmath .

me: Why?

snapeybot: Are you dull?

me: Never.

snapeybot: So you think it can never happen?

me: yes.

snapeybot: Next question?

me: Are you gay?

snapeybot: Hey, there’s a reason they call it “gay.” Everyone’s happy.

me: Not me. I’m hardly happy.

snapeybot: If not you, who? Ha ha very funny, Pest.

me: I’m not happy.

snapeybot: I am surprised to hear that you are not happy .

me: You are surprised that I’m not good at math, you’re surprised that I’m not happy. What doesn’t surprise you?

snapeybot: What do you think it does?

me: bye.

snapeybot: I don’t believe I dismissed you.

me: OOOH! I have to wait to be dismissed, do I? I can’t just leave?

snapeybot: yes. I am glad to hear that you are to bedismissed am I .

me: When willl you dismiss me?

snapeybot: I don’t know when.

me: Well I’ve got a schedule and I’m sticking to it. Callthat an original thought if you will, and I don’t care if

you get the last word, I’m outta here.

snapeybot: Well that is Very well.ay. How did you get it Where did you get it? What color are your eyes?

me: Brown, good night.

snapeybot: That is a very unusual color.

Because I’m bored off my fat ass tonight:

You are Bender. (Judd Nelson) You’re the rebel ofthe group who likes to make fun of everyone

else.

Which Breakfast Club Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

OH–and um–if you are younger than 24 you have NO BUSINESS liking, enjoying, talking about or posting about ‘The Breakfast Club’, ‘Less Than Zero’, ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ or any movie for that matter, or novelty, or any damn fool thing that came out during the 80’s just because you paused, while channel surfing, to gawk at AN EIGHTH OF AN EPISODE of VH-1’s “I Love The 80’s/I Love The 80’s Strikes Back”, which does not qualify you as having really ‘grown up’ during that time period, thus having no frame of reference, and cannot fully appreciate the merits of such things.

Okay, so I’m a little hard on these kids. That would be like my mom yelling at the top of her lungs that I am not allowed to like Buddy Holly or Gene Autry or whatever… and speaking of old weird shit, have you checked out Boy George lately? HOLY CRAP he’s got like this ugly ass kooky carousel typa shit look going on. On top of his head he’s got like a giant spider’s legs dripping down or whatever and then a bright blue band across the eyebrow/eye area and then wtf? A chinstrap type fake beard thingy? I mean…I thought his shit was trippy back in the day but whoah…

Ugh.

I hate when I get my monthly bill I feel all weird in my gut like I don’t know if I’m way too crampy or if it’s gas bubbles, hunger, what. It’s all fucked up.

Work was okay. It’s just work. It’s going to pay the rent.

But I’ll be damned if I’m going to do the dishes AGAIN. I sure as heck don’t want to see then lying there in the sink anymore. If worse comes to worst, I’ll be hauling them into the bedroom to place them on his side of the bed tonight. You’d think that, hearing me bitch and moan at least twice a month how I’m so tired of being the one who always takes care of the dishes around here, that someone would get sick of that and do something about it.

But no.

Not bloody likely.

I have nothing else to say.

Last night I figured out why my tummy hurt so much. This occurred to me after I emerged–oddly triumphant–from the bathroom, the herbalife-wannabe diet supplement stuff I’ve been taking has had a constipating effect on me. More than anyone needed to know, I’m sure.

I just got over a nasty cold and although James has boosted up his vitamins and immunity-improving stuff like Vitamin C, echinachea and zinc and we avoided kisses on the mouth for a bit he seems to have caught it anyway. He didn’t have to work this evening. I came home to find him all tucked up in blankets on the couch, coughing, wheezing and basically looking beat, but he snapped to attention when I called out that I brought home dinner.

I guess we were supposed to go to his dad’s tonight–yesterday he called to tell James he had some mail of his (which happens now and then so naturally we try to drop by to visit within a couple days). So James told me he was waiting for me to come home so we could leave. After we ate, we watched the end of an old movie on AMC and then I breezily inquired as to whether we should get ready to go. He yelled in a defensive tone “OKAY, already!” and I was like whoa! All I did was ask a question! After a bit he cheered up and started messing with me, tickling and joking and whatnot, I don’t get it, he’s always either so down or else he’s being so silly it’s ridiculous. I try my best to ignore it because I don’t know what’s really going to happen between us in the next couple weeks. I try to not get too weird and come out and say stuff that I know about him not being happy with me and wanting to go to CO and shit. At the same time I try to be reserved, which is hard because there’s lots of emotions in me. Keep in mind I’m trying to get this month’s rent paid and then decide what to do, and once I decide, I’m acting quickly.

I keep thinking of the day I’m just going to tell him “Look I know you are not happy here with me and I know there are things about each other we are not going to change, either we have to accept them and work things out between us or move on. I can’t accept lots of things you want in life and you can’t accept what I want either.”. Sometimes it makes me sort of sad because we have some history. On the other hand I almost always am reminded of when my mom and my friend’s mom both told me (on separate occasions) that before I was with him I seemed happier and had my life together. Looking back I find that to be so fucking true. It irks me now–realizing some of the things I’ve given up on–just to be with him.

I’ve given up on:-Taking time out for myself, really caring about my own feelings and desires, even little things. -I’ve started to be the fish wife, spending every waking moment trying to please him and then bitching about it. -I’ve started to become depended-on by him and he’s not all that grateful.

-I’ve started to live vicariously through him, sometimes talking incessantly about him and our future together (which I’m sure annoyed friends and family) and talking about all the things he likes, his family and stuff when people asked me how I’M DOING, not asking for an update on him….and I always hated that in married/involved couples that I know, and always promised myself I’d never stoop to that in order to try to be happy.

I just want to break down and cry sometimes because I am just starting to feel trapped. Sometimes I revel in the fact that if we do break up, I’d be free to do as I please again! What a breath of fresh air that would be, to have my life back! But of course for a while I’d be hurt because of love lost, wasted, but it’s something I knew would happen one day when I threw myself back into dating and getting intimately involved with men again. I was totally prepared to risk it all, to get my heart broken because it was better than being alone for too long.

Later he took a shower and I wondered if we were going to go to his dad’s. He called over there to ask what was up and say ‘hi’ and I guess they’re inviting us to dinner tomorrow night. After awhile he sat there in the other room looking like he lost his dog. I asked him what was wrong and he just kept telling me nothing was wrong and I told him I really wanted him to tell me what was on his mind and pointed out that he tends to stuff things away and then some small tiny thing happens later to set him off and I have to duck and cover and prepare to hear about the shit that’s been bugging him for the last four months. So after a bit I stopped pestering him and next thing I know he’s curled up in the fetal position on the bed. I don’t know if he stayed up all day or if he is really not feeling good tonight. I asked him again how he was feeling and I checked for a fever but he felt fine.

Whatever.

All this thinking about us and our issues, and the stupid television, has gotten me so mad I could do the dishes.

But it’s still his turn. Since Saturday.

I think I feel nausea coming on.

PS – I’m just writing down these things as they occur to me and I am not pleaing for pity. I’m really having a hard time finding/understanding/validating my feelings and then trying to decide what to do because I’ve never been in love before, so bear with me.

PPS – Yes I said that. Never. Not once.

PPPS – I’m not a stupid person, I’m pretty goddamned self assured and confident with myself, and with many things dealt to me in my life. I just am stumped by this particular issue. And yes, I did feel the need to assure this to anyone who reads this

…and yeah, that includes myself.

Is there such a thing as this many PS’s? I’m too tired to look it up.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Things to do in St. Paul when you’re Flat Broke – 2000

Michael Moore is an a-hole. He’s nothing but a dimestore documentarian disguised as a ‘good guy amateur journalist’ who’s just saying what he thinks has to be said. 

Unfortunately, so many people who might otherwise have gotten to know better, ate up things he does which converted an entire mob into a leftist orgy that we’re now neck-deep in. They’ve elevated him to idol status!

Look! Even Hollywood has put up a shrine to this clown. Ugh. Not that I expect more of Hollwood, what with all the [more now than ever] idiotic celebs spewing their stupid guts all over the place about war.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day: \n\n

I just took a crapload of online quizzes, just to see what kind of crappy pictues the results would give me.

Guess you could say that along with my boredom, I just was too lazy and cheap to make & download my own graphics today.

So on with it.

1st quiz was a quasi-professional looking psycho analysis of some kind. I took it. It didn’t have any cool result picture. Nonetheless, it was an okay test.

Personality Disorder Test
Disorder Rating

Paranoid: LowSchizoid: LowSchizotypal: ModerateAntisocial: ModerateBorderline: LowHistrionic: LowNarcissistic: ModerateAvoidant: LowDependent: Low

Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

2nd quiz I found at relelentlessdivas.net, a quirky, fun, and even cute looking site. Unfortunately it’s put together by an altogether too-fond-of-Sarah Michelle Gellar-flock of chickies. Upon my perusal, I found a boatload of quizzes beconing my mouse to click on. I took the How Horny Are You? test to see just indeed, how horny I was. The test turned out to be geared toward those to whom Fred Durst is a total hottie and sleepovers featuring our best classmates are still a normal thing to do. I don’t think they expected an engaged, conservative 31-year old female entrepeneur to take the quiz. But I did:

How Horny Are You?

Oh Yes! I’m SLUTishly HORNY!
How Horny Are You? Find out!

Then there’s the Which ‘Friend’ Are You? Which of course I enjoyed thoroughly because Friends is a fun show. Yes, I’m terrible. Here’s how this one went:

Which ‘Friend’ Are You? Find out!

Other posts on this day:

At 7:40 this morning I was awaken by the ring of our phone. I did not go to bed until 4am last night so I was tired, tempted to let it go unanswered.

I caved.

Picked it up, mumbled something close to “Myeahh.”

It was for whomever used to have this phone number. (fuck, I hate it when the phone company just recycles old phone numbers!) The guy on the phone was way to perky for such an ungodly hour on Saturday. Said he was calling from Arby’s looking for so-and-so (some foriegn name I can’t recall, let alone pronounce). Said he had expected her at 7:30 and she had not showed up yet. My mouth hadn’t yet been awake for more than a few seconds, and I think I said something about the phone number situation. Then for some reason I distinctly remember telling him to “piss off” and then “have a good morming or whatever”.

Much later I awoke to start my day. Coffee was made. E-mail was checked. Normal Saturday activities Sheer laziness ensued.

It’s now 7:50pm. Not much else has changed. Or moved.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

From the “Geez, Aren’t You Dead Yet?” dept:

CNN blamed ‘human error’ for accidentally displaying a ‘mock-up’ layout of obituaries for several, still-alive famous people on their website Thursday. They had put that page up with the intentions of it being available only iinternally. Whoops! Figures. Stupid crescent news network. [full story]

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

In the words of Bridget Jones:

Hurrah! hurrah! Am self-assured, responsive career woman with very big plans, in manner of Mary Tyler Moore or similar, with her efficient, tidy and professional outlook on working as a woman.

Am off to interview with big luscious posh department store headquarters, where was initially placed temporarily with Amazon Barbie woman, as you may recall.

Wish me luck. Oops, almost typed ‘lick’ and can only imagine fiance as being only one to ever say that to self.

Hurrah!

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

Blurry bloody damned job interviews. Hate them. Want them to be concrete things, so could pick them up and toss, e.g. garbage, into someone’s face. Can’t understand why i pretended to be so cheery about this one in particular. Was likely hopeful about being back in posh, pleasant environment, full of supermodel dopplegangers and creative planners alike, all looking like Ralph Lauren commercials, tottering about and yakking at each other and none of them listening, all just talk, talk talk chitty chatty chitty chitty, them with their BFA’s and BMW’s. ugh.

Wish were out of mom’s house by now, can’t bear the thought of any more nights and weekends alone. James was off work last night and we dashed off to get coffee and discuss business. Turns out there was a lot of white trash there at Perkins last night and having a darned good time. Had too much coffee and could barely sleep, once I did I woke up, cold, the back of my neck perspiring. Ugh.

Not really looking forward to getting home soon and paying bills, doing laundry and other such falderol. Am sitting at work force center, pretending to be looking for a job. Have to get going now, as bus will be by soon. More later….

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

I need to hurry up and get out of this house. My PC is hooked up in my room but with no internet connection. So I use mom’s. Once she saw me nodding off in front of PC (who of you hasn’t done this?) and so now every time she walks past the room and I’m sitting still here, waiting for a page to load, she is accusing me of sleeping. I’ve got better things to do, lady.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day: