BJ Woods

My name is Bobbi Jo and I am a recovering weblogs.com-aholic. [clap-clap-clap, “Welcome, Bobbi Jo”]

I used to use Manila in conjunction with weblogs.com.

I do not do that anymore. So help me, God.

I know what you’re thinking…”they all say this when they first arrive!” No, this time I really mean it.

I saw the signs, I saw it all coming.
1. Ever since Manilla Express stopped working I knew something wasn’t right anymore (yes that WAS a long time ago). I miss it dearly. 2. Then when they moved Weblogs.com, I told myself that this was it.
No more sitting idly by and watching all the cool people over at Blogger, with their trendy Pyra-powered blogs that always work and have good server uptime and whatnot, waving their clever navy-blue-and-orange blogger icons around. No more. no more no more no more no more no more no more.

3. Ed Champion over at Blog You! was the one who finally made me realize what I was doing wrong. [oops, he told me to use Moveable Type. Ack…sorry Ed, I gotta get a domain and my own host first]. One fine day, when the grass is green and the Hewlett-Packard people start making decent computers, and I have enough money to pay for rent AND food AND a server, and I can start using porn sites as income generators…that will be the day I will pack my blogspot bags and move over to Moveable Type land. Until then, well, here I be. Lorem ipsum!!

I’ve been blogging since way back when, in the fall of 1999, and I’ve come a long way, baby. To get an idea of day lee’s very disgusting and humble beginnings, click here.

I’ve turned over yet another leaf. A new blog, a new me, soon another new year. So now what, you say? Well, here’s the deal. No more pitiful proclaiming “Welcome to the winter of my discontent, enjoy your stay here…sucka”.

The new, clean and sober me has brought a new mission to light. From today on I vow to try my darndest to provide the low-life blog-reading scum with a half-decent blog. Yes, i know, that sounds like I’m trying to sell myself short. I’m taking baby steps.

I’m no big dreamer. I always start small. My fiance is the big dreamer. I keep him grounded with all my might. I am Miss Ugly Reality and it drives him nuts but we make a good business team. Ha. It’s not making us any money yet. So why are we still in business then? Uff da.

Anyway, here’s what I can offer:

Ultra kinky ways to maintain a relationship with your pet chimpanzee Recipes for the cast-iron stomach A personal take on life, hosted by my silly ass Fun with bad hip-hop Ugly photos Andy Dick fan club Cool things you can do with Elmer’s Glue and Hanson Minty fresh site reviews

Tried-and-true personality makeovers and lots of Gangsta Bitch Barbie fun.

Anyway…on with it already. See all you low-life blog-reading scum tomorry.

No. And why not? Do you have a rotten Christmas because you didn’t get what you wanted? Well, if you’re five and haven’t grasped the concept and also don’t take pleasure in all the giving that us adults do, then sure. But in the grown-up world we here are all focusing on what did Japan give to the Tsunami relief effort? What did Germany give? Whah whah whah. Why, when the U.S. can afford to help, do we care so much about HOW much we can help. Okay, yes, it seems awful that, on one hand, you’ve got Sweden, who gives a lifetime supply of Neutrogena, 7000 couches from Ikea and healthcare for everyone and then you have Albania, who only gave 400 cases of saltine crackers and then the U.S. gives more money to other countries than the world combined! If we weren’t at war right now with Iraq I’m sure that it would be easier to do better.

Fucking whiny liberals. I’d hate be someone who has to get any Christmas gifts for one of THEM.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Weird Search Requests – 2000

When you are having no fun.

I do believe I’m suffering from some burnout.  I have worked an average of 14-18 hours a day, (with the exception of a day or two off every month) for the last 16 months and I feel like I need a long nap!

Meanwhile, I got a cute comment earlier today from someone, and when I get comments from people I don’t know I take the courtesy of clicking on their blog link to visit their site.  Well, I was in for a treat because the last comment I got was from renn at Rennratt’s blog. For the most part you all know I don’t really follow ‘chick blogs’ because they are usually full of crafty junk, kid pics, and stuff like ‘My little Johnny said this today or Suzy pooped on me today” crap and you all know how much I hate children, muwahahahahah.

However, I found her posts to be a very funny, intelligent and lighthearted break from the fierce political and sometimes dry news-y blogs I tend to follow.  I shall consider it a new fave and it’s now in my sidebar!  Wwell, ok..that isn’t’ a HUGE honor…I mean, no one hangs out at this shithole long enough to care anyway.  But there it is.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Stop, hey, what’s that sound? – 2006

Okay, this post has nothing to do with The Big Lebowski. I just couldn’t think of a title. I hate this feeling as though there is a need to have a title for every entry, though I do try to come up with clever ones. Sorta stupid, huh? 

It is cold here in my apartment. Dammit.

I’m pissed ’cause I asked the landlord to look into it on thursday. crap.

I need to go to the store and get cigarettes.

back later – buhh byee

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Official Seal of The United States Democratic Party – 2004

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Before I go on and on and on, I just wanna say that it is DRAFTY in this mofer tonight!

*teeth chattering*

Got home from job #2 late, as usual. Didn’t make any sales, but then again, I can’t sell a plastic baggie to a dude walking his dog in the park. I am never sleepy when I get home and have the tendancy to sit on the phone or surf the net while catching a rebroadcast of the Daily Show so’s I can keep up with the news and whatnot.

Things to ponder:

Bill Shatner spouting lyrics to cheesy long-forgotten Dionne Warwick songs in a lounge singer style manner, with a unwittingly pitied house band behind him, does not a good tv commerical make. If I see another one I WILL hurl. This is just as obnoxious, if not more, than the one with the kid who burps the alphabet, for God knows what product/service they are advertising. I have forgotten already.

Also, what’s happened to customer service? Do not, I repeat, do NOT go to Qwest.com if you are considering switching phone companies or DSL providers. If there is a prize for a marathon RUN-A-ROUND, these people won it. In a time span of seven minutes I went from dialing the phone to LOST in the GD woods.

Initially I was greeted by the usual BS automated menu system, at which I was given several prompts, none of which really suited my call. This is where you have to decide just WHICH messed up department you need to speak to, depending on the nature of your call. You always think, “…well no, I should really press ‘4′ because I want to get a credit on my account since I never use this, but then again, I need to go to ‘8′ because I returned the equipment and need to get credit for that also.”

So while you’re thinking these things you are like, “Well I don’t want to get the wrong department and get a pissed off person and then really get screwed…” so you just pick one. Three minutes later you get a LIVE PERSON *gasp!* who gives you a different 800 number to call. You’re almost gracious and are lead into believing you have gotten ‘the HOOK UP’ or something, LOL.

After speaking with *gasp!* anothe LIVE PERSON, you are then given anothe phone number, which is totally different but you think, “well, they know what they are doing, right?” Some couple minutes later you find you have called 4 different phone numbers, 2 of which are the same, and you are somehow BACK to the main number you called in the first place. ARRRGGGGGHHHH! Smoke break! Do you scream or just cry? I nearly did both. Finally I was put through to the right person and had my problem solved. Or so I thought. They had billed me for DSL I don’t even use. They said they’d adjust my account and note it in the system. Today I get a disconnection notice. Go friggin’ figure.

Did you know that N’Sync is STILL the #1 most searched-for item in the category of ‘music’ in the internet search engines? True. Saw it at mamma.com.

…last, but certainly NOT least, the BIGGEST thing to ponder remains: Who the HELL let the dogs out??!!!

Noteworthy (or not) sites I caught tonight:

Cartoon Chicks I Wanna Nail. I read everything on this site and all I can say is m-kay. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Quoteland.com will fulfill your every quotation need whether you’re looking for the words of Mae West to Woody Allen’s whines to stuff from Willie Shakespeare. Knock thyself out, knave.

We’re Hosed This guy’s actually kinda funny but his recipes are the best thing on the site, IMHO*

Badassmofo.com has all your latest news about bad ass mo fo’s, I guess…funny stuff anyway. Something to read while freezing to death over here.

Then there’s killyourtv.com, which lately features nuttin’ but people pissing and moaning about the election (get over it, people) Still something else to read, if you’ve nothing better to do.

Of course, anyone who’s a fan of South Park has been to Mr. Hat’s Hellhole. but just in case you haven’t yet, here it is. Screw you guys, I’m going to bed!

Nitey nite.

Yes, I know it’s been forever since I’ve updated.  Don’t even get me started.  Let’s just say that I’ve been busy doing lots of nothing.

I was sitting here on Sunday night at 9:20 pm feeling terribly lucky not to have to go to work tomorrow.  I am on a week’s vacation.  I have no real definite plans, except that I plan to go into next week with some real goals. 

I need a better job.  I need more money.  I need to get out of debt.  I need to have some fun.  I need to learn more.  I need to love more.  I need I need I need.

God, I’m so needy.

Later that day…
Vacation sure seems to leave me beat. I’ve been off work since Monday, and I’ve being busy!  Ya take time off to relax and look what happens…every time, too. well, I may have a new job up my sleeve.  We’ll see what happens. The rest of this week, I have lots of errands to run.  I need to renew my state i.d. and go donate plasma, take some more pc tests for my temp agency’s records and a whole bunch of other stuff.

My sis and I went to the grocery store today and if that’s not a huge chore, I don’t know what is. I am willing to PAY anyone to do this for me. I hate it with a bloody passion.

I am putting all my archives into blogger format now that I’ve switched to blogger.com service, so be patient with me. From first glance, this blogger.com seems to be helping me alot with my posts. I am the most untidy person when it comes to this crap, so let’s see how this goes.

I have a crapload of things to do and cross off my list so I have to run, but I’ll be back.

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Triple Threat: weekend entry – 1999

Today (which is April Fool’s day in case you live under a rock), and it was my birthday.  Gawd am I old.  Yup.  Turned the big 3-3 this year.

I would have preferred to stay in bed all day but dear ol’ mom sprung for lunch and a visit.  C’mon… who can turn down a free lunch?

So we go to this Mexican place in Cottage Grove called Las Margaritas.  Never been there before, so I figured we were in for a treat.  It was okay.  The music was too loud for it only being like 15 people in there and it just being lunch time.  We had to yell our orders and practically “Yoo-hoo, how’s the SALSA??!!” across the table to each other.  I was going to get the carnitas but I hadn’t tried that before and being a well-fed and food-loving person I hate to take a gamble on something and have it turn out shitty.  So I ordered a frozen strawberry margarita and the enchilada trio.

The food was pretty good actually.  Mom was loving whatever it was she got (some kind of grilled chicken fajita thing called Pollo Abodado or something like that) and she got the strawberry margarita too.

Anyway, we enjoyed our drinks even though they were just mixer plus liquor–(I’m spoiled, I’ve had FRESH strawberry margaritas at other Mexican places), and of course the complimentary chips and salsa (I could just eat baskets of that and skip all the semi-ok & expensive entrees).

So we’re sitting there and the whole lot of staff (bunch of Mexican guys) comes up from behind me and all screeching a song in Spanish.

I recognize the tune.  Oh shit, they’re singing “Happy Birthday” to me!  OK well I suppOSE I could put on my fun face and play nice for a minute but ususally I hate this sort of thing.

Anyway, on they screech…

Feliz cumpleaos, (Happy birthday to you) Feliz cumpleaos, (Happy birthday to you) Feliz cumpleaos querido tan y por eso, (Happy birthday, dear so and soooo!)

Feliz cumpleaos! (Happy birthdaaaaaaay to you!)

Then one of the guys comes and puts down a plate with a sopapilla on it covered with honey and chocolate syrup and topped with a shitload of whipped cream. Then there is a candle in the middle.

I blow it out and they remove it.  Then from out of NOFUCKINGWHERE comes a dollop of whipped cream headed straight for my face.  I swear it was as big as my head.  OK maybe not but when it got close they were aiming to just ‘dot’ my nose but ended up smearing it on my mouth, nose and chin and I started to make a fuss and all I could think was, “WHAT PLANET ARE YOU ON??!!WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU ASSHOLES, YOU DON’T SMEAR SHIT
ON PEOPLE’S FACES YOU DUMB FUCKS!!” and while I was thinking this, I scrunched up my nose and turned my face just a little and the whole abombidable snowman of a whipped cream dollop came tumbling down my chin and plopped all over my (black, velvet, son of a bitch!) top I was wearing, then plopped onto my plate of (yet unfinished) enchiladas.

The whole time I was saying loudly, no, stop it…! Cut it out dont put that on my face! I think people were staring.  I didn’t care.  I think my face is smaller than most people’s and I think the guy wasn’t really looking where he was aiming that monstrous dollop and it seemed from the get go I was going to have more than a smidgen of it on my face.  The whole scenario above took place over a period of 10 seconds but it seemed like an eternity.

Great.  Just great. 

Right after it was all over I looked at my mom and I think she could see how upset I was (like I say I was close to tears because I was like humiliated).  But instead of saying somthing like, “I’m sorry you didn’t like that, I wish I would have known so I could warn you or ask them not to do that.” but NO she’s all mad that I’m mad.  I’m thinking what the HELL is wrong with someone because they don’t want sugar and shit on their face??

Well OK I thought about it a second and maybe I was making too big a deal out of this whole thing.

Then I felt stupid for making a fuss and I *knew* if I hadn’t freaked out so much, the worst outcome would have been that I’d have a dot of whipped cream on my nose and not the ensuing mess because I didn’t just sit there and play along.

I asked for a wet washcloth.  “WET WASHCLOTH.”  “CLOTH.”  Dude hands me a cheap flimsy (and dry) napkin.  “NO, not a NAPKIN.  I’m STICKY.  I NEED A WET  Wash.  CLOTH.”  Eh? Que?  “Wash cloth. Dish towel.  You know.  Handi-wipe.  Towlette.  Dish towel. Whatever ya got that’s wet and cloth-y!” Ah fuck they don’t even understand my English!

Finally a guy walks from around the bar with a wet bar towel and I’m relieved.  I suppose I could have gone into the bathroom but *shudder* I loathe public bathrooms.

Does all of this make me a bitch???

Maybe I just live in a world where people don’t do shit like this to you. 

What do you think???

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Tomorrow will be 1-2-3-4-5-6 – 2006

I’ve suddenly lost my appetite for blogging.

Who knows if I’ll ever get it back.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 29th, 2005 at 12:38 pm and is filed under Grumplicious, World Wide Wack. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your site.

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Ladies and gentlemen. May I present…

The “I’m f*cking freezing” tee. As worn by J-Lo, apparently, according to these yahoos.

Indeed.

Then put on a f*cking
sweatshirt. You f*cking moron.

Perhaps I’m missing the joke or some sort of clever youthful irony here, but may I ask–why a TEE? It would make perfect sense to place such a classy saying on a snow suit or perhaps even a lap robe, illustrating to the public that you are cold and that is why you are dressed like an eskimo.

But that’s probably just me…as the rest of humanity has gone mad. I’m a frumpy old 30-something so what do I know?

Happiness is ___________. (fill in the blank here)

Sometimes I wonder about people… Just something I’ve been thinking about for awhile, that’s all. Do you find yourself wondering the same thing? I mean, we’re all here for one thing and that is to live and prosper and be happy, right?  But I have DAYS, you know, where I feel like “What is there for me to be happy about?” I mean, I find that alot of people in this world seem happy but after all is said and done, and they go home each night, these people are the ones who call their relatives or go to www.soandso.com and go into the bulletin boards and newsgroups and bitch and moan and bawl about their personal problems.

First sunshine, then rain.

Who are they kidding? I for one, would like to know. How is this possible? Or even healthy? I don’t take this approach or condone it. I mean, let’s say that I’m in this mood where I’m not exactly counting my blessings and feeling like ‘it’s all good’, right? But on the other hand, I’m not excactly bitter for any specific reason. In this case, you would NOT see me smiling all day to beat the band when I’m not happy, but I also don’t bite everyone’s heads off if I ain’t. So how do you find a balance? I just try to remain calm and nonchalant whenever possible.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m not making any sense here.

Maybe I should get back to work. Yeah.  That’s the ticket.