BJ Woods

Who the HELL even gives two craps about “Ally McBeal”? Nevermind..I don’t wanna know. I HATE that show, with a capital ‘H’.

When it premiered a couple years ago I thought it to be pretty cool, I was like, ‘hey, a show about a woman lawyer, kinda neurotic, kinda aloof, pretty decent’ until they decided to start making it SUCK! Now everyone on that show is just plain PSYCHO!

One thing always sucked about the show from the get-go, though: I never, never, never did like the fact that the lawyer gang always went to that pitiful bar where Vonda Shephard wouldn’t stop singing songs that weren’t even her own…I used to think, “God, someone PLEASE give this girl a record contract and get her OFF my t.v.!”

I know that sounds mean…and I DON’T CARE!!

So all you Ally McCop-A-Feel groupies don’t even try to email me and tell me what a dork you think I am because I already know better.

Oh, and WHY in the WORLD does Mervins’ Department Store think that the commercial with the penguins going around singing Christmas carols about an upcoming sale is funny??? or even cute, for that matter??!! Why is Mervin’s still in business, even? I have no idea.

You know what else? While in a transfixed state watching candy colored and previews being thrown in my face for TV shows like “Beverly Hills, 90210″ and “Shasta McNasty”, I totally forgot that it is November, and that means sweeps time.

Do the t.v. ratings people think we’re stupid? That in May and November we DON’T notice the differences in the way things are presented, that storylines change dramatically, plots thicken, guest stars appear out of nowhere, and strange things happen? Like when certain shows have characters come out of the closet, get married, have babies, 14 year olds getting busted for trying cigarettes and whatnot? And then they add that stupid “A Very Special [insert name of a stupid show here]”.

Do they think we even CARE?

UGH.

On a lighter note, I’ve been redecorating a little. I have all this art that I need to go and get framed. Had it since I’ve moved in this summer. I also got some new throw pillows and slipcovers for my sofa and got a bar w/matching stools for the kitchen. Too cute. I know I just had one but I need another vacation. It’s really a shame that I can’t stay at home and earn a living. Wouldn’t that be the day…well hey, I promise to keep in touch a lot more frequently (as if ANYONE even reads me) and oooh, oooh…forgot to mention the Halloween party we had…check it out.

back later fer sher, dudes…

Another example of life imitating art, or just the sign of a bored guy?

Anyone will tell you when they think of Bill Gates they’re reminded of money. Scott Blake took one look at his face and “I knew he’d look awesome as bar codes.” Blake, 25, designed a computer program which creates very interesting images. He uses it to create portraits of people and the portrait is made up entirely of bar codes, and he’s become quite famous for doing so. At first, he says “I pieced the pictures together with any old bar codes I could find…like the ones from packs of gum,” but now he only uses those bar codes which are relevant to his subjects. For example, he did his Oprah Winfrey portrait with the codes from the Oprah Book Club (author notes: Is this now defunct-?). So, where did the codes come from that he used for the Gates’ portrait? Off a douche bag, perhaps? No. He used the tags from Microsoft products. Clever indeed, but one has to wonder what kind of life Blake leads. www.barcodeart.com

This asshole—who calls himself “The General” Zod–is a writer for an e-zine for men, called “Sex E-Bits” and it’s produced by Twisted Humor. His female counterpart, Amber, publishes a “Sex E-Bits” newsletter for the gals under the same company, and seems to have an equal amount of bravado but so far is less offensive…more or less she just poses as an important writer but it’s obvious she thinks we females are all insecure little sex-crazed whores who’re interested in her brand of ditzy girl talk disguised as an important newsletter for single gals. But I digress. Back to The General: Every week I get a newsletter in my inbox from these fuckwits, and The General Zod is the one who seems to be carrying around a large load of shit which he doles out to his readers in hefty portions. Well I’ve got a few things to say about him, and why I think he and his stupid newsletter can stick it where the pope don’t rollerskate. His editor is on crack, methinks. His most recent newsletter is still sitting in my inbox, unread, amongst other crap I have yet to read but the last two editions frosted my hide, enough for me to devote a post ranting about it (”The General” deserves a lot less) but here goes:

The “Okay I Suppose I’ll Be PC For A Minute But Jeez…I Don’t Get Gay People” Edition

When one wants to give the impression that he/she respects people of all sexual orientations, he/she generally does not then go into a diatribe about how gross you think they are, or that you don’t understand how they go on about their lives, as this places your personal objections in the way of your intentions to show respect for a particular peoples’ lifestyle. In other words, don’t be a fucking hypocrite.

He first gushes on and on about how homosexuals are “great and all and I’ve got some kick ass gay friends who I’d do anything to help out” but says he doesn’t understand “how in the blue hell some men could be gay”, and although he does believe that some could be born that way, he says he thinks perhaps it was because “Maybe the doctor slapped your ass wrong, sparking a subconscious feeling of enjoyment thus leaving you with the desire for dick the rest of your life. Perhaps the first time you had your temperature taken as a baby and the thermometer was shoved up your ass, you had a sensation that left you with the thought that one day you’d like something even larger shoved up your ass. I don’t know, but it could be a number of things. What I don’t get however is the “I started out straight but then turned gay” routine. My ass you just “turned” gay one day. Can someone explain to me how that happens? You go on about your life, have sex with women, then just one day you wake up and decide that you want some dick? I don’t buy that one. I think you were probably always gay and in an effort to remain socially accepted, you fucked some ladies despite always closing your eyes and envisioning your little friend Billy’s asshole as your target rather than her cooch. Whatever the reason is you turned gay, it’s cool. The General has love for everyone but that doesn’t mean I understand you. For the record, I love women. I don’t just say that to be macho or sound cool. I really do LOVE women. I love everything about them and am attracted to them more than probably a normal human being is. Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time understanding gay men. The flip side to that is Lesbians. Now here is a program I can get in touch with. Women are beautiful (unless they’re fat), so I can see the attraction there. “

When one wants to give the impression that he/she respects women, he/she generally should avoid stating an opinion as though it were fact, i.e., instead of saying, “Women are beautiful (unless they’re fat),” rather, it should be stated as “I think women who aren’t fat are beautiful.” Even if you do this correctly, once again, this places your personal objections in the way of your intentions to show respect for a particular peoples’ lifestyle. Open mouth, insert foot.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you have an opinion, say so, and don’t try to pretend you are being someone’s friend or supporter and then say such idiotic things.

Now, here’s a gal who’s not fat, she’s even a famous internet chick with a couple awards under her proverbial belt! Surely The General would like to get into her pants, right? Sure! Perhaps we could even hook these two up and see what happens!

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

Why in the world haven’t I been doing an entry every day? Well you know what they say…life happens when you’re making other plans…? Well, in my case I’ve just been so busy I can barely blink, nevermind keeping all of you abreast of the ups & downs of my daily life.

Sorry, but that’s how bad it’s been.

Why is it that when you have work to do, you’re ready to commit yourself totally, and give it all you’ve got…only to discover just how TIRED you are…

Oh how your back aches, your feet, your brain. Your insides. Period. I feel like I’m about 80 years old right now…I must not have gotten enough rest this weekend. I almost never feel this lethargic, with this dull achey feel all over. All I know is that is a fairly new feeling since I usually feel more energetic as the day wears on.

I swear I’m nocturnal. For some reason, I know I could handle a night job. I get more revved up by four o’ clock in the afternoon than anyone else I know. I’m so far from the ‘morning’ personality that you see so often…all these chirpy people at the office, those of the sing-songy voices and smiley faces…

FORGET IT!

Call a meeting at 8 am? *yAWn*… HOLY CHRISTMAS, people! I’ve only been out of bed an hour and a half…I’m about a pot of coffee and six hours behind the rest of you! Schedule it for 2:30pm and I’m the first one there, diet Coke and pad of paper in hand, everyone else falling into line at the door looking like it’s naptime. Strange, isn’t it?

Oh joy, the Holiday season approaches.

Or shall I say ‘is banging the door down’? My town must have wound the glittery garland and festive flags up around the streetlight poles not more than one minute past midnight on Halloween.

Big old hurry they were in..and for what? We haven’t even had the first snowfall yet! Oh well, I’m sure I’ll be in the spirit soon, myself..just not until at least Wednesday, that’s when I’m putting the tree up.

(O:

nitey nite, cats & kittens…

Today’s Words of Wisdom:
“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Happy Holidays and Internet Errata – 2000

disgusting burns photos are not something you’ll find here. I do however have an entry
dedicated entirely to my hand surgery in December of ‘99.

I guess I’m a melrose place girl.

she vacuums the car pics. Actually I don’t have a car, and if I did, I certainly wouldn’t have a story about it, let alone photos of me doing it. Someone has a fetish about housework? Who knows.

human clone graphics. This search brings up a particular entry in which I made a news entry regarding what may have been the first human clone.

Celebrity Gossip
I like to look at E!online for celeb gossip and stories (true ones) regularly but some of their attempts at making the stories more ‘colorful’ leave me uninspired. I like to write my own ‘lil features about celeb gossip but need more sources on such stuff so I can get back into the swing of things…

One used to be able to subscribe to an e-mail newsletter called ‘Celebrity Hack’ to get all the latest news on the ones we love to hate the most. In the recent past, its editions of this newsletter included such highlights as Roseanne Barr’s quest to pose nude for Playboy, Sinead O’Connor’s “coming out,” O.J. Simpson’s confrontation with his ex-wife’s sister, the attempted robbery of Madonna’s home in London and even details of the recent 11 million dollar offer Britney Spears received to sleep with a wealthy American business man. “Britney’s minimum acceptable price was $15 mil,” the Celebrity Hack wrote, “so the businessman opted to pick up Christina Aguilera for a song.”

Does ANYONE know where on earth I can find out where Celebrity Hack has gone to? Or where I can find another such newsletter of this caliber? ANY info on this matter would be appreciated.

I’ll mail you a fortune cookie…er something.

later, taters…

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• This is my Oscars 2005 blog. – 2005

Okay, okay, so I should re-name the blog ‘month lee’. Give me a buncha grief about it, why dontcha?

*Ahem* I do have a life.

Anyhoo, I’ve blown the dust off the blog and am set to post a large amount of sundry new material. However, the pyra server is acting like a bitch in heat so I’ll have to come back later for that. I can’t get into my template, it keeps timing out on me. Am suspecting that a huge bloggership resides on the Pacific Coast, which means since it is now 3:30 am their time, they’re all back from their silly Friday night drinking binges and are all logging simultaneously onto Blogger and posting their silly fuckwit adventures, which will go unread by millions.

TTFN

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

Baseball League Hall of Famer Kirby Puckett has died at 45.

I remember fondly as a young teenager when the Twins first got Kirby on the team.  He made it exciting to watch, with his wall-scaling in the outfield to stop a home run from the other team.  Although he was serious about the sport and “kicked ass and took questions later”, you knew he was a good guy and loved the game.

Before we won the World Series in 1987, I remember that our team was so awesome. We had that towering St. Paul native Dave Winfield (2001 Hall of Fame inductee same time as Puckett) and Bert Blylevin, plus having Kirby lead us again and again to good wins (yay!) with his quick running, awesome hitting (his lifetime batting average of .318 was the highest of any right-handed batter since Joe DiMaggio.) Those last games in the playoffs were ridiculous and when we won, most people could hardly believe it, it was sort of shocking but at the same time everyone was so proud of our team.

Suddenly Twins games were hotter than hot and everyone in school loved him, and the other players.  Girls in grades older than me were watching baseball on TV too.  It was kinda weird, but when I look back I think of how fun it was to see girls with posters of (mostly of Kirby but the most were of Frank Viola and Kent Hrbeck) pasted up in their lockers.  

I remember when Twins Announcer Bob Casey would call out the players before the first pitch and he used to yell out Kirby’s name, real lound and he’d stretch it out, like this: “Kerrrrrrrrrrrrbeeeeeeeee Puck-IT!”.  My mom and I would be watching the game while doing dishes after supper and we would snap to attention when Bob called out his name and both agreed that it gave us chills to see him come running out on to the field. 

Dad had season passes, and went to many home games with his friend and his friend’s sons.  My sis and I stayed at home with Mom and enjoyed it from the toob, though I do recall going to one game in the summer of 1991 when I was in trade school, a bunch of us took a bus out to the game.  We were in the nosebleeds section but it was a blast anyway.

That 1991 World Series, I remember still (the Twins vs. Atlanta Braves games the most).  I was riveted to the tv watching the last few games and was so exciting and everyone around got caught up in the fever.  When we won it was like a happy bomb went off again in the Twin Cities.  The Tickertape parade was on TV and I remember our history teacher rolling out the tv and VCR cart from the A/V room so we could watch.  Everyone in school was just crazy excited and when I got home my parents were all whooping, too.

Within that short era of time, the Twins were so exciting and Minnesota as a whole, was so proud to wave our Homer Hankies–I mean everyone but everyone had one–if you didn’t you maybe were living under a rock.

I’m sure that many would agree–no, wait.  It’s a fact.  Kirby was the best thing that ever happened to Minnesota Baseball in a long, long time, and will be missed.

Kiddies—If you have a good website and don’t want to lose exposure, watch what you say! Anything blue or words just a tad worse than ‘crap’ or ‘booby’, will get you a smartass email from the big brothers at BlogSnob!

Check it…I got this crazy message from them the other day:

To: bbojojo99 AT yahoo DOT com Subject: BlogSnob ad… From: blogsnob@idya.net

Date: Wed, 04 Jun 2003 03:15:24 -0400

Hi!

This is an automated notifier to tell you that a member of BlogSnob admin team has seen your page

and reported it to us. Your page

might have either violated the acceptance rules, or you have not

displayed your ad on the page properly.

These are the kind of sites that we do not accept:1) No offensive/pornographic content allowed. 2) No commercial sites allowed. 3) No pop up/under ad sites. 4) No foul language–OK, this one is a little tricky – let’s say “if you heard it on NBC/other TV networks, it’s probably ok”.NOTE: This point should hold for the following: the content of your site, it’s name, and the slogan that you

give in the ad.

5) Personal sites and Blogs Only. When people checkout a BlogSnob site, they expect it to be a nice Blog by somebody.

So your site should either be a personal blog, or something close to it.

Let’s keep the spirit of blogging alive!

regards,
The BlogSnob Team.

“…they expect it to be a nice Blog by somebody.”

Oh, so just because I have a blog it’s supposed to be all rainbows and ass-kissing? And my blog is by ME. I’m somebody. I think I established that back in um–preschool–when we discussed how special each of us little kids are, and that we’re all SOMEBODY. That right there should tell you the kind of members BlogSnob has…children.

Here is their method by which they accept sites:
“First, when a site signs up, the blogsnob system automatically goes out, and checks it. It tries to see if the site is a blog, is clean, if it contains any objectionable language or pictures. If it finds no problem with the site, or the ad, it approves the site. All applicant sites that have objectionable words, pictures, etc. are politely rejected. If any user of blogsnob finds any site that is not a personal or a blog site, or it is offensive, or improper, he/she reports it using the contact page. The site is then immediately checked out by first the BlogSnob system itself, and also by the Admins. The site is then dealt with accordingly.”

Ooooh, I’M TO BE DEALT WITH!

Have I been a bad little girl? Am I now to stand in line for my whooping?

Shit.

Well, BlogSnob is a work of a bunch of snobs. Truly.

This is MY FREEDOM. To write and say what I please. It’s their loss if they don’t want a fine quality site like day lee in their stupid little club. HA!

Besides, none of those assholes said anything was bad about my site back when I didn’t have a huge pic displaying the word ‘fuck’ on it when I signed up two years ago, however day lee’s always been chock-full of words and stuff that would make a sailor blush. So what gives, peeps?

I’m going to be THE BIGGEST SNOB OF ALL, and not only boycott BlogSnob and all sites but also any site which displays links to, belongs to, and otherwise encourages the services and policies set forth by BlogSnob and its partners/evil minions. Besides, I think they only sent me a handful of hits a day. Probably people who are all of 11, still crapping their pants and sheilding their eyes from all the bad, bad stuff in this world, LOL!

Who’s with me?

I think my ship may have come in… career-wise. I’ll be going into more detail later. Right now I’m just killing time.

So I took Colleen’s 80’s lyrics quiz to see how well I would fare.

I figured, what the hell, I was born in ‘73, grew up on this stuff but for some reason I got shitty scores on hard stuff and lots of points for stuff I thought was easy. Then she chided me for not ‘memorizing’ the Breakfast Club soundtrack! Oh well.

More later!

Same day, different year..

Other posts on this day:

• Weird Searches of the Week – 2005

Well, today has been one of those days. You know, where there’s like tons of stuff to do but you don’t want to do it? You have to get ready for work on Monday morning, you wish you could take back the whole weekend and start it from Friday night again? You know. That’s why I’m kinda down. Who wants to spend their life working when there’s tons of better stuff to do? Anyway, I’m tired of trying to find a job. It gets boring and I hate going on interviews. Hate them. With a bloody passion. Why should I answer this/that/whatever? What do you care what I look like? I’ve got 8 years experience doing this job, so fucking hire me already. Come on. I get so tired of it. Yes, I will take a pee test if that’s what you want. I think it’s a total violation of what I do in my leisure time, which has no bearing whatsoever on my work and my productivity but if that’s what you fucking want. Go for it. No, you hold the cup for me, I’ve got terrible aim. No, please. I insist. Hey, you wanted me to squat like a dog and now you got me doing it. For what? For your sick need to study my bodily fluids. Ish.

Why is this a common practice with even remedial office jobs? I can see it being standard procedure for say, JimBob’s Welding shop or the tree-cutter’s union but come on.

Okay, well I need to get going. I need to go have a cigarette before my fiancee is comes over. We’re going to the bank and post office and running errands and plan to have a jolly good time in general, since everyone is at work and mom’s out of town for the weekend. Whoo hoo!

Okay. Here’s the dealie-o. You may already know by now that my REAL domain www.dayleeblog.com is down. That is because my domain expired and my life caved in and the ball and chain that is Twin City Federal has stripped me of my bankcard privileges just because of one silly overdraft so very long ago.

What’s new with me:

My life has falled apart, as has most of my family.

I know longer no how to spell, for Krist’s sake

Blogger continues to suck big smelly ass because it has no clue that sentences should get TWO (2) spaces between them, thus mocking me and making my life worse, because my paragraphs look like complete crap.

The day I became a Super Single Swingin’ Sista, the whole world runs off to get married or comes out of the closet.

Oh, woe.

Fuck me.

A more serious and fervently detailed update shall follow soon-ly.